I’m A Competitor in the Wide World of Sports/Assanine Ideas

I don’t know what possesses me at any point – to look at a race or some other activity and think, “Gee, that could be fun” but a few weeks ago I looked at the Sourdough Snowshoe Race and thought just that. There were two options – an 11.4 mile and a 30k – and I know better than to think I’d want to do the 30k but I was interested in the 11.4 miler. I went to the website and there was a note saying it had reached its cap (it was limited to 70), but you could get on a waiting list. So I thought, why not let the universe be the decider on this one – so I put myself on the waiting list. Now this race was free, because it was on National Forest, but they did take donations, so I think that helps give people an out if they no longer feel like doing the race.

About a week before the race I got an email from the race director saying there was a spot available, so after talking to E about it, I signed up and that was that. When stuff like this happens – it makes me feel like I’ve already ‘won’ something.

As the race got closer, the weather forecast got worse – high winds –and I debated whether to do it myself. I kept having flashbacks of Mt Evans and I did not want to go through that again, but I remained on the roster. Friday before the race, it was posted that the trail got 4-12 inches of snow in areas and again, I got nervous, but remained registered. I have been on the race snowshoes about 5 times, with the longest trek being six miles- and I knew ‘better’ than to think I was ok, but I still think I thought I was going to be ok. The trail I was using was extremely hard packed – so aside from the extra effort of using snowshoes there wasn’t much needed so really I had no idea what to expect.

Saturday morning rolled around and the high wind forecast was still there, but so was I so E and I headed up to the race, and I was getting more nervous as we got closer- the wind was pretty bad. I was just hoping the trail would be deep enough into the trees that I’d be protected from the wind enough not to notice. I signed in and we made our way to the trail and I got ready to go. When everyone lined up for the start it was obvious there were not 70 people there, or the 56 I thought were officially in the race as of the last roster. It turns out only 42 people ended up even participating in the race at all.

The RD said go and we were off. I did wear my garmin for this, but kept the settings as they have been-no information on pace, just the overall time and my heart rate. I do get the end of mile beep and know how fast I went, but other than that I just have to watch my heart rate and use that as a guide. The trail started at 9600 feet and went up to around 10233 so for the most part – you’re going uphill. I don’t know how far I got into it but I looked down at my heart rate and thought – there’s no way I can sustain this for 11 miles so I backed off a bit. At that time I was behind two women-tiny women- and thought I’d just try and keep up with them for as long as possible. There was another woman in front of them so I just followed along as best as possible. I had no idea whether they were doing the 11mile or the 30k and would only know when the turnaround came.

There was a lot of powder on the trail, not something I’ve really been doing with the snowshoes and the trail itself was cambered so you had one shoe higher than the other with the lower one sinking into the snow and it was hard to get any real rhythm going. I just tried my best to follow in the footsteps ahead of me. I remember at one point I thought – gosh we’ve got to be in mile 3 at least right now, maybe even mile 4, because I hadn’t heard my garmin beep – but when it did and it beeped ‘mile 2’ – that was the first time I said out loud ‘this is *beeping*stupid’ – seriously what was I thinking. So I just plodded ahead. Thankfully, the next time I actually heard my watch beep it was mile 5 so three and four went by pretty quickly – or they were for the most part unnoticeable. I will say in one of those miles I fell – which apparently is a given at least once – so I got that out of the way – I did look around to make sure no one saw me, and no one did – for some reason I always end up in a race by myself – lucky or not who knows.

At almost precisely mile 5 I saw the first guy coming back, and in my head thought, well right now I’m technically second. (I don’t know how I create these things in my head, but I do – and a lot of times they help) He was going at a fast clip and I just don’t know how you get that comfortable on snowshoes in order to do that but he had it down. I got to the turnaround point and saw two other men heading back and then saw the two tiny women checking in and then they moved on to the 30k trail. I was first woman. (seriously??)

I turned around to head back, passed four more guys heading to the check in and suddenly there was a fire. I wanted to be first woman – I wanted to win this race, and I didn’t want anyone to pass me heading back. So I started to book it, relatively speaking. It wasn’t all downhill on the way back- the trail was rolling so I just did what I could on the uphill and tried to pick it up on the down and that was my process of thinking. I looked back from time to time but just kept moving forward- and I really wanted to be done. I hit mile 6, didn’t see mile 7 on the garmin, saw mile 8 and just thought 3.4 more to go.

