ontoBQ

I’m A Competitor in the Wide World of Sports/Assanine Ideas

2012-01-23T10:01:00.000-08:00

I don’t know what possesses me at any point – to look at a race or some other activity and think, “Gee, that could be fun” but a few weeks ago I looked at the Sourdough Snowshoe Race and thought just that. There were two options – an 11.4 mile and a 30k – and I know better than to think I’d want to do the 30k but I was interested in the 11.4 miler. I went to the website and there was a note saying it had reached its cap (it was limited to 70), but you could get on a waiting list. So I thought, why not let the universe be the decider on this one – so I put myself on the waiting list. Now this race was free, because it was on National Forest, but they did take donations, so I think that helps give people an out if they no longer feel like doing the race.

About a week before the race I got an email from the race director saying there was a spot available, so after talking to E about it, I signed up and that was that. When stuff like this happens – it makes me feel like I’ve already ‘won’ something.

As the race got closer, the weather forecast got worse – high winds –and I debated whether to do it myself. I kept having flashbacks of Mt Evans and I did not want to go through that again, but I remained on the roster. Friday before the race, it was posted that the trail got 4-12 inches of snow in areas and again, I got nervous, but remained registered. I have been on the race snowshoes about 5 times, with the longest trek being six miles- and I knew ‘better’ than to think I was ok, but I still think I thought I was going to be ok. The trail I was using was extremely hard packed – so aside from the extra effort of using snowshoes there wasn’t much needed so really I had no idea what to expect.

Saturday morning rolled around and the high wind forecast was still there, but so was I so E and I headed up to the race, and I was getting more nervous as we got closer- the wind was pretty bad. I was just hoping the trail would be deep enough into the trees that I’d be protected from the wind enough not to notice. I signed in and we made our way to the trail and I got ready to go. When everyone lined up for the start it was obvious there were not 70 people there, or the 56 I thought were officially in the race as of the last roster. It turns out only 42 people ended up even participating in the race at all.

The RD said go and we were off. I did wear my garmin for this, but kept the settings as they have been-no information on pace, just the overall time and my heart rate. I do get the end of mile beep and know how fast I went, but other than that I just have to watch my heart rate and use that as a guide. The trail started at 9600 feet and went up to around 10233 so for the most part – you’re going uphill. I don’t know how far I got into it but I looked down at my heart rate and thought – there’s no way I can sustain this for 11 miles so I backed off a bit. At that time I was behind two women-tiny women- and thought I’d just try and keep up with them for as long as possible. There was another woman in front of them so I just followed along as best as possible. I had no idea whether they were doing the 11mile or the 30k and would only know when the turnaround came.

There was a lot of powder on the trail, not something I’ve really been doing with the snowshoes and the trail itself was cambered so you had one shoe higher than the other with the lower one sinking into the snow and it was hard to get any real rhythm going. I just tried my best to follow in the footsteps ahead of me. I remember at one point I thought – gosh we’ve got to be in mile 3 at least right now, maybe even mile 4, because I hadn’t heard my garmin beep – but when it did and it beeped ‘mile 2’ – that was the first time I said out loud ‘this is *beeping*stupid’ – seriously what was I thinking. So I just plodded ahead. Thankfully, the next time I actually heard my watch beep it was mile 5 so three and four went by pretty quickly – or they were for the most part unnoticeable. I will say in one of those miles I fell – which apparently is a given at least once – so I got that out of the way – I did look around to make sure no one saw me, and no one did – for some reason I always end up in a race by myself – lucky or not who knows.

At almost precisely mile 5 I saw the first guy coming back, and in my head thought, well right now I’m technically second. (I don’t know how I create these things in my head, but I do – and a lot of times they help) He was going at a fast clip and I just don’t know how you get that comfortable on snowshoes in order to do that but he had it down. I got to the turnaround point and saw two other men heading back and then saw the two tiny women checking in and then they moved on to the 30k trail. I was first woman. (seriously??)

I turned around to head back, passed four more guys heading to the check in and suddenly there was a fire. I wanted to be first woman – I wanted to win this race, and I didn’t want anyone to pass me heading back. So I started to book it, relatively speaking. It wasn’t all downhill on the way back- the trail was rolling so I just did what I could on the uphill and tried to pick it up on the down and that was my process of thinking. I looked back from time to time but just kept moving forward- and I really wanted to be done. I hit mile 6, didn’t see mile 7 on the garmin, saw mile 8 and just thought 3.4 more to go.

At mile 9 I was ready to be done and I kid you not miraculously my ipod turned on. I had taken it with me in case I needed it, and had one earphone in, but never stopped to turn it on. It turned on itself and started playing a Pink song and that was all I needed. The trees heard my prayers and gave me at least four great songs that either helped me pick up the pace or just distracted me from the clop clop clopping of the snowshoes – which gets annoying after about six miles. I hit 11 miles and was home free – there wasn’t anyone behind me so I knew I was first woman, fourth overall and I was psyched. I ran as fast as those things could carry me and the Eminem song with the Lil’ Wayne duet came on and for some reason I really love that song. It was perfect and even more perfect because whatever .4 I thought I had left actually turned into .7 and that was not what I needed. I saw the trail sign and the parking lot and booked it to the finish line – which was actually just running up to the RD and telling him my number.

I finished the 11.7 mile race in 3:08 – a 16 min/mile pace. I was two minutes behind third place and 4 behind second – first place just blew everyone out of the water. The guy who got second place said something like ‘you really picked it up on the way back’ or something to that affect. Interestingly enough, he was the only person to pass me on the way out. I don’t remember what I said to him, if anything – I was done and really just wanted to get someplace warm and sit, even though that elicited calf and hip flexor cramps- so it wasn’t as pleasant as I thought it would be. I got my trophy from the RD and they took a few pictures and we left.

As a side note – I’ve only ever placed in two previous races so perhaps one might think I don’t have a lot to go off of, but the award for this race is by far the best award I’ve ever gotten.

Where's my Swing

2012-01-06T06:24:00.000-08:00

Getting back into the swing of things after Tucson has not been easy. I took two weeks off after the marathon, because, well, I deserved it - and I had to travel for work and it was Christmas. Last week was to be my first week 'back' and between snowshoeing and running I might have gone 20 miles. I'm garmin-less for a month so I have some sort of idea because I'm running familiar territory, but I'm not certain.

This week was going to be a 'real' week back, but Hoyt has been sick and has been home with me for the past two days and will be home again today. My intention was to get in some running, but that hasn't happened and it's Friday and I've now kind of taken the stance that this week is going to be a wash as well. I intended to do a 5k snowshoe race, but ironically there's no snow up in the mountains. Down here at 8500 feet, we're still pretty well covered - I guess I could go out and do my own race, but what fun is that.

I'm now weighing my options on signing up for the rest of the Winter Series we've done for the past three or four years, but we'll see about that. I could save more money not doing them, and with almost four weeks off I'm thinking there's no way I could come back to any sort of fitness by the 21st. Maybe I'll avoid races for awhile.

Who knows maybe the extended lay off will result in leaps and bounds in the speed and fitness department. I've devised my own 'training plan' for the next 12 weeks or so before I get into the big beefy 50 miler plan - but I'll go into that later - I'm not really all that crazy about talking about something this far out - I'll just keep moving along until I'm comfortable in where I'm going.

2011 in Review

2011-12-30T07:07:00.000-08:00

I had to really focus to recall everything from 2011 - I think I was doing some sort of training plan for every week but four during this year - whether it was marathon training, mountain bike training or ultra training, it turned out to be a busy year.

First this was to be year two in Hoyt's life - I think ultimately making sure he's happy and thriving is the most important thing I could ever accomplish - and so far I think he's doing great. None of it could ever be accomplished without E and he's been extremely patient and helpful with everything I've wanted to attempt and accomplish this year, and I think without that - none of this would have happened. Having a child later in life (for both of us) has been interesting. I'd never choose to do it any earlier because I don't think I was ever ready (sometimes I still wonder), but he really is a joy and I can't wait to see what year three will bring.

December of 2010 I started training for the Colorado Marathon - 8 months post partum. After being pregnant and not being able to run before that because of injury - it just felt good to get out there. I was safe and cautious in my training and did nothing that would chance injury and it went great.

March I ran the Canyonlands Half Marathon - it was crazy windy and I didn't do so well, which set me off wondering what was in store for the marathon. It was a sucky performance and I was in a tailspin.

April I ran a small 5k and improved my time by 1:XX- and it was good enough for 1st place female - again it was a very small race - and it gave me a bit more confidence in the marathon.

May was the marathon and I ran it conservatively and improved my marathon time by 14:XX minutes with a 4:00:51. I think had my watch not gone dead at mile 20 I could have come in under sub 4.

I immediately switched gears after the marathon to focus on training for the Firecracker 50 - a 50+ mile mountain bike race. But I didn't quit running completely because I was still up to do the Mount Evans Ascent in June. I ran that 14.5 mile race in 3:07 I believe and had to contend with 35 mile winds and 50 mile wind gusts. I was never so glad to get off a mountain before in my life, and I venture to say I won't ever try that race again.

July was the Firecracker 50 - and my first DNF. The course was lengthened due to a ton of snow and I wasn't fully aware of that fact and missed the cut off on the extended course by 2 minutes. That one still chafes me when I think about it.

Immediately after the Firecracker I started training for the Devil Mountain 50k - I didn't say much about it because I was willing to drop it if it ever got to be too much for E or for myself. That plan brought on back to back longer runs and some fairly intense trail runs that made me realize I'd much rather be running on dirt.

During that training I ran the Breck Crest Marathon - a 23.8 mile race from 10k to almost 13k feet and it was not easy. I was conservative in running it because it was only a training run but was so sore from the extreme downhill running it was laughable. The following weekend I ran a 20 mile race as a training run and that was followed the next weekend by the Autumn Color Run Marathon - another short measured marathon where I placed third overall female. I think it was then that I realized my body was pretty good at recovery and long distances.

In October I ran the Devil Mountain 50k and got 4th in my age group and finished in 6:38 which was pretty good in my opinion taking into consideration the course and I was hooked on longer distances. In retrospect I do wish I had pushed a bit harder - but I really have no regrets from that race at all.

E thought it would be good to capitalize on my base and try again for a BQ so immediately after the 50k I went into an 8 week between plan and signed up for the Tucson Marathon in December of this year.

Training for the marathon went well - I think mentally I was pretty ready for a break, but my marathon pace runs were going really well so I was gaining confidence. About Thanksgiving time I caught the croup from Hoyt and had to contend with that but got well enough by the marathon that I felt like it wouldn't affect me. I went in with an aggressive goal of 3:38 and figured I'd see what I could do.

I ran the Tucson Marathon in 3:50 not 3:38 and not a BQ but it was another 10 minute PR so I'm content with that - I didn't train specifically for the marathon - I did no speedwork outside of the MP runs and my mileage was in the 38 average during the 50k training and the 8 weeks between so I'm satisfied with my performance.

After Tucson I took a full two weeks off, and have just started running and snowshoeing this week. I received racing snowshoes for Christmas and I'm excited to do a bit of that this winter to supplement as well as replace some running so I don't get burnt out on it altogether. I'll do both through the winter - hit the trails in the spring and summer and I have a few target races/distances I'd like to run. But for now I'm keeping those under my hat. As in the past - I'll train until/unless it becomes too much for the family to handle and then if that happens I'll reevaluate.

I'll try again for a BQ this year, but with the tentative schedule it won't be on a marathon specific plan - just through miles run. I prefer this approach - I get to do the races I want to run and still make an attempt at chipping away the marathon time.

I went through 2011 without one single injury (minus the blister debacle before Canyonlands and the feared achilles injury that turned out to be nothing) - I think it speaks volumes in my growth as both a runner and as someone who knows what is enough and what is too much. 2012 I have that same goal. I'd rather run for the rest of my life with a smaller 40-50 mile base, gradually increasing to get there, then to get injured and have to take 6 or 8 weeks off.

I'd like to be able to manage a running schedule with as little disruption to family as possible. Whether that means running before the crack of dawn or other accommodations - I'm going to work on figuring that out more this year as well.

I've always been a fairly solitary runner - but I think this year I'd like to run more with a group or find a few fellow trail runners to run with - even more I'd like to be able to run with E - whether its with Hoyt and the Bob or just the two of us - I miss running with him.

I've always been a resolution girl - even when I wasn't vocalizing them, I was making them and there are a few I have - I'd like to eat better - I run, therefore I eat and its not always the best choices - I'd like to work on that. Unfortunately miles give me the luxury of not counting calories and it's hard to focus on that when its not required. I'd like to be more consistent in the pilates lessons - I go once a week and its helped immensely in every part of my body and life. Over the past four months or so I've cancelled more than I'd like and for 2012 I'd like to refocus my effort and keep up with that to help with not getting injured and I'd also like to be able to fold rather than collapse....I blame my long torso, but its actually my hamstrings fault.

I'd like 2012 to be filled with joy, a sense of calm, and a quiet mind. I tend to think too much, worry a bit too much - and I'd like to quiet those voices that tend to clutter my brain and just let everything be - that's not too much to ask I think....

Tucson Marathon Race Report

2011-12-27T12:38:00.000-08:00

Three weeks before the marathon i weighed my options: play it safe, try for the 3:45or go for a 3:38. E said to print out a 3:43 and a 3:38 so I did. My marathon pace runs were at 8:23 - I figured lower elevation plus downhill it would be ok. I think had they not slapped you in the face with mile 10-13 it might have worked. Tucson is tehnically downhill but the first five miles - the 10-14 stretch and the last three miles s.u.c.k.

Yes it was a stretch but why the heck not? I used the gmaclin pace sheet and while the 8:0X miles in between made me a bit nervous - i wasn't all that deterred - well until taper madness but not enough to switch over to the 3:43 pace band. I had a slow start for the first couple of miles and then sped up from there. I slowed down again 10-14 and then was supposed to speed up for the next 10 or so miles and planned for a fade on the last part.

We flew out Friday and hung out around Tucson. Saturday morning we woke up and drove the course - still not all that deterred with the hills but starting to get nervous. We got my packet and then hung out for the rest of the day.

Sunday I woke up, got ready, said goodbye to E and Hoyt and got on the bus. The weather was supposed to be fairly good but 65 degrees had me nervous - it was just too hot to be finishing a marathon compared to the temps I'd been running in. I tried to convince myself it wouldn't be that warm but in reality I think it was.

I carried a handheld with bloks and was planning on deploying the same tactic I used at the Colorado marathon - use that water for bloks and use the aid stations for everything else. That didn't quite work either - I ran out of water before mile 18.

Miles 1-5
These were rollers and the paces from the band worked great: 9's for the first two miles, 8:30's for the second two and then drop down to 8:06's. I had to work to slow myself down but managed just a bit under those paces. I took bloks at mile 5.

Miles 5-10
I was still having to slow myself down to stay in the 8:06-8:08 range and typically ended up with 8:03's or around there. My heart rate was around 165 and in retrospect it probably should have been lower, but at that point in my head it was too late to abandon the plan.

Miles 10-14
SUCK it. Wind, and the hills were too much for the paces and I couldn't hit them, but was pretty close. I was supposed to be in the 8:35's and was around 8:39's and one was in the 8:4X's. (My Garmin is dead and I can't get the actual paces)

Miles 14-20
I was working a little to keep lower paces, I was supposed to go back down to 8:0X's but kept it in the 8:1X's and this is about when I started watching my average pace instead. A few of these ended up being quite slower as well because I had the water stops to contend with which I had really hoped to avoid.

Miles 20-23
I'm starting to struggle more here but doing ok - my pace was still under or around BQ time, but this is when the 'you will have to forgive yourself if you don't qualify' conversation starts happening.

I've run many races where it was mile on mile of self degredation and I spent years trying to get out of that. The conversation at mile 22 and 23 had to happen - or it would have been awful, and its hard to come back from that sort of mental place. I didn't want to go there.

Unfortunately, this is where I pause to say there is a fine line between saying its ok to not qualify and allowing yourself to give up, which is what I did, and that, among many other things is a specific thing I have to work on because as soon as I came to terms with it, I gave up, and I slowed significantly.

Mile 24-26.2
They were slow and hot and filled with a few coulda/shoulda/woulda's, but never as punishment only as enlightenment. When I was talking to my sister before the race she had asked, "when will you know whether you overshot?" to which I replied, "when I'm done". I suppose you can come up with an alternative but truly you just don't know. I have a plan and I stick to it.

In reality I was five minutes short and I think to myself 'that's quite a bit in running terms' but on the other hand I have another 10 minute PR and thats quite a bit - double actually, and the trajectory has been on a positive curve so why question?

Marathons, or running in general I suppose, is a personal thing - as individual as the gear that makes up the 'uniform' people choose to wear to complete one. Some conquer their challenges pretty quickly out of the gate, consider themselves 'taught' and proceed to dispense advice like tic-tacs to anyone who asks or will listen. Some struggle with achieving what they want most, punish themselves for not doing it - or wonder what could be wrong. Some chip away at the goals and see themselves improve and are happy just to be running.

I have to say I'm none of those. I've seen improvement - not super quick. My goal to qualify still looms, but my road to get there is more like a trail: slower - methodical on the uphill - crest - recover a bit on the downhill, all the while foregoing the direct route. I do punish myself every now and then - but my approach allows me the luxury of always supplying a pretty clear reason as to why I didn't achieve my goal - and enough of a carrot to keep trying.

I'll never claim or attempt to be smarter than the runner standing next to me. Their journey, like their shoes are unique to them, and who am I to say I know their capabilities. I'll choose to let them figure it out. I'll do the same for myself.

I will always prefer to approach the process with more attack than calculation, with more chance than safety and I'll have journeys to remember along the way - rather than cycle after cycle of speedwork, miles, tune up, taper, repeat. That sounds like no fun to me. I'd rather go about it the way I have.

As for what's next - I'd like to get back on the trails and stay there for a good six months - snowshoeing and a few races is looming over the next few months and then maybe in the spring/summer I'll have a go at the road again - but we'll see.

All in all no matter what I choose - it remains individual and its my journey. In regards to what I'll do when I get there - I'll work on what happens in mile 23-26 mentally for me. I'll find the line between acceptance and giving up and figure out how to stay on the right side of that line, because had I gone about this marathon in any different way - I wouldn't have learned that about myself - I wouldn't have had the chance to realize that at some point I took the past and the self flagellation and recovered a bit too much from it - there's a place for fighting and pushing yourself and I think it's somewhere in those three miles for me.

Prelude to a Race Report

2011-12-16T12:53:00.000-08:00

I think before I get to the nitty gritty of the race, there are things I’d like to ‘put down on paper’.
For those who read (I assume there are a few, although not many) I didn’t qualify for Boston, but did get a 10 minute PR with a 3:50:37. Almost a week later, the sting has worn off but there’s still the slight itch of a wound healing. Every reason I didn’t qualify can obviously be directly attributed to me. Perhaps with a different approach – a ‘safer’ approach I might be sitting here with a 3:45, but that is not the case. Why bother beating myself up about that one?

I took the safe route on the 50k and while the results were great, I’m left with the feeling of what if I’d pushed a bit more? What then? No one can ever say. I didn’t push harder. A Marathon technically shouldn’t be easy. While the Colorado Marathon wasn’t easy, it wasn’t hard and I have questions about that marathon as well – what if?

I have no questions about Tucson – I had a plan, an aggressive one – some would say I over reached, was overly confident in what I thought I could do. That assessment – which is always just judgment poorly masked in advice – I’ll choose to ignore. Thanks but n o thanks – I’ll do what I do and I was reminded gracefully afterwards by E – it’s about the journey, not the destination, and he’s right. I would have learned nothing about myself had I finished safely with a qualifying time – I would have been left wondering again and right now I’d rather have the education. I have no doubt I’ll get there and when I do – I will have learned a lot more in the way I choose to go about this journey.

E bought the book ‘Running on Empty’ at the expo and I think I left that book remembering mostly this portion of it:

“Why do the easy, expected thing? It takes guts to follow your dreams. Courage. Many people, even those who love you, don’t understand how compelling that can be, and will try to keep you in the ‘safety zone.” But fuck that. Half the fun is venturing into the unknown, taking on the difficult task that yields new knowledge, doing more and testing your limits.”

That’s how I approached this race. I also realized what I miss most are trails. I’m not a road runner. The monotony of running on roads is evident in the song that comes to mind when I listen to my feet hit the pavement – and without fail I end up singing the chicken dance to myself while running on the road. I’ll return to the road to try again for a BQ, but I think in the meantime I’ll stick as much as I can to the trails – it’s more peaceful there.

Internally I have things I’d like to accomplish – races I’d like to run – 26.2 is a distance now – more than 13 and less than 31. There are bigger things out there – and I’d rather run mountains, but more on that later. I guess the most logical places to go next is to hash out the details of the race.

Taper Taper Taper Tucson

2011-12-01T13:14:00.000-08:00

So last weekend was my last longish run before Tucson - 16 miles. It went pretty well despite not feeling so hot and a wind that kicked up towards the end of the run. It turns out I have adult croup - after a visit to the doctor and some really nasty cough medicine and some other capsule thing, I'm beginning to feel better cough and health-wise.

This week I've got one more 8 mile marathon pace run and currently I'm looking out at about 7 inches of snow and growing. It's supposed to stop at some point in the day but will only get up to the low 30's over the next few days so I've got to figure out what day to do this run. I think it's going to be the only way I can tell what to expect in Tucson.

All the other marathon pace runs have gone really well and they've helped to build my confidence, but I really am going into this marathon a bit blind. I've done the Tucson half marathon so I know what to expect the last portion of the race, but its the last portion of this race and there's no way it can go as well as the half did when I raced it a few years ago - I mean it will be after an additional 13.1 miles - how could it go as well?

I kind of have a game plan, but I keep changing my mind. This will be my third attempt at qualifying for Boston and I think I'll be able to do it, but settling on what time to try and achieve has me a bit on the fence. I could go for a straight 3:45 because I don't think I ever really plan on running Boston - there are just too many people - but if I did, a simple 3:45 won't get me there. It would have to be at least 7 or so minutes less than that - if this past sign-up is any indication. Having that thought of course leads to the, you could start out too fast and completely blow up and miss both opportunities, or the thought that I could start out with a 3:45 in mind and then hope I have the ability to speed up and stay that way through the last portion of the race.

I've got 10 days to decide, but man it's really starting to cause a bit of a tummy ache - I guess that's what taper is all about, either that or this cough syrup is a lot stronger than I originally thought.

Has Anyone Seen My Zen

2011-11-14T14:48:00.000-08:00

Because I lost it.

A 20 Miler (I mean 15)That Didn’t Go So Well

2011-11-07T07:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was – as you can see from the title – supposed to be a 20 miler, one of only two in my amended Higdon 8 Weeks between Marathon program, and it didn’t go so well. I cut it short at mile 15 for a myriad of reasons, and surprisingly I’m pretty zen about not going the full distance, which is not something I could have ever said in training plans previous – perhaps I am growing up after all. I have a 22 miler in two weeks so hopefully I will make up for it with that one, I now know things I need to be sure of for that run in order to not have a repeat performance.

The Things I Did Wrong:

One good thing about running during the summer, you’re always thirsty, I was uber hydrated for those 3-4 months because I couldn’t get enough down my yap to survive running the distances and trails I was doing. That’s not the case once it slows down. I don’t get thirsty and I don’t remember to drink, whether it’s while running or just every day life – so I think I’m probably borderline dehydrated most days. I can typically tell because my lips are chapped or I’m not going to the bathroom enough or the scale body fat registers a larger percentage than normal. Funny even with all those signs, I still can’t manage to correct it. I don’t think before or during my run I was well hydrated, and that causes a huge bonk for me.

The day before I didn’t eat much, even though I was reminding myself to do so. I had a few pieces of sausage for breakfast and then some spaghetti later that night, but not nearly enough. I went into the run on Sunday woefully underfed.

I wore my Hoka’s because I need to break in another pair of my Brooks, but figured what the heck. I haven’t run anything above 8 or 10 in those shoes and I discovered around mile 13 that they rub up against the bone near my ankle and it was starting to hurt. That was causing me to overcompensate and adjust my gait and I know from experience that never ends well with me.
We went to Wash Park, which we’ve always done in the past and it hasn’t been an issue, but the loop around the park is 2.6 miles which means I had to go around 8 times, and since running trails training for the 50k – that process has gotten so monotonous I was annoyed by lap 4. The convenience of being able to pass by the vehicle and get more water or drop off a shirt or whatever, no longer outweighs the boredom I feel running that loop.

I didn’t take my Clif Bloks fast enough. I’ve done this a few times now, but have managed to still complete the run, but this time it didn’t work for me – probably because of the poor nutrition the day before.

I can’t seem to slow myself down. The logical part of my brain is telling my legs to slow down, that the pace is too fast for a long run, but the not so logical part of my brain starts talking to the other side to distract it from the leg conversation and by mile 15 I’m still doing 9:20’s or less. This one kills me to be honest because it takes so much energy to continually have this conversation and not be successful, it’s like running an extra few miles.

Had all of this outside the shoe issue occurred, I probably would have finished the run, but knowing I was altering my gait – I called it at mile 15 – the intent was to drive home (its an hour drive) and finish the 5 miles, but I then started the conversation with myself about what that five miles was going to get me, and sitting in a car for an hour and then starting to run again was not a good combination because my body was starting to tighten up, so I called it, and told myself I was going to have to let it be ok, and so far I think it’s worked.

I’d be silly to say it doesn’t make me nervous that I will only have one 20 mile + run, but really there is nothing I can do at this point to remedy it. I’ve got a 5k this weekend to figure out where my fitness is in order to try and help figure out pace for the marathon and then the 22 miler and then training is all but done. I’ll either qualify for Boston or I won’t, and either way it will have to be ok because there’s not much I can do about it afterwards either. I’m learning the lessons slowly, but I am learning them.

Speed Take Two

2011-10-24T08:55:00.001-07:00

So Friday I felt better than I did Thursday and figured since I botched the MP run, I'd go ahead and try it again. I realize that two MP runs in a row probably isn't the best idea, but Thursday's was only 4 miles so again I figured what the heck.

Well, I'm glad I did. I managed 6 miles at an 8:34 pace and that was with a 1/2 mile warmup - so it was 5.5 miles at an 8:30 pace. I still wasn't feeling 100%, it was a bit warm and windy so I'm pretty happy I could do it. In the two previous training cycles I was never able to successfully complete the first few marathon pace runs, so having been able to do it gives me a little bit of confidence.

Saturday I ran 5 and Sunday I ran 12 miles (well 11.35) at a 9:35 pace. It's a bit fast for a long run, but it felt pretty good for the most part. I think my body is pretty used to the 'fuel early and often' approach I took with training for the ultra, because before that training cycle I was able to run without fueling for longer than I am now. I ate clif blox at mile 5 and could have used some more closer to the end but I didn't bring any. I guess I'll have to remember that for next time.

I've got 7 more weeks to train for the marathon and in between there I'm going to attempt another 5k. Not a fan of 5k's but I'd like to see what I can do....

Getting Back Into the Speed of Things

2011-10-20T13:38:00.000-07:00

Technically I’m training for Tucson, but we went to Ohio for four days and for the past two days I’ve been sick and last night I took a vicodin to help with the flu aches pains, headache, and sore throat, but today I had a 6 mile marathon pace run on tap and thought – what the heck, I’ll try it.

I was smart enough to tell myself that it was ok if it didn’t turn out as planned – although somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind that never works. I set out and did a half mile warm up at a 9:00 minute mile pace and then apparently took off like a bat out of hell for the next mile because it came in at 8:02. I managed to slow down for the next mile and it came in at an 8:22 and then I think the meds I took last night kicked in because the proverbial wheels fell off. Mile 3 ended up at an 8:49 and the last half was a 9 minute pace.

I cut it short at 4 miles and averaged 8:36 which is one second off of my marathon pace and includes the half mile warm up, but its 2 miles less than what I was supposed to do.

I’m cutting myself a break on this one. Truly I am.

This weekend is 6 and 12 miles – I’d like to keep the six miles on trail, because I really do miss running trails, and the 12 miles if I can keep it at a 9:20 average I’ll consider it good. I’ve just got to get over this sickness and things should get easier.

Thought for the Day

2011-10-19T11:09:00.001-07:00

My sister sent this to me this week - it's one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time.

A Week Later

2011-10-10T08:42:00.000-07:00

Ok - maybe plus a few days, but at least a week later.

I never got sore after this one, in the back of my mind I wonder whether it's because I didn't push hard enough. The weird thing on the back of my knee comes and goes, but I've run three times and it eventually disappears. I've been stretching my hamstrings and calves to see whether that will help at all.

As for what's next - well E and I have talked and I've decided to run the Tucson Marathon in attempt to qualify for Boston - the elevation is lower and with the net downhill I'm hoping third time will be a charm. It's December 11th so I'm just following the Higdon between marathons plan with a week added in.

Mentally it's added pressure - to meet paces and trying to reach a set goal. The 50k, although I had goals, meeting paces was never an issue - it was just doing the distance. I think I'll have a good chance at qualifying, but who knows - I'll know more once the MP runs start.

If I do get there - it will be a nice cap to a full year of training and racing, even if I don't it's been a great year of learning and pushing limits, so either way I think I win...

Devil Mountain 50k Race Report

2011-10-03T10:03:00.000-07:00

I had three goals going into this race:
1. Finish – DONE
2. Sub 7 hours – DONE 6:38:07
3. Place in my age group – I got 4th
(and now we pause for a bit of pouting: The woman that got third in my age group was originally a 50 miler, and decided to drop to the 50k. It’s kind of a bummer to know that. Mentally I think, ‘well if I was training for a 50 miler and did the 50k I sure hope I’d do well. ‘ I also understand that anything can happen on race day and her decision was probably a good one. End pout)

We got to Pagosa Springs on Thursday and then Friday my mom came in. E was planning on being at different parts of the course to provide extra support outside of the aid stations and just to check in and see how things were going, so my mom came in to watch Hoyt.

We drove the beginning and end parts of the course that were on dirt road and picked up the packet Friday night. I got ready and we made it an early night on Friday.

Saturday we got up and headed out after saying goodbye to my mom and Hoyt. We got to the start and it was perfect weather – I believe high 30’s low 40’s. The start was pretty uneventful – it was going to be a nice warm up because it was 2.4 miles of dirt road that was some uphill and some downhill, before you started on singletrack. They said go and away we went.

I kept it fairly easy the first miles – in the 10 minute range – I was reminding myself constantly not to get too caught up in the first couple of miles because it wasn’t going to feel like that the entire way. I had two climbs to do and one was pretty significant. Previous to the race I had somewhat mapped out the paces that I ‘wanted’ to keep for the different sections. When I added up the time it ended up being in the low 6 hour range and I knew that wasn’t possible. Sub six hours I thought might be pushing it, because the results in two years past had only 5 women running a sub 7 hour race and the first year 6:34 was the winning time for the women so to me it seemed like a stretch goal, but I set it anyway.

Once we hit the singletrack it was uphill. It was nothing like the Breck Crest uphill, so I jogged some of it and walked what was too steep. This was a lot nicer than Breck because it had flatter parts mixed in so you got to ‘recover’ a bit throughout the overall climb. I tried to always remember something I read that Matt Carpenter wrote about uphill and deciding to either walk or run it, because more effort was expended switching between the two than just committing to one so that’s what I did.

The first uphill part was about 3 miles long and in this stretch I passed quite a few people, I reminded myself to slow down but I felt good so as long as I wasn’t feeling like I overdid it, I remained at that pace. I heard someone say ‘that’s the top’ and it was downhill after that. I think I’m getting better at downhill because I might have gotten passed by one or two people, but I know that I still have work to do on it.

At mile 9 E was parked where the trail met a dirt road – he ran with me for a bit, I told him I felt good and that I’d see him near the last aid station – mile 23 or so and kept going. We had six miles of downhill, some dirt road some trail and it was never a pounding downhill – I reminded myself I had eight miles of downhill to get through at the finish so I needed to conserve some of my quads.

A side note here – I wore my hydration vest – it was recommended. I don’t regret that decision at all. I didn’t stop at the first aid station which meant I passed at least 6 people here – some repassed me, some did not. I never got dehydrated, in fact I had to stop and pee twice during the race. Probably a bit of overkill. I took clif bloks with me and a few endurolytes. I took one endurolyte at the 3rd aid station I think, and aside from two cookies at aid two and a handful of M&M’s at another with a cup of coke at 3 and 4 – I only ate bloks, and it worked out great.
We turned onto another singletrack around mile 10 that was the start of the 8 mile uphill portion. I believe the course went from 7000 to 9800 feet in that distance. There were portions that flattened out and then portions that were pretty darn steep and it was here where I started to watch my sub six hour goal start to disappear. I was never really far out of it – I think the slowest my overall pace was at one point was 13:35, but in my head doing that math I was pretty close to going above 7 hours.

I passed two women and I think five or so men – some of the men would end up passing me again on the downhill but I was still feeling pretty strong. I would try and jog any part that flattened out, but it really was a hike for a good portion of this.

Once you got to the crest of the mountain I was able to jog, but I found that I was going a lot slower than expected because I was trying to shake out my legs and let them recover from the uphill. I took the downhill as fast as I could but not to the point where I ever felt out of control. I did not want to fall.

I got to the third aid station and filled my bladder and was on my way again, around mile 19.2 and I felt surprisingly good. I knew there was another portion of uphill and then the last 8 miles would be all downhill so I just focused on breaking down the mileage by how many to get to the next aid station and then how many to go to see E again, and then how many to the finish.
The final aid station was at mile 23.5 and E was there waiting for me. I let the people fill my hydration vest, ate some M&Ms and drank a cup of coke and we were off again. It was all downhill from here and almost all dirt road. E ran alongside me until he got to the car and I asked him to stop again somewhere around mile 28 because it helped to have something to countdown, so he did.