At mile 9 I was ready to be done and I kid you not miraculously my ipod turned on. I had taken it with me in case I needed it, and had one earphone in, but never stopped to turn it on. It turned on itself and started playing a Pink song and that was all I needed. The trees heard my prayers and gave me at least four great songs that either helped me pick up the pace or just distracted me from the clop clop clopping of the snowshoes – which gets annoying after about six miles. I hit 11 miles and was home free – there wasn’t anyone behind me so I knew I was first woman, fourth overall and I was psyched. I ran as fast as those things could carry me and the Eminem song with the Lil’ Wayne duet came on and for some reason I really love that song. It was perfect and even more perfect because whatever .4 I thought I had left actually turned into .7 and that was not what I needed. I saw the trail sign and the parking lot and booked it to the finish line – which was actually just running up to the RD and telling him my number.

I finished the 11.7 mile race in 3:08 – a 16 min/mile pace. I was two minutes behind third place and 4 behind second – first place just blew everyone out of the water. The guy who got second place said something like ‘you really picked it up on the way back’ or something to that affect. Interestingly enough, he was the only person to pass me on the way out. I don’t remember what I said to him, if anything – I was done and really just wanted to get someplace warm and sit, even though that elicited calf and hip flexor cramps- so it wasn’t as pleasant as I thought it would be. I got my trophy from the RD and they took a few pictures and we left.

As a side note – I’ve only ever placed in two previous races so perhaps one might think I don’t have a lot to go off of, but the award for this race is by far the best award I’ve ever gotten.

Where's my Swing

Getting back into the swing of things after Tucson has not been easy. I took two weeks off after the marathon, because, well, I deserved it - and I had to travel for work and it was Christmas. Last week was to be my first week 'back' and between snowshoeing and running I might have gone 20 miles. I'm garmin-less for a month so I have some sort of idea because I'm running familiar territory, but I'm not certain.

This week was going to be a 'real' week back, but Hoyt has been sick and has been home with me for the past two days and will be home again today. My intention was to get in some running, but that hasn't happened and it's Friday and I've now kind of taken the stance that this week is going to be a wash as well. I intended to do a 5k snowshoe race, but ironically there's no snow up in the mountains. Down here at 8500 feet, we're still pretty well covered - I guess I could go out and do my own race, but what fun is that.

I'm now weighing my options on signing up for the rest of the Winter Series we've done for the past three or four years, but we'll see about that. I could save more money not doing them, and with almost four weeks off I'm thinking there's no way I could come back to any sort of fitness by the 21st. Maybe I'll avoid races for awhile.

Who knows maybe the extended lay off will result in leaps and bounds in the speed and fitness department. I've devised my own 'training plan' for the next 12 weeks or so before I get into the big beefy 50 miler plan - but I'll go into that later - I'm not really all that crazy about talking about something this far out - I'll just keep moving along until I'm comfortable in where I'm going.

2011 in Review

I had to really focus to recall everything from 2011 - I think I was doing some sort of training plan for every week but four during this year - whether it was marathon training, mountain bike training or ultra training, it turned out to be a busy year.

First this was to be year two in Hoyt's life - I think ultimately making sure he's happy and thriving is the most important thing I could ever accomplish - and so far I think he's doing great. None of it could ever be accomplished without E and he's been extremely patient and helpful with everything I've wanted to attempt and accomplish this year, and I think without that - none of this would have happened. Having a child later in life (for both of us) has been interesting. I'd never choose to do it any earlier because I don't think I was ever ready (sometimes I still wonder), but he really is a joy and I can't wait to see what year three will bring.

December of 2010 I started training for the Colorado Marathon - 8 months post partum. After being pregnant and not being able to run before that because of injury - it just felt good to get out there. I was safe and cautious in my training and did nothing that would chance injury and it went great.

March I ran the Canyonlands Half Marathon - it was crazy windy and I didn't do so well, which set me off wondering what was in store for the marathon. It was a sucky performance and I was in a tailspin.

April I ran a small 5k and improved my time by 1:XX- and it was good enough for 1st place female - again it was a very small race - and it gave me a bit more confidence in the marathon.

May was the marathon and I ran it conservatively and improved my marathon time by 14:XX minutes with a 4:00:51. I think had my watch not gone dead at mile 20 I could have come in under sub 4.

I immediately switched gears after the marathon to focus on training for the Firecracker 50 - a 50+ mile mountain bike race. But I didn't quit running completely because I was still up to do the Mount Evans Ascent in June. I ran that 14.5 mile race in 3:07 I believe and had to contend with 35 mile winds and 50 mile wind gusts. I was never so glad to get off a mountain before in my life, and I venture to say I won't ever try that race again.