I got to the dirt road and it was a lot of relief on my ankles, because the camber and undulation of the trail was really starting to stress them a bit. The downhill before the last aid station was especially brutal so I shook them out a bit while running and then I started to push it.

I got passed by a woman and a man I figured was her husband around mile 26 – I had played leap frog with them earlier on the uphills and then would be passed by them on the downhill and I was a bit annoyed but reminded myself it was my race, and I was there to finish.

I looked down briefly around 26.2 miles just to acknowledge I was officially past the marathon distance, and then kept running. My last miles were in the high 8 to 9 minute mile range and I was watching the overall pace go down significantly over these miles. I knew sub 7 was in reach barring any catastrophe so I was super excited.

There was another long uphill on the dirt road and it was here I again passed the woman and her husband along with three other people. I managed to keep them behind me until the end of the race.

The finish was pretty low key – I crossed the line that was drawn with someone’s foot in the dirt road, they took my bib tag and handed me a cute pitchfork the kids of Pagosa Springs had made as finishing medals. I hugged my mom and E and I was done. I’d finished my first 50k – and had reached at least two of my goals I’d set the week before.

We went back to the cabin, I showered and then we went to eat. E and I went to the hot tub later that night and we had a really mellow night.

The next morning we went to the pancake breakfast back at the start where I found out I was 4th in my age group – 11th woman over all out of 26 and 34th out of 75 I think. E remembered the girl that got third in my age group and made the comment he saw her at the aid station and heard her say she was dropping from the 50 miler. He said he thought had I had another mile I could have passed her. Who knows, all I know is I ran a really smart race for myself – I think I’ve somewhat learned the lessons of starting out too fast and managing what I’m capable of, and that’s the best feeling ever.

It’s Monday and I really don’t have any horrific soreness to speak of, the back of my left knee is a little tender, but other than that it starts to make me wonder whether I should have pushed harder. Obviously I’m never satisfied. I vow that at least for this week, I won’t think like that – I’m just going to be happy for what I did do, rather than wonder what I could have done.

In the Midst of Taper

2011-09-26T08:19:00.000-07:00

The 50k is less than 5 days away and I’ve submerged myself in the elevation profile to try and create some sort of plan as to what I will run in different sections of the race to try and figure out how long I will be out there – yes its probably full on taper madness, but I do feel quite calm at the moment.

I read somewhere that a 50k is hardly an ultra race – more just a poorly marked marathon. Technically speaking I’ve run one poorly named marathon (23.65 miles) and one poorly marked marathon (23.8 miles) both obviously short and a 50k errs on the long side but maybe it’s ok to say I’ve already run a few of those.

I’m not downplaying anything about the distance, but I am trying to give myself perspective for the race. Maybe it’s a bit misguided, but who knows how my brain works, I did sign up for this after all.

This weekend was the last weekend for anything significant in the way of running – although maybe 10 miles isn’t even significant in comparison. I’m happy to be tapering and I’ve got a long list of things to do before we leave for Pagosa Springs so that should distract me a bit as well.

I think in regards to goals I have a few:
1)Finish
2)Finish under 7 hours
3) (this is a stretch goal that I allow myself to ponder on the drive to work in order to pass the time)Placing in my age group.

I really don’t know what to expect for this race – what I think I’m capable of might not even come close to what I’m actually capable of, and to get wrapped up in anything doesn’t make sense for the long run – get it, long run?

Does a Garmin even last for seven hours? I guess I’m about to find out.

I’ve managed some fairly good training, that has helped me understand what I’m capable of and what I can push and what I can’t. Three 20+ milers in a row (on weekends) was not something I expected to be able to do, but I did so a 50k is well in the realm of possibility.

We leave on Thursday, so I’ll have a day to rest between the drive and the race and my mom is coming so she can keep an eye on Hoyt and E can try and meet me at a few different places along the course. He’s done a huge amount of support during this whole thing, and with the amount of travel we’ve done to different races you would think I was making money doing this, or was some elite runner or something – neither of which is occurring, but it does seem kind of ridiculous when I think about it. My intent was just to find a few races to help with the training, and I managed that pretty well, but it was still a lot of travel and money in the grand scheme of things.

I’m never going to be some fast running elite minded runner. My fast twitch muscle fibers are non-existent to be honest, but what I lack in those I more than make up for in basic ignorance, stubbornness, and probably a bit of stupidity and apparently those are the top three things you need in order to get through races of any extended distance.

Autumn Color Run Marathon

2011-09-19T06:25:00.000-07:00

This weekend E, Hoyt and I drove to Buena Vista so I could run the Autumn Color Run Marathon - my last 'long run' in the Ultra training. Technically I was only supposed to do 24 miles, but I figured at this point what's 2.2 more in the old training plan. We brought our camper and camped at one of the RV parks near town - which is always interesting because you never know how Hoyt is going to adjust to being somewhere new when it's time to go to bed, but this time it was fairly easy.

We got to Buena Vista on Friday around noon. This was the first year for the marathon, the 1/2, 10k and 5k have been done before but this year they decided to do a full marathon. The course is mostly dirt road, forest road, the 1/2 marathon is pretty much all downhill, but the full would start in the opposite direction in order to get in the extra distance which meant uphill. The elevation was around 8500 and you ran up to 9000 or something like that and then turned around and went back down and followed the half marathon route.

There were a lot of hiccups on this race, and being someone that looks for 'signs' - I was pretty nervous about running the race and ignoring those little things that happen.

First - when we went to packet pickup - they didn't have my number, they had every other number, but for some reason the bibs skipped it. They searched everywhere and couldn't really figure out what to do - they said it was probably lying around somewhere so they asked me to come to packet pick-up in the morning and by then they would have figured something out. Just as a side note - this was a really really small marathon - 21 people I believe is where it was capped. I think 18 only ended up running it. I don't know how large the other races were, but i do know the 1/2 and eventually the 5k were capped as well.

E and I started to drive the course and it really was a pretty backdrop. The cottonwoods and the aspens are changing up there and surrounded by the lake and just the mountains of Cottonwood Pass - there aren't a lot of road marathons that can bring in all of that. The road to the start was pretty straightforward but when you started going on what was going to be the out and back of the marathon it started getting pretty steep. Luckily there were some rolling hills so it wasn't going to be the slog that was the Breck Crest Marathon, but it was steep nonetheless.

We got to the point where there were some markings on the road and the measurements were off - by about a mile, which meant it would be two miles short. We drove for a bit more in order to see if perhaps we measured wrong and there was another marking but we didn't find one. (sign two)

We went back to the campsite and hung out, let Hoyt play, ate spaghetti at a local restaurant and then hit the sack.

The alarm went off the next morning and everyone got ready and headed to the park to see what solution they had designed for my bib. When I got there, there were about four people there, all race organizers and I said I was there for my bib. I heard someone remark about the 'early birds' but didn't really think anything of it. They had decided to take a number from another group of bibs and just Sharpie out the zero at the end so I was still my number, but with a blackened zero. I remarked to one of the people that it seemed as if the course was short and he said they had measured it three times and someone else was going out to measure it again that morning so I just figured there was something we missed and got back in the truck.

We drove up to the start rather than me riding the bus - the plan was for E to be there and see me on the way back down. It was getting awfully close to 7 am and the bus was nowhere to be found so I started to wonder what the heck was going on. (sign number 3) When a race person finally drove by E asked what time the race started and they said 8am. An hour of sleep all three of us missed.

While hanging out up there for the extra hour it started to rain and I had not brought my rain jacket (sign number 4). It was pretty cold and the only solution at that point was to run with my non waterproof sweatshirt until it either stopped or I got warm enough that it wouldn't matter. Luckily for me it stopped raining right about the time the race started, but I still opted to keep the sweatshirt and am so glad I did because at not one point did I take it off until I was back down again and met E at the truck.

This race was tiny, and the guy pretty much said 'go' and we were off. I knew this was a training run for me and opted to wear the heart rate monitor and have it beep at me when I went over a heart rate I wasn't comfortable with - I've never done this before and was instantly annoyed when I heard the first beep and suddenly became 'that girl', but it was too late and the only option would be to turn off the Garmin entirely so I stuck with it. I think it was probably a good thing anyway - it did keep me in check. I'd just slow down and get it where it needed to be so it did work.

I know that with past experience - I can get uphill pretty fast - even walking - so I manage a pretty good pace. I'm very well aware that I 'slow down' on the downhill - whether its to save my quads for the week or just timidness or both, but going uphill I was pretty steady.

I saw the first male on the way down as well as the first female and then all of the sudden the people who were right in front of me had turned around and from my watch we we still had a mile to go. I rounded the corner and there was the turn around and it was too short - by a mile, so this wasn't going to be a marathon unless they had something planned closer to the finish.

I was now fourth female overall and started my descent. I was passed fairly quickly by a man, but the third place woman was always in my sight. I reminded myself this wasn't a 'race' for me and tried to keep myself in check but that wasn't working. She eventually slowed down and I eventually passed her and was now third.

I saw E at the truck and he confirmed my placing - filled my water bottle - I gave Hoyt a kiss and then started back down the road. I was keeping my pace in check since my heart rate was no longer an issue and reminding myself my quads were going to make me pay for it if I just tried to barrel down the mountain - when E passed in the truck and yelled 'see you on the podium' I think mentally all that other stuff kind of went out the window. I wanted to see him on the podium.

I was doing my own thing, getting down the mountain and all of the sudden this girl passes me. Quiet as a mouse - crap - there goes my third place, and it made me sad. I wasn't going to see E on the podium. I kept with her for awhile and then started reminding myself it wasn't a race, just a run, don't do it. I slowed a little but kept her as close as I could, until finally I just had to let her go.

I think it was around 5 miles left when they had us turn a corner that I spotted the girl and her boyfriend who originally would have been second. The girl that had passed me had passed them and so a little bit of hope sprung and I was again revived. I figured this girl might slow down as she wasn't too chipper on the way up and there were times where her boyfriend was holding her hand - either to help her up the mountain or just as support, but I knew I had a chance.

They started walking with about four miles to go and that's when I passed them. Immediately the Garmin started chirping but I didn't care. I didn't look behind me to see whether they had started running, but I just kept going, when I finally did take a glance back, it was obvious I was safe - I was back in third.

The rest of the miles were pretty uneventful - the race was short by two miles so it wasn't really a marathon, but it was the perfect distance for what I was actually supposed to run and I was glad it was almost over. I don't think I could have run that extra two miles after getting used to the idea that it was short. I crossed the finish line and was done - third place.

We did have to explain to the people who were timing the race that I was a marathoner and not a 1/2 - because the pull tag still had the original number on it and I picked up my medal and we headed back to camp to pack up and head home.

I'm now in day two post race and my quads are surprisingly not as sore as Breck and I'm hoping its because I'm getting used to downhill running. I'm now officially in taper which I couldn't be happier and I'm now wrapping my head around the 50k.

I'm still trying to figure out a few things about strategy but I'm sure I'll have them nailed down by the time we get there and all in all this training stint has made me a stronger runner and I think a faster one as well. I've surprised myself by being able to do a 23.65 mile, 20 mile and 24 mile run on back to back weekends without messing anything up because all those signs I was sure were pointing to injury. I guess I'll start relying on myself to provide signs rather than the universe.

Devil Mountain 50k Here I Come

2011-09-15T07:21:00.000-07:00

The training cycle has almost ended – looking back I haven’t said much about the fact that I am training, and for what because I think I was always prepared to ditch everything at a moments’ notice if it became too time consuming for life and E and Hoyt – and I think there are often moments of feeling as if that is the case, especially for E, but regardless I’ve managed to stick with it. Last weekend I ran 20 miles, a week after running 23.65 miles in the Breck Crest Marathon and this weekend I’m registered for the Autumn Color Run marathon, a true marathon this time, but not a qualifier of any sort. Qualifying for Boston isn’t exactly on my radar right now - not my close radar anyway.

I hesitate to out myself because there’s always a chance something could go wrong, especially with the marathon looming and running +20 miles three weeks in a row. Overall I’ve recovered nicely and have been very attentive to how I’m feeling and have adjusted runs accordingly, but again there’s always a chance something could go wrong. Regardless of all of that I will now put on paper (virtual paper anyway) that I’m training and plan to run a 50k on October 1st. I’m running the Devil Mountain Ultra in Pagosa Springs – and while I don’t want to say I’m excited to do it, I am kind of excited to see how I do.

I’ve followed an ultra plan for the past 10 weeks and have made changes here and there if I felt like the mileage took too large of a jump – it did. I also made changes to it if I didn’t hit the long distance mileage for the weekend – I didn’t. Overall I think I’ve averaged 38-40 miles per week over the duration – or I will have after this week if all goes well. It’s a jump from the 26 mile average for the marathon training and I think I’m good with this amount – I don’t think I’d go up past 50 miles per week on a regular basis – there isn’t enough time and I don’t know if I’d have the energy. I feel pretty good so far about my ability to finish, I don’t want to say its ‘only’ 5 more miles more than a marathon because who knows what can happen, but it’s a trail race and while I’m hoping to do better than just finish under the time cut off – there’s always that as a fall back, and going the distance at any speed will eventually get you to the finish.

It’s a completely different animal in comparison to road running and racing. I’ve stayed at 8500 feet elevation for most of the runs, and have done the long runs on trail, well all except for last weekend which was lower and mostly on crushed trail but there were some paved portions – and the difference is palpable. I’m somewhat convinced trail running makes you a better and/or stronger runner. Even if you end up a slower runner for most of the time – I think when I do attempt to qualify for Boston again, there will definitely be some changes. I also think that training in the heat has helped as well – it’s finally starting to cool off and I’m hoping that means my pace will improve as well.

So there you have it – my report on what I’ve done over ‘Summer Vacation’. Bring on Fall, because I’m ready.

Breck Crest 'Marathon'

2011-09-06T07:07:00.000-07:00

Over Labor Day weekend E, Hoyt and I went back to Breckenridge so I could run the Breck Crest Marathon - it's not actually a marathon, it's only 23 miles, but the website says something like, 'purists will thank us at the end for it only being 23 miles'. The course is basically up over and along the ten mile range and then back down again. You spend a lot of time over 12,000 feet - just under 13,000 actually and this one was a tough one.

I decided to do it to use the aid stations and the 'comraderie' of other people racing - and the aid stations did come in handy, but in reality I was again by myself for the majority of this race. It's ok because at least I knew there was someone out there running with me - even if they weren't actually with me.

I told myself this was not a race for me - it was a training run - and I would only push myself so far as to finish the race, but not at an extreme effort that would affect running afterwards. As I sit right now, knowing I'm supposed to do four miles today - I'm thinking regardless of that fact I might need to skip the 4 miler today. The uphill was unforgiving, and the downhill was much of the same. It really didn't matter how conservative I was, my quads are still not happy with me.

I've learned through this race that I need to learn how to run downhill - I passed people on the way up, but downhill was the only place I got passed. I have a tendency to be timid - especially near roots because of the huge digger I took earlier this summer when I ruined my wedding ring (still haven't gotten it back and it's been almost 4 months). It's something to work on for the future, but I'm ok with it right now, some of the downhill was just way too steep to mess with anyway.

You were allowed to have drop bags for this race and the plan was to pick up my hydration vest for the middle portion then drop it again and use the handheld, but I ended up keeping the handheld the entire time. It worked well for me and now I think I might have to readjust my thinking for the 50k in October. It might bode well for me to just use that if the aid stations are spaced like they were in this race.

I'm not going to go through the splits - I will say I had two miles in the 21 range and one in the 18 range. I finished the 23.65 miles by my Garmin in 5:34 - I thought I was going to be out there for 6-7 hours so I'm really happy with the result and knowing I didn't really push myself - that makes it ok too. I got 8th out of my age group I think there were 14. First and second place or maybe it was first and third came from my group so I've either got to age faster or slower and get out of this 30-39 range. Although I guess eventually they would follow me so whatever.

I meant to take pictures, the camera was with my hydration vest - but there's something about getting up past tree line and being up there for that length of time that makes you just want to get down and that's how I felt. I wonder whether I would have even taken pictures or whether I would have just had to carry the camera for the distance. I googled and found some random pictures of the trails and the Ten Mile Range we were on, here are a few:

This, I believe would be one of the first climbs up the range - all in all there were about four.
Ignore the people on the bikes - again these pictures are 'borrowed' and I have no idea who they are. Once you get up this you get a bit of downhill before the next uphill, and while it's nice to get the relief of the downhill looking forward and seeing this is not at all a good feeling:

I spent a lot of time above treeline on Sunday - a lot. Here are a few other random pictures I found of different parts of the trail:

This is where you begin to go 'down' - yes you did eventually get to go down, but it was at times less than pleasant.

There was one more uphill after this, and it brough you right out of treeline again, and it was UP out of tree line - fast.

I managed my hydration and my fueling well - never cramped and ran out of water only once, which was right before the next aid station. I've got two more 'races' before the 50k where I'll make all of my decisions on what and how to carry things.

I'm happy with the results of this race, it wasn't a race for me in the finish fast sense, and it's hard to enter something and not have it become that for me, but I did it. I don't know whether my results would have been that dramatically different had I actually been in a race mindset, probably not by much, but it's another great accomplishment for me and it's just a build up for the next one....

USA Pro Cycling Challenge

2011-08-29T06:26:00.001-07:00

This weekend E, Hoyt and I went up to Breckenridge to watch the 5th stage of the USAPCC and to get in a run at higher elevation. I'm not a diehard cycling fan, but we do watch the Tour and we were genuinely excited that they brought back this race in whatever capacity and it did not disappoint.

I was happy to see Cadel win the tour this year, but I was rooting for Andy Schleck - coming in third three times in a row kind of makes him the Susan Lucci of cycling and like Phil Mickelson before he won a major - it made you want to root for him just to see him win something. Obviously this race was not to be that time, but maybe next year.

There's not a perfect spot to see 7 seconds of a cycling race - they are travelling so fast and while being at the finish I guess would be the best spot - it tends to get really crowded there so we didn't really want to be in that mess. There was a turn right before the finish and initially we thought we'd park ourselves there, but it was obvious a few thousand other people thought the same thing so we worked our way down even further before the turn. We hung out there and then heard that Andy was in the front so I was really excited to try and see and get a picture of him and anyone else that rode by. When they speed by you that fast its hard to pick out anyone, and we ended up not even catching Levi in yellow because they were going so fast. You get the luxury of all the motorcycles and the lead vehicles coming in so you know what's happening and the build up is just incredible - again for about 7 seconds of viewing. You know they are right around the corner when the helicopter is above you so you just have to stand there with your camera and try and get a shot. This is mine - I'm pretty sure it's Andy:

And then this might be him from the back:

The breakaway always gets overtaken by the peleton and this was no exception - I think I saw he came in 45th or something - even this close to the finish. Our intent was to try and go to Golden to see them again, but in the end we stayed home and watched it on television - it really is the best way to see the majority of the race, but it was great to experience the electricity of being there. My sister has gone to see parts of the Tour of California and she said we had way more fans come out then California did so I really do hope they continue the race going forward.

E and Hoyt and I also went out for a ten mile run on Saturday - the elevation is about 9500 feet and I need all that training I can get - I ended up averaging about a 9:30 pace so I was happy with that - I just ran even though I kept thinking I should slow myself down a bit for whatever reason. This weekend we go back to Breck for the holiday weekend and so I can run the Breck Crest 'Marathon'. I put it in quotes because it's not really a marathon - its only 23 miles, but they refer to it as a marathon. It's a trail run and you basically go over 12,500 feet to the Ten Mile Range and then back down into town so I'm thinking if I can finish it in 6-7 hours that'll be good. I'm already a little freaked out about it being that I ran the first portion of the course and it's not even a run - its more like a hike. I think it will feel a bit different out there knowing others are doing the same thing.

It's still hot as all get out, and it's almost September and I'm just begging for a break in the heat, but I don't see one any time soon. It has too cool down by October 1, doesn't it?

In other news I thought I'd post some pictures of the cutest kid ever - since I haven't in awhile. Here he is oohing and ahhing at the cyclists going by:

And here he is with his own bicycle helmet:

These B2B's Blow

2011-08-15T13:07:00.000-07:00

I think it's probably more the heat than the mileage - which hasn't broken mind you. I've even managed to get up earlier in order to avoid the majority of it, but even that hasn't worked.

This past weekend was the 18/10 which turned into a 16/7 because it was hot, I ran out of water, I picked a really hard new trail and I just wasn't feeling it. I wanted to lay down and cry on Saturday when I was on the way back to the car - I took my last sip of water at mile 12 so the next four miles were nothing short of not fun. Sunday I went out for 10 and told myself I'd cut it short if the damage from the previous day had been done, and it had.

Just for future reference, I don't ever plan on training for anything running related in the summer. It is too hot - I'll stick to biking - or moving - to the South Pole. Next weekend is the 20/10 and I'm just hoping I can figure out a way to pull that one off. I'm losing a lot of confidence in my running ability - can the heat really affect me that much? It can't all be the heat can it?

I think I'm going to find out in about a month or so.

B2B's

2011-08-01T06:48:00.000-07:00

In my summer training plan I'm introducing something new - I'm still not doing speedwork, I figured that will come with my next marathon training, right now I'm just building up a base - I'm doing back to back runs on the weekends.

I've done back to back runs before on a smaller scale - 3 miles plus the long run, something like that, but this time I'm doing the typical long run followed by 8-10 miles. Oh and both are all on trails, in the heat. God I'm slow this time around.

So far I've done a 10/8, 12/8, and a 14/8. Something else I've learned - I don't sweat the mileage, so if I was being totally honest - the 12 miler was 11.53 and the 14 miler was 13 - I typically make up a bit of the missing mileage the next day, but with the heat the way it is, and running on trails, I'm figuring the effort of a half or a mile shorter than what's prescribed pretty much washes out.

So far it's been fine. I get more sore than when I'm running road, and again I'm a lot slower because the trails aren't flat, and most of them are at 8500 feet, but regardless I feel ok. It's been nice to try something new and it will probably do me a lot of good come fall when I figure out whether there's another marathon on the horizon and whether I'm going to up my goal to try and qualify for Boston again.

That was after all the whole point of this blog...

I can't believe I'm going to say it but I am - I'm ready for fall. The heat is unrelenting, and this weekend I purposely cut it short - I would have cut it shorter than 13 miles had I been closer to the vehicle, but I had to get back to the car. I'm very aware of how I feel, and I've been using a hydration pack, and so far I've drained that thing dry in all but one of my runs. It's 1.5 liters, and I have a 2 liter one I'm going to have to start using next weekend when I move up to a 16/10 back to back. I'm hoping the weather god's will give me a little relief and put the temps in the 80's because I have yet to get up earlier than normal to run. I'm so not a morning person, but that is seriously going to have to change come Saturday if I want to get in the 16 miles.

My Own Post on the Heat (because everyone has one)

2011-07-20T09:13:00.000-07:00

It's hot. Even in Colorado - it seems really hot.

I lived in Arizona for a long time - I'm aware of what heat is, in comparison, Colorado dulls - but while living in Arizona, I did not run to anywhere but the next class or bar or table to wait on - so I have no clue what it's like to run in Arizona - people must get up pretty early to do it.

In Colorado - I run, and I've done some running in the heat this summer. Looking back I don't know if I've ever seriously trained in the summer. Last summer Hoyt was a baby, the summer before that I was pregnant and while I was running I did most if not all inside, the summer before that I was injured, so this is the first time I've ever seriously tried to follow a plan in the heat - and currently it blows.

I have withheld my complaints as long as possible. I've reminded myself of the horrific conditions of the Mt. Evans Ascent and that's managed to keep my trap shut until this point, but crikey – it’s hot.

Last weekend I ran 10 on Saturday and 6 on Sunday. It seems as if no matter how hard I try I always end up running during the peak heat time and Saturday was brutal. I drank all the water in my hydration pack, sweated like a fool, and even when the freak rainstorm hit – it felt good, but not good enough.

Sunday I got up earlier – but was still out in the heat and add to the fact that I was at 8500 feet and running uphill – it didn’t feel so good.

I know I’ll get used to the heat, to a point, and it will get somewhat easier, but it.is.hot.

I have to figure out how to become a morning person, like a really early morning person so I can get through the next two months. I think I might hate mornings more than I hate the heat though. This summer is going to be the death of me.

I did come across this article that at least gives me hope.

If all of this is true about the training being an advantage for cooler running – I’m going to do awesome in my next marathon, here’s hoping for the best!

Firecracker 50 – Part 2 Lap 2

2011-07-11T06:34:00.000-07:00

I last left everyone at the bottom of the first lap in Carter Park – looking down and wondering why the course was reading long and starting to get concerned about what that meant for my time and making the cut off.

I pedaled through the park, grabbed a Clif Blok package from a support person, immediately dropped it, had to stop and pick it up jump back on the bike and keep going. I got behind two people who I had passed previously on an uphill who had then passed me on the downhill – and I passed them again.

Lap 2

I’m back on Boreas Pass, much slower this time, and much more aware of how much my rear end hurt. But I’m pedaling. I start to get passed by people and look over and admire how clean they are, because I am not. The mud on top of the water on top of the dirt made for an interesting sight I’m sure. I finally realized after a bit they were obviously part of a team, doing their lap so it all started to make sense.
I was down to the small chain ring on the way up this time, doing what I could to pedal and not pay attention to my back or my rear and still trying to retain a good pace. I worked my way through the paved portion of Boreas Pass, passed a few people here and then decided, ‘why not, I’m going to do the jump and get a shot of Wild Turkey for doing it,’ so I did the jump and then decided Wild Turkey for the rest of the race, might not go down so well so I opted out of the shot and kept pedaling.

Before hitting the first aid station I went for a drink out of my hydration pack and realized it was empty. There was a moment of panic, because there was no way I could go the entire rest of the race without water. I knew I could take a bottle from the aid station, put it in my cage on the bike and have some, but I knew I sucked at reaching down and getting the water so I’m starting to freak out here. I grabbed the bottle from the aid person, pulled my water bottle from the cage, let it drop and then attempted to get the full one into the cage all while pedaling and then getting to the start of the uphill single track and shift down to be able to ride up through the roots. I’m sure it was comical, but somehow I managed to do most of it, but then realized my heart was about to come out of my chest. There was a small back-up of riders going up the single track so I opted to clip out and walk up in order to recover and try and get a handle on my heart rate.

Once back onto the single track it was just getting into the groove and pushing myself enough but not too much. I knew the mud bog was coming up and wondered whether I’d have the ability to ride through it all like I had the first time and once I started through it I realized the answer was going to be no. I went as far as I could – clipped out, jogged with my bike, clipped back in and then rode some more. I heard a woman coming up behind me and it was at that time that my bike slid out from under me while I was trying to ride on the muddy embankment and I fell into the mud. Thank god for soft mud, because it didn’t hurt in the least. She asked whether I was ok, I said yes, hopped back on my bike and kept going.

I worked my way through a few portions of the trail and started to listen to the woman behind me who was talking to a man who was also part of a team and I heard her comment on how they were cutting it close to the cut-off. I started to wonder… We got back to Nightmare on Baldy where she made the same comment to me, asked me if I wanted to lead and set the pace and I said ok and started down the trail. She fell back a bit and I started freaking out about whether I was actually going to make it and how much time I actually had, but even at this moment I wasn’t concerned – because for some reason I thought the second aid station was just a few feet away at the bottom of the single track near Sally Barber Mine. I was very wrong.

I got down to Sally Barber – got back on the single track – pedaled back to the bridge, jumped off went through the alternate route – jumped back on my bike and rode down the single track to the road again. I sped down the mountain as fast as I could, passing people who were on their way up the hill and headed out to French Gulch Road and the right turn to the second aid station.

The woman came up behind me a few minutes later and said something to the effect of, ‘come on lets go you can rest after you hit the cut off’ and then went by me. I sped up and looked to my left where a guy on a motorcycle came over a hill. His motorcycle had a Race Crew sign on it, and he looked at me and made the signal like he was slitting his throat and it was then that I knew something had gone wrong, and I hadn’t made the cut-off.

I rode up to the aid station where the volunteers were telling the woman and the man they hadn’t made it and I was dumbfounded. What do you mean I haven’t made it, I made it to 36.5 miles with 15 minutes to spare, it wasn’t the second aid station, but I still made it. They were both complaining and they told us we could go on if we wanted, but there would be no support, all aid stations were closing. And I sat there, wondering, what the hell was I going to do. I had no water, I was tired, these two people were on their first lap and were going to drop me at some point, if I was the last person to go on I could be out there all by myself. It was at that point that I knew I wasn’t going to continue on. I couldn’t. There were just too many reasons why it wasn't a good idea to keep going.

I asked for my beer and the volunteers were a little confused. I reminded them the website said anyone who didn’t make the cut-off would be sent down the hill with beer in hand. So they handed me a beer, and I asked by how much we had missed the cut-off and they said – two minutes. 120 seconds. Yes, let me say it again, 120 seconds.

Even with the additional mileage I almost made the 50 mile cut-off, but I didn’t. My first DNF. I asked him for another beer, because I wanted a beer for each minute I didn’t make the cut-off and they gave me another and I headed down the hill to Carter Park – along French Gulch Road, and looked down at my Garmin and realized even without making the cut off I was six miles away from riding 50 miles.

I could go into the detail of getting to the park, seeing my sister who didn’t make it either, talking to E and my mom, seeing my sister’s boyfriend after he finished, but I don’t feel like it. I was ok at the end of the race, still trying to process everything – realizing I hadn’t finished, proud that I’d made a grown up and mature decision not to continue and in general being ok with it.

Tuesday was different. Tuesday I felt horrible. Why didn’t I keep going, this was my one and only chance to do this race, what if I am never in this kind of shape again – could I justify trying again next year, it was just too hard on E and Hoyt and the time away from them and I just should have gone. Why didn’t they reiterate the distance was longer, why didn’t I pedal faster, everything one can think of, the injustice of it all. None of that mattered because it didn’t change the fact that I didn’t finish.

It’s now Friday and I’m a bit better about the whole thing. I miss running and missed it while I was riding, and I’m eager to start that again, but there’s still just a teeny bit of wishing. I know I just need a few more days and then it will be really ok, and I’ll run and get back into the swing of things and move forward. If it wasn’t for all those what-ifs..what if’s and the DNF. I’ve never had one before, I don’t like how they feel, and it was only a matter of time before I got one, but it still doesn’t make it feel better.

Firecracker 50 – Part 1

2011-07-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

I’m going to have to write this in two parts because there’s a lot of information and in order not to bore anyone, I’ll break it up and let you come back to Part 2 when you’re ready.

Race Background

The Firecracker 50 is in Breckenridge on the 4th of July every year. It’s a 50 mile mountain bike race on some paved road, dirt road, jeep trail, and singletrack around Breckenridge. There is a 25 mile lap you are required to finish twice. On top of that there is a five hour cut off in the second lap at the second aid station at mile 36.5. In order to get there in that time, you need to be at 7.3mph average over the course. This information is pretty important in establishing a strategy for the race. You have to be able to maintain that pace but not blow up in order to be able to get to the cut-off point in the time allowed.

This race has no ‘beginner’ category. There is a pro, Maverick(for pros who are no longer pros), Cat 1, and Cat 2. For anyone who doesn’t know about the different designations let’s just say that Cat 3 and Cat 4 are typically beginner categories. This is not an easy race, there are people who say it’s more difficult than the Leadville 100. I’ve not done Leadville so I can’t confirm or deny. I’m sure they both suck in their own way.

This year, because of the late snowfall, the course was unrideable early, and in order to allow people to preride what they could – the race directors concocted a course ‘workaround’ and marked that for people to pre-ride. We rode that workaround (myself, E, my sister and her boyfriend) the Monday before the race. In reality the workaround probably allowed us to ride about 50% of the course if that, but regardless I was feeling pretty good about the race.

We were getting weekly updates regarding the course, and during that week there was an email sent that informed the racers there had been a few course changes that had increased the distance of the overall race to 54 miles and they were looking into other areas where they could cut out some of the course in order to get it back to 50 miles. A few days later another email was sent, describing the portions of the course that were cut out, and so my assumption at the time was the course was back down to 50 miles. In the update they mentioned part of the workaround portion was on singletrack that contained a ‘blind bridge’ with no railings and a 10 foot drop off on one side. I do not like bridges with no railings, I especially don’t like the idea of a blind bridge, which means you are riding and for some reason you can’t see it until you are almost on top of it. This made me a bit nervous but they did have a walk around option where you got off your bike and pushed it rather than go on the bridge. (More on this in a bit)

I am including all of this detail about the race, because it’s key to both the race and the final outcome. And because it helps me mentally justify both.

Breckenridge

Myself, E, Hoyt, my sister, her boyfriend and my mom all got up to Breckenridge on Saturday. We rented a condo together and were staying up there for the long weekend. We went for a short ride on Saturday and I was feeling a bit tired and nervous, which started to freak me out a bit but overall I felt good. I get nervous and I know typically how to calm myself down, or when it’s going to be a bad day, and there was none of that going on. Sunday, the day before the race I was pretty adamant about going to the part of the course that contained the bridge in order to see it and know what I was up against, and to decide whether I would attempt to ride it just do the walk around. E, my sister and I headed in that direction, parked a bit away and then walked up part of the course and then on the singletrack to where the bridge was located. It was kind of a hike and E was questioning a bit why I was going to the trouble, but for me I had to see it. When I came up to the bridge I knew right away I would be doing the walk part. It was about three feet long, two feet wide, and created out of either large branches or small tree trunks. The race people had laid chicken wire over it, I’m assuming to make it easier to cross, but they had also laid out three or four large blue blown up mats at the bottom of the 10 foot drop – obviously to help break anyone’s fall if they went over the side. It’s a common concept in mountain biking that if you don’t want to go in a certain direction, you don’t look in that direction – and I knew I’d look straight at those blue pads and more than likely go to those blue pads, so I opted not to try and ride the bridge. The walk option would maybe take 10 seconds longer than riding the bridge.