July was the Firecracker 50 - and my first DNF. The course was lengthened due to a ton of snow and I wasn't fully aware of that fact and missed the cut off on the extended course by 2 minutes. That one still chafes me when I think about it.

Immediately after the Firecracker I started training for the Devil Mountain 50k - I didn't say much about it because I was willing to drop it if it ever got to be too much for E or for myself. That plan brought on back to back longer runs and some fairly intense trail runs that made me realize I'd much rather be running on dirt.

During that training I ran the Breck Crest Marathon - a 23.8 mile race from 10k to almost 13k feet and it was not easy. I was conservative in running it because it was only a training run but was so sore from the extreme downhill running it was laughable. The following weekend I ran a 20 mile race as a training run and that was followed the next weekend by the Autumn Color Run Marathon - another short measured marathon where I placed third overall female. I think it was then that I realized my body was pretty good at recovery and long distances.

In October I ran the Devil Mountain 50k and got 4th in my age group and finished in 6:38 which was pretty good in my opinion taking into consideration the course and I was hooked on longer distances. In retrospect I do wish I had pushed a bit harder - but I really have no regrets from that race at all.

E thought it would be good to capitalize on my base and try again for a BQ so immediately after the 50k I went into an 8 week between plan and signed up for the Tucson Marathon in December of this year.

Training for the marathon went well - I think mentally I was pretty ready for a break, but my marathon pace runs were going really well so I was gaining confidence. About Thanksgiving time I caught the croup from Hoyt and had to contend with that but got well enough by the marathon that I felt like it wouldn't affect me. I went in with an aggressive goal of 3:38 and figured I'd see what I could do.

I ran the Tucson Marathon in 3:50 not 3:38 and not a BQ but it was another 10 minute PR so I'm content with that - I didn't train specifically for the marathon - I did no speedwork outside of the MP runs and my mileage was in the 38 average during the 50k training and the 8 weeks between so I'm satisfied with my performance.

After Tucson I took a full two weeks off, and have just started running and snowshoeing this week. I received racing snowshoes for Christmas and I'm excited to do a bit of that this winter to supplement as well as replace some running so I don't get burnt out on it altogether. I'll do both through the winter - hit the trails in the spring and summer and I have a few target races/distances I'd like to run. But for now I'm keeping those under my hat. As in the past - I'll train until/unless it becomes too much for the family to handle and then if that happens I'll reevaluate.

I'll try again for a BQ this year, but with the tentative schedule it won't be on a marathon specific plan - just through miles run. I prefer this approach - I get to do the races I want to run and still make an attempt at chipping away the marathon time.

I went through 2011 without one single injury (minus the blister debacle before Canyonlands and the feared achilles injury that turned out to be nothing) - I think it speaks volumes in my growth as both a runner and as someone who knows what is enough and what is too much. 2012 I have that same goal. I'd rather run for the rest of my life with a smaller 40-50 mile base, gradually increasing to get there, then to get injured and have to take 6 or 8 weeks off.

I'd like to be able to manage a running schedule with as little disruption to family as possible. Whether that means running before the crack of dawn or other accommodations - I'm going to work on figuring that out more this year as well.

I've always been a fairly solitary runner - but I think this year I'd like to run more with a group or find a few fellow trail runners to run with - even more I'd like to be able to run with E - whether its with Hoyt and the Bob or just the two of us - I miss running with him.

I've always been a resolution girl - even when I wasn't vocalizing them, I was making them and there are a few I have - I'd like to eat better - I run, therefore I eat and its not always the best choices - I'd like to work on that. Unfortunately miles give me the luxury of not counting calories and it's hard to focus on that when its not required. I'd like to be more consistent in the pilates lessons - I go once a week and its helped immensely in every part of my body and life. Over the past four months or so I've cancelled more than I'd like and for 2012 I'd like to refocus my effort and keep up with that to help with not getting injured and I'd also like to be able to fold rather than collapse....I blame my long torso, but its actually my hamstrings fault.

I'd like 2012 to be filled with joy, a sense of calm, and a quiet mind. I tend to think too much, worry a bit too much - and I'd like to quiet those voices that tend to clutter my brain and just let everything be - that's not too much to ask I think....

Tucson Marathon Race Report

Three weeks before the marathon i weighed my options: play it safe, try for the 3:45or go for a 3:38. E said to print out a 3:43 and a 3:38 so I did. My marathon pace runs were at 8:23 - I figured lower elevation plus downhill it would be ok. I think had they not slapped you in the face with mile 10-13 it might have worked. Tucson is tehnically downhill but the first five miles - the 10-14 stretch and the last three miles s.u.c.k.

Yes it was a stretch but why the heck not? I used the gmaclin pace sheet and while the 8:0X miles in between made me a bit nervous - i wasn't all that deterred - well until taper madness but not enough to switch over to the 3:43 pace band. I had a slow start for the first couple of miles and then sped up from there. I slowed down again 10-14 and then was supposed to speed up for the next 10 or so miles and planned for a fade on the last part.

We flew out Friday and hung out around Tucson. Saturday morning we woke up and drove the course - still not all that deterred with the hills but starting to get nervous. We got my packet and then hung out for the rest of the day.

Sunday I woke up, got ready, said goodbye to E and Hoyt and got on the bus. The weather was supposed to be fairly good but 65 degrees had me nervous - it was just too hot to be finishing a marathon compared to the temps I'd been running in. I tried to convince myself it wouldn't be that warm but in reality I think it was.

I carried a handheld with bloks and was planning on deploying the same tactic I used at the Colorado marathon - use that water for bloks and use the aid stations for everything else. That didn't quite work either - I ran out of water before mile 18.

Miles 1-5
These were rollers and the paces from the band worked great: 9's for the first two miles, 8:30's for the second two and then drop down to 8:06's. I had to work to slow myself down but managed just a bit under those paces. I took bloks at mile 5.

Miles 5-10
I was still having to slow myself down to stay in the 8:06-8:08 range and typically ended up with 8:03's or around there. My heart rate was around 165 and in retrospect it probably should have been lower, but at that point in my head it was too late to abandon the plan.

Miles 10-14
SUCK it. Wind, and the hills were too much for the paces and I couldn't hit them, but was pretty close. I was supposed to be in the 8:35's and was around 8:39's and one was in the 8:4X's. (My Garmin is dead and I can't get the actual paces)

Miles 14-20
I was working a little to keep lower paces, I was supposed to go back down to 8:0X's but kept it in the 8:1X's and this is about when I started watching my average pace instead. A few of these ended up being quite slower as well because I had the water stops to contend with which I had really hoped to avoid.

Miles 20-23
I'm starting to struggle more here but doing ok - my pace was still under or around BQ time, but this is when the 'you will have to forgive yourself if you don't qualify' conversation starts happening.

I've run many races where it was mile on mile of self degredation and I spent years trying to get out of that. The conversation at mile 22 and 23 had to happen - or it would have been awful, and its hard to come back from that sort of mental place. I didn't want to go there.

Unfortunately, this is where I pause to say there is a fine line between saying its ok to not qualify and allowing yourself to give up, which is what I did, and that, among many other things is a specific thing I have to work on because as soon as I came to terms with it, I gave up, and I slowed significantly.

Mile 24-26.2
They were slow and hot and filled with a few coulda/shoulda/woulda's, but never as punishment only as enlightenment. When I was talking to my sister before the race she had asked, "when will you know whether you overshot?" to which I replied, "when I'm done". I suppose you can come up with an alternative but truly you just don't know. I have a plan and I stick to it.

In reality I was five minutes short and I think to myself 'that's quite a bit in running terms' but on the other hand I have another 10 minute PR and thats quite a bit - double actually, and the trajectory has been on a positive curve so why question?

Marathons, or running in general I suppose, is a personal thing - as individual as the gear that makes up the 'uniform' people choose to wear to complete one. Some conquer their challenges pretty quickly out of the gate, consider themselves 'taught' and proceed to dispense advice like tic-tacs to anyone who asks or will listen. Some struggle with achieving what they want most, punish themselves for not doing it - or wonder what could be wrong. Some chip away at the goals and see themselves improve and are happy just to be running.

I have to say I'm none of those. I've seen improvement - not super quick. My goal to qualify still looms, but my road to get there is more like a trail: slower - methodical on the uphill - crest - recover a bit on the downhill, all the while foregoing the direct route. I do punish myself every now and then - but my approach allows me the luxury of always supplying a pretty clear reason as to why I didn't achieve my goal - and enough of a carrot to keep trying.

I'll never claim or attempt to be smarter than the runner standing next to me. Their journey, like their shoes are unique to them, and who am I to say I know their capabilities. I'll choose to let them figure it out. I'll do the same for myself.

I will always prefer to approach the process with more attack than calculation, with more chance than safety and I'll have journeys to remember along the way - rather than cycle after cycle of speedwork, miles, tune up, taper, repeat. That sounds like no fun to me. I'd rather go about it the way I have.

As for what's next - I'd like to get back on the trails and stay there for a good six months - snowshoeing and a few races is looming over the next few months and then maybe in the spring/summer I'll have a go at the road again - but we'll see.