E and I went out for dinner Sunday night, had carbs and then went back to the condo to hang out with the rest of the family. I went to bed relatively early and noticed my heart rate was significantly higher than normal, and started to get nervous again, but I managed to get it to settle down a bit and fell asleep.

Race Day

We woke up race morning and started getting everything together. We had plenty of time because my sister and I didn’t start until 9:49 and we were a block away from the start so it was a nice leisurely morning. My sister and I had decided that we would stick together as long as she felt she could at the pace I chose and if that wasn’t possible we’d go from there. Picking a strategy for this type of race, is unlike a strategy for a running race. You’ve got significant uphill and significant downhill so mentally I was keeping the 7.3 average in mind, but knew there was downhill where you could make up some time and uphill where you could lose it. I told myself I wouldn’t start out too fast, but I’d watch my heart rate and do what I could to keep it in the 150-160 range for that time, it’s the only strategy I could devise.

We got ready and went down to main street where all the bikers were lined up, the Firecracker 50 is basically the start of their 4th of July parade so its very cool because it makes it seem like everyone is out there to see you start a race, when in reality they’re probably mostly there for the parade.

The groups started going off and in no time we were up at the front and our race had started. The Cat 2 women’s group was significantly smaller this year than I remember it being last year as a spectator, but that was really not a big deal.

The Race – Lap One

The first 7.5 miles of the race are started out through a bit of downtown Breckenridge, up some paved road on Boreas Pass to dirt road up to Bakers Tank. It’s uphill, but it’s fairly gradual so you aren’t in the heart rate red zone immediately if you start out correctly, but it’s also what I think is the most boring part of the race. All I tended to focus on during this portion of the race was how much my butt hurt. It’s amazing that as soon as you hit singletrack you forget about your rear, but when you are on pavement or dirt road, it’s really all you can focus on. My sister and I started out together, but by about mile 3 or 4 she started to drop back. I was hesitant to go without her so early, but we knew this was both of our race, so I kept going. I averaged about an 8mph speed during this part of the race. Once you are about to hit the dirt road portion there is a group of people that every year for the race set up a little jump and give anyone who does it a shot of wild turkey. I skipped the jump on the first lap – Wild Turkey for 50 miles – ugh.

The first aid station is right before you hit singletrack where they give water and anything else – Gu, Clif Bloks, Gatorade, etc. My strategy was to take 3 Bloks every 45 minutes to an hour and to drink water at the aid stations to help not use up my hydration pack faster and I managed to stick to that strategy pretty well.
Before I hit the single track a female came up from behind and passed me so initially I was behind her on the start of the ascent to the single track. She was going a little slower than I liked so I passed her on the right, realized I technically wasn’t on the trail, got back on the trail and looked down at my heart rate which topped out at 180 – oops. I spent the next few minutes on the initial part of the singletrack getting my heart rate to go down. This single track portion is fairly easy, it goes along the contour of the mountain, and has some rooty sections, but isn’t technical at all. During the preride you weren’t allowed to go past a certain point because there were snowdrifts, but for the race they had been cleared and all that was left was a muddy mess. I did my best not to braid the trail and rode through the major portion of the trail, there were a lot of divots and a lot of mud and it was not pretty, but I managed to pass a guy here who couldn’t manage to ride it and kept going. I wouldn’t see him again.

You stay on single track for awhile, there are a few uphill pitches but mostly it’s either level or a bit downhill so you can make up some time or even bank some. I was at an 8.2mph average. You get on a trail called ‘Nightmare on Baldy’ and begin a descent that has four or five switchbacks so you can keep your speed, but it does require some slow down in order to make the switch backs (at least it does for me). You then come out on a rocky descent aimed straight down to the old Sally Barber Mine and the dirt road up to it. You can make up time here as well, but you risk getting a flat tire as well because of the rocky conditions so it’s a give or take. I never got a flat during the race, but I saw plenty who did. It wasn’t until I saw the fourth or fifth person fixing a flat that I remembered I didn’t bring my pump, so I would have been in a world of hurt had I actually gotten one. One thing about this race, and being in the Cat 2 category, everyone is always offering help, or asking whether someone is ok if they’ve wrecked or are off to the side of the trail. You see plenty of this, so there’s plenty of offering going on.

Once you are out onto the Sally Barber Road you make an immediate right onto the single track that contains the blind bridge. This was one of the new workarounds for the race that made it ‘safer’ because in all previous races there was two way traffic on Sally Barber Road and it was a bit dangerous to have racers screaming down the road when there were others trying to get back up on the way back through. I jumped off the bike at the bridge walked it over, jumped back on, finished this portion of the single track, got back to the dirt road and rode down as fast as I could to the bottom where you hit French Gulch Road and turn right to go to Little French Gulch – probably what most consider the worst part of the course. This trail is steep, and rocky, and high and was under a lot of snow so it was wet, and had at least 3 ‘creek crossings’ which were probably more just snow melt, but there was still a lot of snow, so the creeks were there.

This is where I saw the first significant casualty. At the bottom of the trail there was a woman laying on the ground with two men who had what I think was her leg elevated. There were inquiries into her state and whether anyone was coming to help and there was so I continued on. I do remember looking down at her and she was very pretty, and was smiling so I’m thinking she ended up ok. A guy commented out loud something to the effect of, ‘how do you wreck that bad on an uphill’, to which I responded, ‘I don’t know but I’m not going to find out’ and kept pedaling. I managed to ride more of this portion than I thought I would ever be able to ride, and passed a few women and at least three Clydesdales (men who are 200+ lbs) when I did finally have to clip out I tried to maintain a good pace without pushing my heart rate into the red zone, and did pretty well, but walking a bike sucks and I just wanted to be done with that part. I looked up and saw people riding their bikes to the left and hoped it wasn’t a false summit and kept going. This is where the highest part of the race is located, it tops out a little below tree level, you go to the left, pass through one more creek crossing and get back on single track that follows the contour of the mountain. It’s somewhat sketchy because it’s not a wide trail and if you knock a rock or a fallen tree you’re more than likely going to head off down the mountain so you have to pay attention. I was able to make up some speed here after the longest mile of the day – it took me 18 minutes to walk up that portion of the hill. I was also re-passed by some of the Clydesdales as well, they have the luxury of extra weight that propels them down the mountain a bit faster than myself. (well that and a bit more bravery).

After this trail you are on Humbug Hill and go through some singletrack and jeep trail, both uphill and downhill before you shoot back down to French Gulch Road, make a left and ride back up Sally Barber Mine road. This is where I saw the second significant casualty on the trail. A guy, who I remember passing me, was getting up off the ground holding his arm. I slowed down and asked whether he was going to be ok and he responded, ‘I will be’ so I kept going. I remember here thinking I should have turned around and gone back to find someone to help him, and that it was probably bad karma I would pay for later. So I promised myself the next person I saw I’d make sure I helped if I could.

The ride up Sally Barber Mine road is a slog, but not as bad as the ride up Boreas Pass, and much shorter. I was met with the pros here, coming down, well into their second lap and just prayed I wouldn’t have to contend with them on the switch backs back down into Breckenridge.

As those switch backs started I was caught behind a guy who seemed completely out of it who was suffering from cramps and had to keep clipping out of his pedals. He said he was ok, eventually let me pass and I was heading down the hill.

This is Where it Starts to Get Interesting

I remember looking down at my Garmin and seeing mile 24, and thinking that last mile down to the park was going to be pretty steep, but when I saw my Garmin hit mile 25 and then 26 I knew something was amiss. I saw my third casualty here – a guy who had screamed by me and kept screaming by me right off the trail and into the trees. I’m amazed at a person’s ability to just get up dust themselves off and jump on their bike and keep going. That’s what he did, so I’m assuming he was ok, but it didn’t look good.

I rode down the switch backs to Carter Park, saw the guy on the walkie talkie call in my number, looked to my right and saw E, Hoyt and my mom – waved to them and went through what would be the finish line and on to the second lap. My Garmin read 27.X miles – and a feeling of dread started entering my mind.

And I’ll stop there – let everyone digest and post Part 2 later…..

Mt. Evans Ascent

2011-06-20T08:36:00.000-07:00

For those of you that want to know the basics here they are – because there’s going to be a lot of detail in this report and it might put you to sleep:
3:06:35 net time 12:53 pace
125th overall out of 355
25th out of 117 women
6th out of 21 in the 35-39 age range

Now on to the gory details….
First – The week the race capped they sent out a participant list and in true fashion I looked up every single woman in my age group and their race results on Athlinks and immediately thought to myself, “I’m in over my head.” This is not a race you enter into lightly I guess, but six plus months ago, I think E and I did, thinking it would be ‘fun’. The women in my age group and their race results were impressive – extremely so, and I just hoped I was going to finish.

For those of you that don’t know – Mt Evans is the highest road in North America, and this race is the highest road race. You start at 10,000 feet and work your way up to the top of Mt Evans (or where the road ends) at 14,115 feet. There’s a cut off at the Summit Lake point of 9.5ish miles of 2:30 hours and you have to finish the rest of the course in 2 hours. The race length is about 14.5 miles.

Race Morning
My parents were in town for Father’s Day and were watching Hoyt, E opted not to do the race because of a potential Achilles injury, and running uphill does nothing to help that type of injury. So I was on my own. We got up at 5am and drove to Mt Evans, it was cold, and windy, another race in the wind.
We parked and took the shuttle to the packet pick up – there’s limited parking in the park area so we parked in a campground area nearby. Originally I had thought I was going to wear shorts, but opted that morning to wear tights. I also had on a tank top and a long sleeve merino wool shirt. We were directed to bring a jacket in case of rain or snow so I had that, and I also had sweats and a sweatshirt to bring to the top of the mountain. I put on the sweatshirt with the intent of taking off the sweatshirt once the race started. Let’s just say that sweatshirt – in all its cotton glory – never came off. I also had throw away gloves that were never removed. We got our packets, and the wind was picking up, so I put on my jacket as well. The race was getting close to starting so E left and lined up with the rest of the racers and waited – as the snow started falling, and the grey clouds started rolling. E was going to drive up to the Summit Lake stop where I told him depending on how I felt and the weather, I might call it a day.
I had no strategy for this race, no idea what to attempt, no idea how to start out – E said find a pace that feels good and stick with it. So when they said go, that’s what I did.

Mile 1 – 10684ft – 11004ft 11:36 pace
The first mile you are in the trees, and the route was protected from the wind – it was pretty warm relatively speaking and this pace seemed easy to me, something I might be able to maintain for the duration of the race. You notice very quickly, the people who aren’t used to the elevation – I saw more than one person get to the side of the road even in the first mile. I probably started out too far in the front, because there was a feeling of a lot of people passing me in the first mile. It eventually settled, and we were on our way.

Mile 2 – 11004ft – 11273ft 11:27 pace
We’re still in the trees and I think it’s this mile that I took off my jacket, but opted to leave my sweatshirt on and see how it went. I’m still feeling ok here.

Mile 3 – 11273ft – 11604ft 12:10 pace
Mile three you start getting out of the protected area – you’re still in the trees somewhat, but they are thinner and here’s where you start feeling the wind. I had hoped to be able to run or trot at least the first nine miles, but getting blasted in the face with the wind you realize you’re wasting more energy trying to run, so I walked at one point, when the wind got really bad.

Mile 4 – 11604ft – 11907ft 14:19
And then there was the wind. It was cold, and windy and windy and did I mention there was wind? This mile sucked. I have trained in more wind this year than anything else, I’ve put up with it during many races, and here it was again, giggling at me making me stand in place. I just kept saying to myself, ‘relentless forward motion’. Ironically enough I’m passing people – if the wind would let up I’d try and jog, if it gusted I’d go back to a walk – and this was the routine for the majority of the race.

Mile 5 11907ft – 12192ft – 12:03
This is one of the ‘flatter’ miles so I managed to speed up a bit, but the wind was still relentless. There are much more experienced wind runners than me and you would see them trying to draft off others, or when the wind was too strong they were walking, with their hands clasped behind their back, and I thought to myself at one point, ‘what is this to them, a pondering walk?’ I didn’t attempt this position until about mile 12 when I realized it’s probably the best stance to be in when you are walking against the wind.

Mile 6 12192ft – 12448ft – 13:00
I’m still managing to pass people here – I don’t believe I was ever passed by a woman that I didn’t repass and then stay that way from this mile on. The wind was still horrendous, but sometimes you got lucky enough that the switchback would turn and you had a tailwind, and I’d take advantage of it by running as fast as I could while it was there. I think it was this mile that a woman looked at me when I was passing her and said, ‘nice tailwind’, but it was only a few more feet until we were on the other side of the switchback getting hit with the headwind again. I want to say it’s here that I began trading positions with a man who had to be the most efficient walker I’ve ever encountered. He wasn’t lithe, wasn’t a race walker, he himself was wearing a hoodie and a knee brace, and even though I would run at different places, a mile or half mile later he’d be right there coming up behind me and passing me during the worst of the wind. I don’t know if I ever saw him run, if he did it was while he was behind me, but we were in each others sights for the rest of the race. He was not willing to let anyone draft off him either, because I watched many try, but he’d zig zag back and forth until they’d move on. I even tried it, I even tried drafting off a guy who was trying to draft off him, but eventually you just have to give up.

Mile 7 12448ft – 12616ft 11:34 pace
I think I got a bit more of a tailwind this mile because I was able to pick it up. I had started ignoring the miles here and just looking at the elevation subtracting where I was from 14000 ft. It made it seem more doable than knowing I was only halfway done. My hands are cold, and I fumbled for some clif bloks and managed to eat three of them and continue on. Summit Lake was only two miles away and there’s even about a half mile of downhill to the lake, so I just concentrated on getting there. The switchbacks will fool you, regardless of whether you know how far you’ve gone or not, you do continue to think it’s got to be at the next switchback, but it wasn’t.

Mile 8 12616ft – 12850ft – 14:30 pace
And there’s the wind again. It’s extremely frustrating to walk in a race regardless of the fact that many things are out of your control and the best strategy is to walk in order to save yourself. I just wanted to run, I just wanted to be done, but you put head down and you go forward and you cuss under your breath when white hoodie guy passes you and won’t let you draft.

Mile 9 12850ft – 12846 10:34
And there it was, the wonderful wonderful half mile of downhill, and I booked it as fast as I could, passed white hoodie guy and made my way to Summit Lake. I figured I’d just keep going, but I wanted another pair of gloves from E, and I just wanted to see him and wave to someone that I knew, because there are spectators driving on the other side of the road and then stopping and cheering, but there’s nothing like seeing someone you know and love – looking at you feeling your pain. I looked around and couldn’t find him – I saw what I thought was the truck but my vision has gotten so bad I couldn’t see the license plate and then thought maybe he’s standing up ahead further so I kept going, I never did see him, and there was a part of me that started to worry something had happened to Hoyt and he had to rush down the mountain, I also thought maybe he took a cat nap, or was really into his book, or maybe he didn’t expect I was going to get to Summit Lake so quickly, or maybe he was at the top because there was no parking, but I didn’t see him, so I had no choice to keep going. At the end of the race he would tell me that he was there on the side of the road looking for me as well, but didn’t see me, when the cut off time came and he still hadn’t seen me he drove down the road two miles to see if I had gotten hurt but still didn’t find me. I don’t know how we missed each other, but we did.

Mile 10 12846ft – 13068ft 12:07 pace
The switchbacks start getting tougher here – this part wasn’t open when E and I drove it two weekends prior, the snow banks had to be twice the height of me and you aren’t protected by anything here. But I’d chosen to keep going and there was no stopping at this point. I do have to say, that the race had roving vans driving up and down for anyone who decided to call it at any point, and every time I saw that van I pondered, but I kept going.

Mile 11 13068ft – 13236ft – 13:07 pace
God this suuuuucks. The wind is so horrible, and the rare tailwind wasn’t enough to get anyone’s hopes up, and looking up and seeing the switchbacks and the little people marching towards the top was not helpful and I kept telling myself to quit looking up, but you just want to see the finish, anything. I was telling myself only 700 or so feet to go, but its still 3.5 miles in my head, and the elevation trick was no longer working. I had started the ‘one hundred steps’ game – where I would jog 100 steps and if it felt good I’d keep going, but it didn’t feel good and sometimes I’d stop at 30 or 50. I think it was at this mile where I thought I should have worn my heart rate monitor, because I ventured a guess that it was probably nowhere near anything taxing. The wind was so bad, you couldn’t jog and I never felt out of breath, I was managing the elevation pretty well, but god the wind.