All in all no matter what I choose - it remains individual and its my journey. In regards to what I'll do when I get there - I'll work on what happens in mile 23-26 mentally for me. I'll find the line between acceptance and giving up and figure out how to stay on the right side of that line, because had I gone about this marathon in any different way - I wouldn't have learned that about myself - I wouldn't have had the chance to realize that at some point I took the past and the self flagellation and recovered a bit too much from it - there's a place for fighting and pushing yourself and I think it's somewhere in those three miles for me.

Prelude to a Race Report

I think before I get to the nitty gritty of the race, there are things I’d like to ‘put down on paper’.
For those who read (I assume there are a few, although not many) I didn’t qualify for Boston, but did get a 10 minute PR with a 3:50:37. Almost a week later, the sting has worn off but there’s still the slight itch of a wound healing. Every reason I didn’t qualify can obviously be directly attributed to me. Perhaps with a different approach – a ‘safer’ approach I might be sitting here with a 3:45, but that is not the case. Why bother beating myself up about that one?

I took the safe route on the 50k and while the results were great, I’m left with the feeling of what if I’d pushed a bit more? What then? No one can ever say. I didn’t push harder. A Marathon technically shouldn’t be easy. While the Colorado Marathon wasn’t easy, it wasn’t hard and I have questions about that marathon as well – what if?

I have no questions about Tucson – I had a plan, an aggressive one – some would say I over reached, was overly confident in what I thought I could do. That assessment – which is always just judgment poorly masked in advice – I’ll choose to ignore. Thanks but n o thanks – I’ll do what I do and I was reminded gracefully afterwards by E – it’s about the journey, not the destination, and he’s right. I would have learned nothing about myself had I finished safely with a qualifying time – I would have been left wondering again and right now I’d rather have the education. I have no doubt I’ll get there and when I do – I will have learned a lot more in the way I choose to go about this journey.

E bought the book ‘Running on Empty’ at the expo and I think I left that book remembering mostly this portion of it:

“Why do the easy, expected thing? It takes guts to follow your dreams. Courage. Many people, even those who love you, don’t understand how compelling that can be, and will try to keep you in the ‘safety zone.” But fuck that. Half the fun is venturing into the unknown, taking on the difficult task that yields new knowledge, doing more and testing your limits.”

That’s how I approached this race. I also realized what I miss most are trails. I’m not a road runner. The monotony of running on roads is evident in the song that comes to mind when I listen to my feet hit the pavement – and without fail I end up singing the chicken dance to myself while running on the road. I’ll return to the road to try again for a BQ, but I think in the meantime I’ll stick as much as I can to the trails – it’s more peaceful there.

Internally I have things I’d like to accomplish – races I’d like to run – 26.2 is a distance now – more than 13 and less than 31. There are bigger things out there – and I’d rather run mountains, but more on that later. I guess the most logical places to go next is to hash out the details of the race.

Taper Taper Taper Tucson

So last weekend was my last longish run before Tucson - 16 miles. It went pretty well despite not feeling so hot and a wind that kicked up towards the end of the run. It turns out I have adult croup - after a visit to the doctor and some really nasty cough medicine and some other capsule thing, I'm beginning to feel better cough and health-wise.

This week I've got one more 8 mile marathon pace run and currently I'm looking out at about 7 inches of snow and growing. It's supposed to stop at some point in the day but will only get up to the low 30's over the next few days so I've got to figure out what day to do this run. I think it's going to be the only way I can tell what to expect in Tucson.

All the other marathon pace runs have gone really well and they've helped to build my confidence, but I really am going into this marathon a bit blind. I've done the Tucson half marathon so I know what to expect the last portion of the race, but its the last portion of this race and there's no way it can go as well as the half did when I raced it a few years ago - I mean it will be after an additional 13.1 miles - how could it go as well?

I kind of have a game plan, but I keep changing my mind. This will be my third attempt at qualifying for Boston and I think I'll be able to do it, but settling on what time to try and achieve has me a bit on the fence. I could go for a straight 3:45 because I don't think I ever really plan on running Boston - there are just too many people - but if I did, a simple 3:45 won't get me there. It would have to be at least 7 or so minutes less than that - if this past sign-up is any indication. Having that thought of course leads to the, you could start out too fast and completely blow up and miss both opportunities, or the thought that I could start out with a 3:45 in mind and then hope I have the ability to speed up and stay that way through the last portion of the race.

I've got 10 days to decide, but man it's really starting to cause a bit of a tummy ache - I guess that's what taper is all about, either that or this cough syrup is a lot stronger than I originally thought.

Has Anyone Seen My Zen

Because I lost it.