Mile 12 13236ft – 13495ft – 14:13 pace
Did I mention the wind? I’m managing to pass people still, there are no women that I can see, it’s just men and me, and that damn white hoodie guy, god how is he walking that fast? So frustrating. I pass a guy here who looks over at me – sweating, god only knows how it was so cold and windy, and says ‘only two more miles to go’ and kind of smiles I think, but then starts mumbling something about biking and wouldn’t try it, and I thought to myself, ‘dude, you better hurry up and finish, because you are not making sense’. I smiled and pushed forward, thinking – it’s two and half more miles to go, stupid half mile.

Mile 13 13495ft – 13792ft 15:52 pace
Are you kidding me? Stupid stupid stupid wind. I’m so ready to be done, my right leg had started cramping on the outside of my shin because of the camber of the road, I had to walk pigeon-toed to get it to stop. It was windy, I could see more switchbacks and that damn white hoodie guy, I don’t want to play leap frog with you anymore.

Mile 14 13792ft – 14018ft 15:25 pace
Oh thank you, the last mile – my left leg has started cramping, I can’t drink because every time I do I suck too much in and cough, and that hurts. My face feels frozen and I’ve spit on myself at least three times – oh and the wind gusted so bad it blew off my visor, and then a guy comes down and says – ‘you’re almost there, just one more turn.’ And I thought to myself, if you are lying I will kill you, I swear I will kill you, because you look up and you see people on more switchbacks, but I realized its people who have finished the race, who are walking to the very tippy top – and all I wanted was to get in the truck and defrost my hands and my face.

Last .33 – 14018ft – 14148ft – 14:23 pace
That was my sprint finish. I did pass white hoodie guy further back, but was surprised to see the finish was two cones and a timing mat. Don’t I get a crown, or a mountain goat or even a marmot? She handed me a medal and water and I moved through, searching through the parked cars looking for E. Nowhere. I turned around and a guy walked up to me holding my visor, and I almost started crying, who does that? So so nice of him. It’s cold, and I want to be done, and I’m at 14000 feet and that high elevation crazy, I could feel it coming on. I whispered to myself, ‘panic attack’, and for some reason I was able to get a hold of myself just by the mention of what was about to happen. I looked over and saw E driving up through the lot and I got over to the passenger side and got in the truck and sat down and was immediately blessed with the worst left and right arch cramps I’ve ever had. I’m sure it resembled something of an epileptic seizure because I was trying to press my feet against the floor board and arching my back all the while trying to communicate with E as to what was happening. Trying to get to my clif bloks, trying to get to the water, trying to remember the word electrolyte. He asked if I finished, and I said yes. He pulled the truck over and got my shoe off, and it relieved it somewhat. I know I should have walked around or stood up, or something, but all I wanted was the heat, and to sit down, and to realize, the odds were really really good I would never step foot on this mountain again, much less attempt this race.

The cramps went away eventually and we drove down the mountain, and E and I talked about how we missed each other at Summit Lake and he said I did really well, and how he heard someone from the race say this was probably the second most brutal conditions they’d seen during the time they’d done this race. No kidding. I’ve worked on training in the ‘elements’, wind, cold, heat to just toughen myself up for anything. I cannot believe I finished this race. I can’t believe I didn’t flag down a van, I can’t believe I got 6th place in my age group.

It’s Monday, and I still feel a little shell shocked from the experience. I took a camera with me, to take pictures, but couldn’t manage to unzip the pocket my hands were so cold. The views are incredible, and scary and would help to put into context this entire situation, at least to a point. I know there are people that do this race year after year, but I told E they had to have had a good experience early on to keep doing it, this being the first time I’d ever done it and being hit with the wind they way I was, it makes it impossible to ever look at doing it again without sheer fear overcoming my ability to hit the ‘Register’ button. The elevation, save for the finish line and not seeing E, never really bothered me, that I could tell. Perhaps if I was able to jog it more I would have experienced being out of breath or maybe lightheaded or something, but I felt pretty good about that part. I think I’d do ok managing it. I would have loved to go sub 3 – and I do remember thinking that a few times. I got pretty close, but didn’t quite get it.

It takes a special kind of crazy to do that race year after year. I’m not there. I hope it helps with the Firecracker 50, which is now two weeks away (gulp), if anything its helped me recognize anything’s possible, and most anything can be overcome – all you need is the will and some guy in a white hoodie who continues to pass you no matter what you do….

Noodling

2011-06-16T13:47:00.000-07:00

Things have been pretty silent over in blog world for the past couple of weeks – in between training for the Mt Evans Ascent, the Firecracker 50 and life – I haven’t really written anything down. Mt. Evans is in two days and I do believe I am officially freaking out about it and ‘running’ for four hours uphill doesn’t exactly sound like an inviting way to spend a Saturday, but it will be a challenge and who’s not up for a challenge?

Yesterday on my way to ride with my sister I looked at the car clock and realized the Firecracker is less than three weeks away and that started to make me sweat as well. I think the running has helped with the biking and they’ll both end up assisting in either race, but it takes a lot to keep things organized and try and keep some sort of schedule. I didn’t train as well as I should have for the Firecracker, but at this point its water under the bridge.

Both of these races present me with a real possibility of my first DNF, because they both have cut-offs. It’s not something I really want to experience, but reality is a little darker than my imagination. I’ll do what I can to finish both of them, but I think that’s going to be a lot of digging deep and staying out of my head.
Even loosely training for two things feels like a really strict regimen, and it’s taking away from being with E and Hoyt even though I do as much as I can while I’m at work or some time during the weekend. Sometimes I feel like a bad mother, selfish, like I’ve not kept focus on the two men in my life and all relationships will suffer for it. Running clears my head, biking is something I did in replace of running when I was injured – and all of the sudden I have the opportunity to do both, but its time consuming.

I know the release I get doing either probably helps with my sanity level, but the guilt of doing either, kind of makes it a catch 22. I know there are people out there that manage much more than I do, I guess they probably do better than ‘manage’. It’s all new to me though, I haven’t figured it out yet.

E’s been so great with accommodating everything, I don’t even know how else to say it. I don’t know how parenting gets done with just one person. I don’t know how anything gets done with just one person. He’s two people – I’m seriously lacking in my ‘peopleness’ as of late.

Just get me to July 5th – that’s all – standing on my own two feet with either attempts or successes under my belt, but get me there – in one piece.

10 at 9.1K

2011-06-02T12:07:00.000-07:00

Over Memorial Day weekend E and I decided it would be a good idea to run at 10,000 feet to get a feel for how at least the first piece of the Mt. Evans Ascent is going to be, so we drove up to Frisco to run around Dillon Reservoir. We live at 8500 feet and run at that elevation, but we do tend to go down to the 5600-6000 feet as well depending on what we are running.

E was riding the bike and pulling Hoyt and I was running and the goal was to do ten miles and see how it felt. We parked at Dillon Reservoir and headed out. I was surprised that I was forcing myself to slow down, reminding myself I had ten miles and I was going to bonk badly if I didn’t, but my miles clicked off in the 9:10-9:20 range. We were doing an out and back and even with the rolling uphill I felt good. ‘Wow’ I thought, ‘Mt Evans might not be so bad’. Wait for it, just wait for it.

I get to the five mile turn around point and BLAM – apparently, I was running in a tail wind. Awesome. The run back wasn’t quite as nice as the run out – the wind picked up, it started to snow, and the effort was a bit more although I still managed to stay at the same pace. I was still feeling pretty good about the whole thing. Even with a headwind, 10k feet was not such a big deal. E passed me and Hoyt was crying so I sped up as much as possible to get back to the truck as fast as I could. Ten miles at 10k in a 9:15 pace. Sweet.

Or maybe not…..

We got in the truck and were driving out and that’s when I saw it. The Dillon Reservoir sign, with the elevation listed – 9097 feet. Seriously, 9097 feet? No wonder it didn’t feel any different. We drove an hour plus to run at 600 feet higher than we live. Maybe I should look at a map more often. Either way, 600 feet is 600 feet but it wasn’t uphill and it wasn’t 10k-14k feet, so I don’t know if it helped much.

On the way home we decided to drive up Mt. Evans Road, which is still only open part way because the late snow has really stuck, and I do wish I would have brought a camera, because in the first mile I looked at E and said, ‘whose idea was this?’. That mountain and that road are intimidating, and the views – no matter how beautiful (I will take pictures during the race) make you realize very quickly what you’ve signed up for, and it’s not pretty. I mean it’s very pretty, but running it – well we’ll see on June 18th…

Buffalo Creek Trail Run

2011-05-25T08:38:00.001-07:00

Ooofta - that's all I really can say about this one. That or running uphill is damn hard. I chose this race as a training run for the Mt Evans Ascent and mind you the grade of the beginning of this race is 8-10% so its much steeper than any part of Mt Evans, but it's also only 4.4 miles of uphill rather than 14. They did a 'handicap' start - they say it resembles Dipsea so it was kind of weird, but whatever.

I was in the last group of females to start - 19-39 was the age group, which meant there wasn't much concern about being passed because all of the fast females were in my group and were gone before I even got to the stairs - yes there were stairs, allllll the way up to a lookout and then the really 'fun' stuff started. We took off 17 minutes behind the first person - a 73 year old guy - and typical behavior I looked down and was going way too fast. I told myself I was going to be forced to slow down regardless so who cares and kept going. You get about a half mile of somewhat flat before you start going uphill and then hit the stairs.

First mile 9:30 - oh yes I slowed wayyy down.

The second mile mostly all stairs - and really bad stairs for someone with no legs because they were too far apart to go two at a time and two close together to take one at a time so it was not fun. I passed a few females here and one guy that resembles Forrest Gump when he was running and running (insert voice impression here)

Second mile 12:53 and its getting warm

The third mile all I kept thinking was 'why am I doing this, why am I here, this really sucks, it's hot - there's another girl I can pass, when do we get to the downhill. I passed two more girls here and kept moving.

Third mile - 13:16 - yeah, not fun.

It flattened out a bit here and I managed to pass another woman, its still somewhat slow going, but enough flat to be able to jog - I kept telling myself to run for 100 steps and then walk and if I still felt ok after the 100 to keep going. I believe it was this mile that I got passed by the eventual first second and third place men - they started 6, 7, and 8 minutes after me - animals I tell you...

Fourth Mile - 10:28 - god when does the downhill start.

The fifth mile was a bit rolling - I think I passed one other woman here and looked back a few times to see where she was, I had dropped her for the most part. I did keep getting passed by men and tried to stay with them, but that was no easy feat. We were also in familiar territory at this point because I've ridden this portion of the trail with my sister on our bikes so I knew when the downhill was about to hit. I pass the one aid station and she did the typical 'all downhill from here', and yes, it was, very very downhill.

Fifth Mile - 11:01

The downhill was no joke - I had one less mile to get back to the start so there was some distance to make up. I let gravity take me and just concentrated on where my feet were falling. I haven't run much trail downhill at all really so I was employing the 10-40 rule of mountain biking - look ten feet then 40 feet in front of you to pick your line. That seemed to work wonders for the entire duration.

Sixth Mile - 8:04

Ok my quads hurt - damn downhill is not forgiving on your quads, shins, everything, but I just kept going - got passed by another guy here and up ahead I can see a girl - my rabbit.

Seventh Mile - 7:21 - I don't think I've ever recorded a 7:21 mile before.

I'm closer to the girl and saying to myself 'come here you wasscally wabbit' and then I was behind her and passed her - and I must have pissed her off because she hung on to me like a bad lint ball. We got to the last piece of the downhill and a woman was there saying 'go girls you're almost there'. We hit the level portion and it was like someone hit me with a skillet. My legs were unwilling to move - that downhill really didn't do much for me. The girl passed me again and I tried to keep up with her, but there was no way - I felt like I was running through mud. I did however pass the 73 year old man at this point and thought - well at least I caught up to him.

Last .8 portion - 7:53.

I finished in 1:18:55 - a 10 minute mile pace. They had asked you to predict your finish time and i said 1:15 so I was pretty close - I think that's why I took the downhill as hard as I did because I knew I wanted to come within that range. My prediction had nothing to do with anything though, so I don't know why I clung to it. I ended up 12 female out of 30 something, with the staggered start. I was 10th female overall by running time - so I guess not bad, but it's pretty mediocre really.

I looked at E when I was done and said 'I don't think I want to do Mt. Evans'. I will of course - but uphill sucks, and take into consideration its at 10-11k feet and ugh, really? I'm aiming to finish it in under the time it took to finish the marathon and that was double the length this race is - who does that? Me, apparently, that's who...

As for mountain bike training - it's going, I'm not as dedicated as I need to be - only five hours on the bike last week, but I'm hoping I can pull it together for the next six weeks and get some more time in. I really have to if I have any hope in finishing the Firecracker.

Sequence of Events

2011-05-16T06:40:00.000-07:00

I'm doing this trail race this weekend:

And maybe this:

In order to prepare for this:

That will eventually lead to this mountain bike race:

All so I can try and finish this:

I believe it's going to be a full summer....

Battle the Bear

2011-05-09T14:34:00.001-07:00

Since my 'running season' is over for the most part (minus the Mt Evans Ascent in June)and the Firecracker 50 mountain bike race is steadily approaching I've started to focus on getting my bike legs in shape. This weekend was the Frontrange 60 and Battle the Bear mountain bike race in a park nearby. My sister was doing the 60 miler and originally my intent was to do the 'half marathon' or the 30 miler, but I didn't know where my legs would be a week after the marathon.
Wednesday we prerode the course - a loop of 10 miles - twice and I knew there was just no way I was going to be able to hold it together for three laps. It seemed a bit ambitious, so I decided to go down to the Battle the Bear race, which was only one lap and completely doable that close out from the marathon and it was also considered the beginner race, which I consider myself, being that I haven't been on a bike in a year and that was hit or miss since Hoyt was just a newborn. It was also going to be really hot, and the course has little to no shade, and I was not going to push it.

Saturday we got to the race at noon - and it was already hot and a bit windy. My sister and her boyfriend had started at 8am so they were four hours into the race. I saw my sister on one of her laps, and yelled for her, she looked a bit tired and I wondered whether the heat had started to get to her. By the time my race was about to start we saw her boyfriend finish, but she was still out on the course.

Not to overstate the obvious, but racing on a mountain bike is so much different than running one. Obviously you're responsible for this piece of equipment and there's a bit of skill to it (although this course was fairly straightforward), but that piece of information was causing me to be a lot more nervous than I think I've ever been running a race. I mean you can really get injured on a bike - and take someone else out in the process, and while all of that is possible running a race as well, I think it's a bit more extreme for mountain biking. I found myself standing there waiting for them to call up my heat, and thinking 'why do I do this? I do not like racing bikes by myself,' but I lined up along with the rest of them and we were off.

I had gotten my bike tuned the week of the marathon and had ridden it with my sister once, but I don't think at any time I had put any stress on it, so when my chain came off at the first uphill, I really just had to laugh and hop off. I got it back on and then I got back on and I was off again. I'd been passed by a few riders, but the adrenaline was going so I managed to pass quite a few of them on the uphill.

Apparently in biking, as in running, I'm notorious for starting out way too fast and causing myself a lot of pain later on, so when we crested the hill my lungs were burning - we had some flat area so I used that to try and get my breath back knowing one of the bigger and longer hills of the race was coming up. I looked ahead and realized I wasn't going to have to worry about going up the hill too fast because there was a bottleneck starting as everyone was catching up to everyone - when I got to the hill I just stayed behind the person in front of me and pedaled to the top. In reality I think that works to my advantage because I don't wear myself out - so by the time we got to the top I was a bit 'rested' and relaxed on the downhill.

You're constantly trying to pass on the singletrack and this course is known for goatheads so I was pretty cautious - I did not want to hike a bike back to the start because if there's one thing I can't do - it's change a tire. I was behind a girl for awhile who was 29 (they put your age and your race on your calf) and she was going a comfortable speed so I just hung with her. We had worked our way around to the longest uphill part of the race and she was just starting up when her chain fell off - I was so close behind her I had to clip out and then couldn't get started quick enough so I was passed by a few others. I did finally get back on and going and managed to re-pass a few of them, I didn't want to get behind a lot of people on this part - it's a long uphill with one switchback and another sort of switchback and I haven't been riding so the idea of having anyone close in front or behind me was making me nervous. I looked back and there was no one close behind me so I relaxed and managed to get through the switchback successfully.

I was riding steadily and managed to catch the person in front of me (70 year old man, same race) and he was behind a girl (35, my race) and there was no way to pass unless you're pretty brave, which I am not so I just hung behind the two of them and pedaled away. Another woman caught up to me at this point and we started 'chatting' about how hot it was, because it was, and it was pretty comical and a welcome relief because for some reason it helped me not focus on how hot it was and the fact that I hadn't drank any water, because I can't grab the water bottle and go currently, because that's definitely something I haven't practiced. I did think at this point if we are carrying on a conversation we probably aren't going as fast as we could be, but there was no way I was heading off the edge side of the hill and risking tumbling into the bushes, no way.

Once we hit the top of the hill it was just as much downhill, which I tend to find to be pretty fun - some guy who I figure was probably already in lap two of his race came screaming by and that's always a bit intimidating, there are a lot of people who have a lot of confidence on a mountain bike. I'm still behind the 70 year old and he's still behind the other girl and we hit a nice flat part and I just let the momentum carry me. I sat behind the two of them for awhile longer - I really was ready to be done, and didn't have a desire to attempt to pass, but I finally decided the faster I did, the faster I'd be done so I passed the two of them and took off as quick as I could. My garmin was registering 8.5 miles, so I knew we were almost done.

I was pretty much by myself for a good portion of it - I didn't hear the two I'd passed behind me or the lady I was talking to during the uphill and I finally spotted another woman in front of me so I tried to catch up to her. I kept myself in check because I knew we had one more hill 'Heartbreak Hill' they call it and it sucks. I got into granny gear when I got to the foot of it and just tried to keep myself from puking - I looked behind me and could see the woman I was chatting with, but I didn't figure she would pass me, unless she had some awesome kick on an uphill. I thought when I reached the crest I could try and sprint in the last 50 yards to the finish, but there was no way. I saw E at the line and said 'this is my sprint finish' and went through.

I thanked the woman I chatted with on the hill for distracting me and then the girl whose chain came off apologized and we both just laughed it off when we found out both of our chains had come off at the start of the race as well. For how ever intimidating the races seem in the beginning, I do have to say, everyone is really really friendly (at least in the beginner category).

We left pretty quickly after that, and I found out when I got home I had gotten 3rd in my age group, which is a bit comical, but it does feel good to place in things like that. In no way do I have the endurance for a 50 miler right now, especially at 10000 feet with a lot more uphill and technical and all the other scary stuff people keep telling me - so I'm going to have to do my best to focus on getting as prepared as possible for the Firecracker 50. Let's just say I'm pretty freaking nervous about that one.

So nervous I won't even get into the Mt. Evans Ascent....

The Colorado Marathon

2011-05-03T08:29:00.000-07:00

Sunday was the marathon – and I have to say the only way it could have gone any better is if it would have been a Boston Qualifying time. It wasn’t – not even close – about 15 minutes off, but I ran the smartest race I’ve run (except perhaps the 5k) and I think when it comes down to future races, since I’ve been able to get that right a few times, getting it right again should be easier. For those who don’t want to read the details – I finished in 4:00:51, a 9:11 pace. I was 23rd in my age group. Had I had a watch the last six miles I would like to think I could have pushed it to get a sub 4, but I’ll never know. (More on the watch later.)

Pre-Race
Wednesday before the race I got really sick, really sick. Let’s just say I lost a total of two pounds that day. I have no idea what was going on, and Thursday I was much better, but I was concerned because I knew I was dehydrated and I didn’t know whether it was going to hurt my marathon. E said if I wasn’t better I needed to reevaluate even doing the marathon. It turned out ok and I spent Friday and Saturday trying to hydrate and put back the two pounds that I’d lost.

We drove up to Fort Collins Saturday afternoon, picked up the packet and then went and had pizza for lunch – I was definitely carbo loading this day because later we had spaghetti for dinner. I don’t know how many calories I ate on Saturday but there was no way I went into the marathon with a calorie deficit. The weather was predicted as a high of 40, so E and I talked about what I was going to wear. I ended up with compression tights and two merino wool shirts. They are thin enough that I wouldn’t get really hot, but warm enough for the start. We did discuss the possibility of me having to toss one if it did get warmer than predicted (and it did), and the thought made me sick because they aren’t cheap shirts and they have a lot of sentimental value, but I was banking on the weather people having it right (they didn’t – go figure) so I went with it.

We put Hoyt down and then went to bed around nine. I had to catch the bus up to the start at 4:15 so it wasn’t going to be a lot of sleep, but I could not for the life of me fall asleep. I think I got two maybe three hours sleep Saturday night. When the alarm went off I was already up.

I ate half a bagel with peanut butter and had a bit of coffee and then we packed up and went to the buses. It wasn’t as cold as I thought it was going to be, but it was still a bit cold. I noticed my Garmin wasn’t shutting off and was losing power at an alarming rate and couldn’t get it to work so I had a feeling I was going to be running without a watch at some point. I just told myself I had to be ok with it. I ate the other half of my bagel on the ride up to the start and just tried to relax and listened to the conversations going on around me. I was nervous about this race, but not overly so – I think mentally I had reached a place of acceptance about the whole thing and just wanted to do it and not kill myself.

I got off the bus, got in line for the porta potties and then sat around and waited for the race to start. They called us to the starting line – a trumpet played the national anthem and then we were off. The first mile happened so quickly mentally and I was concentrating on slowing myself down and keeping the miles at a 9 minute pace. I noticed my breathing wasn’t labored at all during the majority of the marathon so I knew I was running well. I’d relay the pace for the miles, but I’m writing this without the Garmin in front of me right now. They were all within five seconds of each other either under 9 minutes or a few seconds above. At mile 2 I realized I had to go to the bathroom and kept telling myself I’d stop at the next group of porta potties, but each time there was a line and I didn’t want to sacrifice the time so I just kept on running. I managed to hold it for 24.2 miles. Amazing.

The miles just kept ticking down and I was amazingly calm – I watched people, kept an eye on people I seemed to be running ‘with’ or a little slower than. I rarely got passed throughout these miles, and I think eventually I ended up passing most of the people who were in front of me for the majority of the race. When we got out of the canyon, spectators started showing up. It was nice to see people and have them randomly cheering for you and I was glad to have a bit of change in the terrain rather than downhill because my quads were starting to get tired.

Around mile 19 or 20 it got hot, and I knew I was going to have to sacrifice one of my shirts. I started to pull it off and a random guy came up to me and asked whether I wanted him to hold my handheld while I took off my shirt. He mentioned he had been following me since mile 3, so I thanked him, removed my shirt, repinned my bib and took back my water bottle. He asked me what pace we were running and I told him 9 minute miles and I asked him his goal. He said, ‘I want to beat Oprah, and I think the rate we are running I have it in the bag.’ We continued to run and he would move ahead of me and then I would pass him and we traded spots for a few miles.

And then it happened. My Garmin beeped at me – low battery. I was then at mile 20 and thought crap crap crap. It died at 20.52 miles – now I was really on my own. The guy that held my water bottle was in front of me at and I thought – ok I’m just going to stick with him. He didn’t have a watch but I noticed he was running very steady, so I thought it was the best option. Miles tend to go by a bit slower when you don’t know when the marker is about to show up, but they kept ticking down. I was getting tired and just dug deep to keep going. Every now and then a negative thought would creep in my head and I’d shoo it away.

We ran over a somewhat long bridge and I passed a very heavily bearded guy who said ‘you look great’ and I thought, well I don’t feel horrible, but I don’t feel like a million bucks either. I kept telling myself that at 23 miles I’d pick it up and pretend I was running a 5k, but 23 and 24 came by and I kept moving forward without any sort of noticeable speed change. Mile 25 was upon me and I decided to try and pick it up, and honestly it was a welcome change of muscle energy to run a bit faster, but I was tired, and ready to be done. My feet had acquired blisters from quite a few miles back and I knew I was going to be faced with some horrible blisters at the end. We were in town by now and there were more people cheering, and then I kept hearing – it’s just around the corner and I thought, ‘this is what my parents always told me on our road trips and if you people are lying to me I’m going to come back and find you.’ It felt like they might be telling the truth but I had no idea where the mile markers were.

I rounded the corner and there it was – Fort Collins – thank you, thank you, thank you. I heard my sister’s boyfriend yell at me and tell me I was almost there. I picked it up and could pick out the finish line sign (seriously I need glasses). I kept picking it up and passed a few more people and then I heard E on the side yelling my name, and I picked it up a bit more and then I heard my sister in law and picked it up a bit more. The announcer yelled my name and I pumped my fists in the air and crossed the finish line, knowing I’d just run a really smart race, a good race, and I’d hydrated and fueled well and ran to my capabilities and knocked at least 12 minutes off my current PR. It’s not a BQ, and it wasn’t a sub 4, and I do truly think had my Garmin not crapped out on me I could have gone sub 4 – at least 3:59:59, but whatever. It felt great. I had figured out how to recognize my fitness and run to it, and at no time did I beat myself up or give up or think – I don’t ever want to run again.

It was awesome, and I still feel good about it, and I can’t wait to see what I can do with some speed training and a larger base. I do think I’ll qualify for Boston at some point – maybe the next marathon, maybe the next two – but I’m even more happy that I can say I’m starting to run smartly, because that was eluding me up until this point, and if I can’t run that way – it was just going to be a lot of races that hurt and had the potential to be disappointing – and I run because I love to run and I love how it feels and I never want to get back to the place where it’s a source of frustration for me, because then it just becomes something I do, for a reason I can’t quantify, rather than something I love.

Happy 1st Birthday Hoyt

2011-04-28T17:03:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of a printout of a picture daycare took of Hoyt yesterday, but it's cute so I thought I'd post it. All three of us spent all day together, we went to a petting farm and just had a good day.

I can't believe he's been here a year, and it's been a great one. He's added so much to our lives (and taken away some sleep time too) but it's all good. Here's to 90 more!

My First Podium

2011-04-18T18:12:00.000-07:00

I’m having a hard time typing this one up for some reason – perhaps it’s because of the sheer absurdity of the result, or because it’s one of those things I never really expected to ever happen – but maybe that’s the advantage of smaller races – either way here goes:

I’m technically two weeks out from my marathon, and because of the poor showing for the half and the crappy 22 miler – I really wanted to do any race that might help me figure out where I am in regards to fitness. I came across a 5k on the 16th, the Eagle Heart 5k – it was in Longmont which is quite a drive from where we are but it was a flat out and back and looked like just what I needed, so E and I signed up. E was going to push Hoyt in the bob and my hope was to just do well enough that I wouldn’t sink further into the depths of despair about the marathon.

E has been on me recently regarding my slight addiction to the Garmin and believes it’s doing a great disservice to my running because I pay more attention to it and how I think I should feel according to what it’s telling me instead of listening to my body. For example I have had difficulty getting into the 7 minute pace range because when I see a 7 I think I automatically think it should hurt so I slow down. So I decided to leave the garmin in the car and run without it, and try to figure out how I felt instead.

On the drive there I began to realize how silly it was that we were driving an hour plus to run for less than 30 minutes but what’s done is done. I had a feeling the race was going to be pretty small, but it was REALLY small. When I looked up the results the total number of runners was 38 – so yeah, really small.

E suggested that I warm up, something I hardly ever do, so I did, and in the meantime scoped out what I thought would be my competition. I spotted a girl in a bright pink shirt rolling out her legs with a stick and she looked pretty strong so I figured she would be my competition. I really had no idea how to approach the race without a garmin so I was pretty nervous. It got close to the start and we lined up with the rest of the group – E was a bit behind me, but I did my best not to line up in front. Obviously with only 38 people you’re either in the front or in the back. The guy said go and we were off.

Let me see if I can break this race down by experience rather than pace and miles. Because I didn’t have a watch, the only thing I could really do is listen to my body and watch the people in front of me. There were a few kids that I figured I should pass – can’t get beat by the younger generation, it’s a personal rule of mine. I had no idea how fast I was going – it felt ok, not too fast not too slow. I then focused on the next person – a woman – in front of me and decided I’d run with her a bit to see where she was. I caught up to her and realized she had a really bad VPL and no ‘elite’ runner would have a VPL so I had to pass her.

The next person was a guy in a red shirt. He seemed to be going at a good clip and I was running with him for awhile – I didn’t want to pass him because I was concerned about what kind of effort I was giving, I mean it didn’t feel overly hard but in order to pass him and stay ahead of him I’d have to speed up at least a little, so I hung behind him. We went down a small hill and I took the chance to catch my breath – it was seriously like 3 yards so I don’t really think it helped much – but since I’ve been running more trails – I’ve been trying to teach myself to recover on downhills rather than bullet down them and not get anything positive from them. A quick uphill came and I took this chance to pass the guy in the red shirt. I also saw bright pink shirt girl pretty far ahead of me and thought – well you knew that was going to be the case.

I realized there was no mile marker – not that it mattered, but I was starting to get worried that it was the longest mile I’d ever run, all I knew was there was a water stop near the turn around so I figured they weren’t doing any mile markers. The lead guy came past me at this point – as well as a few others. I was nearing the water stop and saw the pink shirt girl and giggled – I’m second female overall right now. PUHLEAZE… I skipped the water, did the turn around and headed back. I saw E and waved to him and gave him the thumbs up – so far I was feeling pretty good – I was putting forth an effort and my stomach was burning a bit. This seems to happen to me quite a lot and I think I need to figure out what it is. It’s usually my stomach first and then the lungs or legs follow.

I passed a kid in a turquoise bandana at this point who had stopped to walk – he obviously started out too fast. Because I was passing him, I felt like I could justifiably think this to myself since it’s usually me that does this. I’m now pretty much alone – but I look up and pink shirt girl is in my sight. Somewhat closer than she was at the beginning of the race so I just told myself to keep it together and try and close the gap. I had noticed before the race she had come with a guy on a bike and he was seen at different places along the route taking pictures. He got on his bike and went to the next convenient spot to wait for her.

I was feeling pretty good at this point and just concentrated on trying to close the gap between us, and it was getting smaller. Eventually I was right behind her, and then I noticed her grab her side – so I’m thinking she might have started out too fast as well. This is about where the mental dilemma started happening. My train of thought went something like this:

‘If you pass her you are first female – you’ve never been first female before, oh gosh I don’t think I want to be first female, maybe I’ll just stick here and be second. Wow maybe I really want to be first female, I have no idea what this girls’ running style is – I have to figure out a strategy because if I pass her too soon, she might have a better kick at the end. Gosh I really don’t want to do this to her – she’s got her boyfriend/husband taking pictures this might be a really big thing for her. Well maybe I do want to be first female – let’s see if I can do this.

I looked up and could see the trail rounding the corner to the finish line somewhat far ahead so I picked it up and passed her. Ok – now there was a bit of effort going on. I was really hoping I hadn’t sped up too early. I heard her boyfriend/husband on his bike behind me and thought he was riding on the gravel so he could hide her footsteps so I sped up a bit more. I was getting closer to the finish and looked behind me and didn’t see her anywhere. I then was able to see the clock (god I really need to get Lasik again) and saw the clock at 23:53 or something close to that and thought, ‘bahahah you’ve got to be kidding me’ – so I sprinted as fast as I could to the end thinking to myself, please give me 23:xx please please please. (I got 24:02 – DAMN).

FIRST FEMALE! Seriously? Oh my gosh!! I turned around and E was heading in with Hoyt and I cheered him in and told him I was first female. He told me he thought I looked really good all the way through. I felt GREAT! I mean trust me – I realize a 24 minute 5k would get me nothing in any other race of substantial size, but it’s still a 1:30 PR for me and…wait for it…. It’s a 7:44 average pace!! Not only did I run one mile in the 7 range, but I ran 3.1! All without a garmin – all without any inkling as to what I was doing and just concentrating on reeling people in rather than what my watch was saying.

In all honesty all of that means more to me than being first female. I finally ran a smart race, a strategic race – I finally figured out how I felt, rather than figuring how I should feel. We went to the awards ceremony and I got to get my trophy and shake hands with the first male – who came in at an 18 something so he obviously wasn’t in the twilight zone, it was only me. It really was a surreal moment, and a giggly one as well – because that will probably never happen to me again, but I will always know how it feels to come in first place.

Obviously the first thing I did was plug it into a running calculator which spit out a 1:54 marathon for me, which is exactly what I had decided I would shoot for. While it’s nowhere near what I need to qualify for Boston – it would still be a 20 minute PR, and now I feel like I can breathe and not freak out that it’s going to take me five hours to finish the marathon. I realize a 5k isn’t the best race to try and determine a marathon, but it gave me a bit more confidence, which is all I was really looking for in doing this race. It could have gone either way – but to the extreme – really well or really not – and lucky for me it went really well.

I got a shiny PR and a shiny eagle trophy – and the knowledge that if I stop thinking long enough I can run with a clear head and a clear purpose. I’m not about to leave the garmin at home for the marathon, but it just might become a habit for me in shorter races. For now I’m just really happy to say that I am officially capable of running consecutive miles in the 7:XX range. And to that I say ‘Bring on the 6’s!’

I'm Not Ready

2011-04-11T07:18:00.000-07:00

No way. I knew when I chose Higdon's Novice II plan that it was conservative - I chose it because I wanted to get to the starting line uninjured and so far that's what it's gotten me. I think in the back of my head when I saw it was a 'finishers' plan - that it would get me to the finish in no more time than I finished my first marathon, perhaps a bit faster, but I think in reality it will probably get me to the finish line a lot slower than that. I have had no issues with the plan, never felt overly tired, never felt like I was overextending myself, partly because I wasn't. I could have added miles to runs to make it a bit more difficult, but again my initial intent was to just get back to running smartly. I'm typically not smart in these types of situations and take on more than I should. I've come to realize the main reason people get injured is because they don't know their limits (or they're a kick arse runner who run into a crappy situation - Kazz, seriously I'm so sorry you got injured). I'm quickly learning mine.

Yesterday was my 22 miler. The last hard part of training - I suppose I don't consider taper hard. It did not go well. My sister - bless her soul - rides her bike while I run in order to keep me company - 3+ hours out there can sometimes drive a person batty. I did the 20 miler alone and it was torture. In retrospect it actually went better than yesterday. This entire last portion of my training season has been riddled with wind - the half marathon - plenty of my marathon pace runs and just regular runs in general. I don't like making excuses for why this or that might not have gone according to plan - I think if you can't realize you don't have it and continue to look at outside reasons as to why things aren't happening the way you want them to, you'll never realize the real issue and that is sometimes your own limits, or what you're able to accomplish with what you've done leading up to that moment. I've ready plenty of blogs etc, where this happens and I'd much rather just be forthcoming and say I know - I'm not ready. But back to the 22 miler.

The weather people - who seriously I would fire at this point because they can't seem to get anything correct - said it would be raining and possibly snowing in the morning. Not. Nothing. They also mentioned that the horrendous winds that have been going around would not be there. I've referenced my relationship with wind in the past - it's something I'm working on, I don't like wind - it actually makes me feel aggressively angry so I like to avoid it, but again I've come a long way with that relationship and its only the really strong winds that get to me. Regardless, the weather people were wrong again - it was windy - apparently gusts up to 30 MPH - I don't know when I'm in a gust that fast what that feels like so I can't really say, but there were times, miles, like 12 of them, where it was not fun.

I thought to myself just average a 10 minute mile - that's all you need to do. You've lowered your goals - you should be ok, you've made peace with it all so just go with it. The first 12 were ok - I ran behind my sister on her bike when the winds got really strong, when they weren't they were just subtle.

By mile 14, I wanted to be done. It was windy, my lower back was hurting because I can't stop myself from bending over and putting my head to the wind. We tried routes to keep out of the wind as much as possible, but you always have to end up heading back the way you came so I knew that was impossible.

By mile 18 - the mental breakdown had started. I wanted to quit - I'm not a quitter, it's just not in my genes. My parents hammer that home to us everytime we see them, I could tattoo it on my forehead, but at this moment I wanted to quit. The wind was so bad, I felt like I wasn't moving, my legs hurt my back hurt, I couldn't hide behind my sister. I dropped a few F bombs in the span of 5 minutes. I thought to myself, "why are you doing this to me? I'm a good person, why are you blowing this wind in my face? I try to be conscious of this planet:

Hoyt has cloth diapers - you clean a poopy diaper and then tell me we're bad people 95% of his clothes are used from Savers or friends giving them to us
He has wood toys, no plastic unless we buy them used
We use wood burning stoves to heat the house
I drive a Hybrid
I reuse our grocery bags
We donate clothes
E and I share bathwater

All of this and you couldn't just decide not to blow for four hours while I run 22 miles? Then I reminded myself of a few things - if I'm speaking to 'God' I'm not religious, Mother Nature has far more to worry about than whether my long run goes well, and she didn't throw the wind in my face as a personal slight, I'm not that important. I told myself that all I had to do was get through this and I would be rewarded with a more than pleasant marathon - that only worked for awhile.

We got to the car at 18 miles and my sister said - ok, I'm going to run with you the last four if that's ok, I think she got tired of trying to keep the bike in one place (bahahaha - as funny as that sounds, I think its partly true) I said sure - just don't let me quit. So we went the last four together - god it was so nice to have her running with me, even at an 11:30 pace. I was delirious at that point - my math skills and speaking skills had gone out the window. I thought 'ok we're at 18.11 if we go out to 20 miles and come back that will be 22 with a bit extra. Duh - no, we came back at 21.8, a total I'm still not quite sure how it happened, I'm still doing the math (incorrectly of course). At one point I also tried to say something to my sister of not being sure how we came and it did not come out that way. She replied something to the effect of don't worry about it that's why I'm here.

So in reality I did quit - .2 short of 22. I am a quitter. Erg. I'm saying it's ok though, god it's so not ok. Anyway. I'm in taper now - the marathon is in less than 3 weeks and I'm not ready. I need another long run, I need some other race to help figure out where I am. I need something, and I have nothing. That marathon is going to chew me up and spit me out and right now I can't even believe I'm going to line up and do it. Seriously, what am I thinking? In my fairy tale world I keep telling myself that all of these crappy situations are just lining me up for a surprise performance. Really? Really Sandra - that's where you spend your time? Get real.

I'm going to do it though. I'm going to line up with the rest of them. On May 1, I'm going to pray that 19 miles of elevation loss, the excitement of 2500 other people running along side me and the high hopes of a tailwind will get me to the finish - upright and alive. Then I'm just slowly going to realize that there will be a marathon every Sunday until the end of my days that I can train and sign up for, and as long as I do it smartly, and never take on more than I can handle, and give myself time to rest, that I'll get there, for many many more marathons if that's what I choose to do. And if I decide that perhaps my unfinished business with the marathon is now finished, that's ok too. But that would be quitting wouldn't it? I think it would.

Happy Eleven Months Hoyt!

2011-03-29T07:16:00.001-07:00

It was actually yesterday, but I didn't get a chance to post. One more month and he's a year - it really has gone by faster than I thought. He's pulling up on everything and sometimes forgets he can't actually stand by himself because he lets go of whatever he's holding on to. He's creeping along the furniture now as well. There's a slight obsession with kleenex - he likes to rip it into little pieces and then stick it back in the kleenex box or just drop and pick up the pieces. There's some cleanup to it, but it's one of the cheapest toys you can buy. We can't wait to see what he accomplishes in the next month - I don't foresee walking, but a tooth might be nice.... Happy Eleven Months Hoyt!

It Was The Super Moon

2011-03-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

It had to be - that explains it all......

Crisis Averted and the Canyonlands Half Marathon

2011-03-21T09:07:00.000-07:00

Saturday was the Canyonlands Half Marathon – E and I both ran, and we both had a less than stellar showing. I’ll write this in the form of a book since that’s how they end up anyway…
Preface: The Crisis
My ‘no socks run’ was looking as if it was going to be less of just a bonehead move and more of a marathon training halt. Running that eight miles without socks I do believe I had inadvertently altered my stride in order to prevent any more rubbing on the blister so I was attempting to run as much as possible on the outside of my foot. That following Sunday was a 17 miler that I completed but again was more than likely running differently in order to combat the rubbing. I had another five miler the following Tuesday and was supposed to do an 8 miler on the next Thursday but I cut it short at two. I was getting excruciating pain along my Achilles and I was just mentally picturing the tendon snapping mid stride so I stopped. The pain subsided when I stopped running but was now showing up in the morning when I would wake up and start walking. I had to walk on my toes in order to avoid the pain, so I knew something was not good. I missed the Saturday 5 miler and then stopped at 7.5 miles of my 19 miler. All of the sudden 12 weeks of training felt like it was about to go out the window. I Googled Achilles tendonitis and Plantar Fasciitis and I didn’t have the classic symptoms of either so I was perplexed, and worried. A mini taper was fine for the half marathon if things ended up straightening themselves out, but if they only halfway straightened themselves out then was I jeopardizing the marathon by running the half?
I made an appointment with my pedorthist to see whether something had happened with my orthotics, it had been awhile since I’d seen him so I was hoping above all that he could do something that would make the pain go away. He recovered my orthotics, adjusted them a bit and we talked about what happened. He poked and pushed a few places on my foot and told me that it wasn’t Achilles tendonitis I had probably just irritated another tendon that runs near the Achilles and that resting it for a few more days, doing the towel stretch in the morning and never running without socks again would probably solve my issue. I realize he is not a doctor, but the guy looks at feet every day so I left there with just a small glimmer of hope.
The next day I had pilates – and explained to my instructor what was going on so we spent the entire hour doing calf exercises and stretches to try and loosen everything up, without hurting it further. I was hopeful that Thursday, the day we were leaving, I would wake up without any of the pain I’d been having.
Thursday I woke up pain free! Yay! It’s really all I could think about – perhaps the half marathon would turn out ok after all. E was having his own issues, a bit of a cold and some other things, so we were both on the fence with the race, but we were hoping for the best. We were meeting my family in Moab and my sister, her boyfriend, and my brother and his family were coming up for the day so it was going to be fun to see everyone. I don’t know whether there was something about having everyone there that made it seem a bit more pressured – I really would have loved to have a good race with everyone there, but I was not feeling hopeful and was just trying to stay positive. We got to the campground and hung out Thursday night – Friday we went and picked up our packets and just laid low. E made the comment that it would be a very last minute decision for him whether he would run and I was concerned about him, and also fearful that at any minute my foot would rear its ugly head and the pain would return.
Saturday we woke up and got ready for the race – and there wasn’t what I would call pain, but there was just a slight murmur and I was immediately nervous again.
Chapter 1: Nobody Told Me About the Wind No.bo.dy.
I should have known – or at least not been surprised. It’s a canyon – wind is always a possibility, I even made the comment to E when we were driving through the canyon on the way to Moab ‘You know me and canyons’. I was feeling very anxious, and I do that in canyons. Waterton Canyon and I have an odd relationship as well. I can’t place where it originates, but there’s something about them – maybe it’s the walls, I have no idea. But I’ve worked very hard on my relationship with the wind. In years past it could halt a run in a second – or cause a lot of anger and aggression during the run – cursing the wind. It’s gone from sheer hatred to ‘meh I can get over it’. So when we got up on Saturday and it was a bit breezy at the time – I made note of it in my head, but then moved on. We got on the bus to get to the start and just enjoyed the ride (well as much as you can with a chatty Cathy in the seat behind you). While sitting there waiting I could feel my foot – no pain, again just a whisper, and I was still a bit worried. I was unusually cold even with sweats and a sweatshirt on, but I think in reality it was just nerves. My heart rate was high – in the 100’s just standing there. Just standing there.
Chapter 2: The Race
To say I don’t remember anything about the race would not be true, because I remember it, but to recall it is another thing. This should sum it up. The race started and I found myself looking down at my watch thinking ‘thirteen more miles to go’. Ugh. The downhill pitch of the first mile was supposed to feel like floating – I was supposed to be holding myself back and looking down at my watch and seeing a mile in the 7 minute mark, but that was not the case. I was seeing an 8:30 and I wasn’t holding myself back. E was right there with me and the wind started and I just put my head down and ran. At some point, as always I was in front of E. I was concerned about him and found myself looking back to find him and at one point I couldn’t see him and got worried, but continued to run figuring I was overreacting and he’d catch up to me at mile 6 which is where he did in the Tucson half. He’s good at pacing himself, I’m still working on it. I’d relay my mile splits but I had put the Garmin to manual and I missed more than four of them. I know that I had about six miles at marathon pace and then faded exponentially. In trying to set a goal for this race, I had thought worst case scenario I would make it a 13 mile marathon pace run, but in the end that didn’t even happen. I think I finished in 1:56 – I’ve run better halfs with far less training. I did what I could, but I was watching the mile markers in the canyon, I was looking at my watch – my heart rate was sky high – at one point it was 184 and I just couldn’t get it to go down. The drummers at mile ten were a nice pick me up – but that was a ten step pick me up and at mile ten I stopped twice because the mole skin on my shoe had worked itself free and I was starting to feel the blister again, plus I had a new one on the other foot on one of my toes. The pedorthist had told me to walk in the orthotics as much as possible to get used to the adjustments, but I think this blister happened more because of the new material not being broken in.
Chapter 3: The Finish
I saw my sister and her boyfriend on their bikes the last mile. My sister rode with me for a ways and we talked a little, but I just wasn’t feeling it. At 12.5 miles to go I tried to pick it up but even that was short lived. I had to slow down again, but managed to do my version of a sprint to the finish. I saw my family, found Eric after a bit of searching and we went back to the campground. E felt the same way I did – like the effort being put forth was much harder than it should have been in reality – he always manages some perspective and I have a hard time, and am still having a hard time with it.
Chapter 4: The End
Sunday I looked at the results and was surprised to see how slow the times were, relatively speaking. It helped a little knowing that perhaps the wind played a larger role in how I fared than I thought. But it didn’t erase everything. This was my race to help determine what I was going to shoot for in the marathon and I was hoping for a positive sign. Now I was beginning to think that a sub 4 was a shot in the dark as well. I knew my legs felt tired, I don’t know if it was the taper, the camping, or some other reason, but I was surprised at how poorly I felt.
At one point I looked at E and thought – I don’t think I’d do this race again. I wondered whether I’d feel that way if I’d done really well, probably not. I hesitate to make those sorts of decisions on performance. The race was pretty well run, the buses were good, packet pickup, the start, finish etc., there really was nothing that made it a bad race except for my performance and the wind. I won’t say I won’t do this race again, but I won’t do it as a ‘retribution race’ either. I do think it’s a pretty run, but I couldn’t even get there mentally while running the race, it was just all heads down into the wind most of the time and looking up and trying to take it in was marred by where I was mentally at any point. I have a lot of work to do on my mental state if I ever want to be able to pull myself out of something like that.
As for the marathon – I’m sitting here with six weeks left and the need to regroup and get back into training. I have a 20 miler and a 22 miler left and I’m thinking of sneaking in the 19 miler between the two since I didn’t get it done the week previous. My foot will be fine – I do have to figure out some things for marathon day clothing wise – socks etc, but what matters most right now is getting those long runs under my belt in order to be able to have some sense of confidence going into it.
Whatever the case, I’m still a bit sad today. I know that my running over the long haul has not been consistent – injury, pregnancy, having a kid, and that eventually with putting in the time I will see the improvements, but I don’t like mediocrity, I don’t want to be mediocre. That’s how I feel right now. I guess I have some decisions to make, but I’m going to do my best to get back into it and at least go into the marathon with a positive outlook or at least my version of one.

I Have No Idea What Training Week I'm In

2011-03-09T11:26:00.000-08:00

Seriously it must be 11 or 12 - I cant recall. All I know is we're running Canyonlands in ten days - maybe nine and I'm all over the place.

The last time I wrote about running I had blew a five mile race, hadn't managed any pace runs successfully and had reevaluated my goals for the half and the full marathon. Low and behold that next Thursday I breezed through my 7 mile pace run and then last week breezed through my 8 mile pace run - well ok let me say - it wasn't necessarily a breeze in all regards. First I forgot my socks so I ran without any - which resulted in blisters forming around mile four or so, didn't stop, figured my feet would go numb, and they did somewhat, until about mile six when I felt them pop - still didn't stop. I was doing it - I was running at marathon pace, and not amended marathon pace - true marathon pace. I figured I'd deal with it later - and a week later I'm still dealing with the blisters. I also got followed by a dog, who, once the terror of getting bit or tripped was gone, was a great running partner. So while no - it wasn't a breeze, it was still a successful pace run. So now I'm thinking - do I go back to original goals - do I shoot for a 1:44 at Canyonlands - do I say that 13.1 miles at marathon pace will be good enough and let it be a 1:50 something? What do I do about the marathon? Do I go back?

I'm perplexed and have fully confused myself to the point of doubting any and all ability to hold marathon pace for 13 miles or go anywhere below it. Tucson was a padded PR - it was downhill, and a lower elevation. Canyonlands does not have the elevation loss, and while it's lower, it's not that lower. E recommends starting at an 8:40 or so and then picking it up the last half. I wish I had confidence in my end of the race running ability, but I don't. My first inclination is always to bank time to prepare for the generous fade. I've gotta figure that one out. I'm working on that one. The idea of being able to pick it up that much in order to get a 1:44 is unthinkable.

Along with all that is the blister situation. My feet look like they went through a meat grinder. I really messed them up, and they don't get worse when I run, but I'm afraid of a subconscious gait change in order to avoid the pain. I've got a 19 miler this week so they have to heal a bit more by then. They have to be back to normal by the race. Or at least scabbed and scarred over by then. I'm going to have to use my results there to decide on the marathon. I'm also tempted to attempt a 5k in April to help gauge - but I don't typically run short races, well I don't know how to run them - well. I'm afraid even doing that would be a let down or a confidence shaker.

My parents and my sister and boyfriend are coming to Moab to watch us run, and get in some mountain bike time. I wonder if the added pressure of having people at the finish will do anything. Who am I kidding, every minor detail always has some sort of affect on how I run. I've got ten days to figure out my strategy, that sounds so silly. Maybe I could just try to race happy, like that woman's t-shirt said. No comment.

Happy Ten Months Hoyt!

2011-02-28T09:58:00.000-08:00

Here's something he mastered last week:

5 Mile Race 15 Mile Run Boston Changes

2011-02-21T10:19:00.000-08:00

Ok so I'm throwing everything in one post because it's so much easier and I really haven't kept up with putting anything down on paper in regards to the past couple of runs.

5 Mile Race - Saturday was the last race in the series. I really wanted a sub 40 for this one, secretly I really really wanted a 38 minute race. What I ended up with was 2 seconds slower than my first 5 Mile race. You could say I started out too fast, because I suppose I probably did. I guess I was hoping I was in better shape for this one - having had four more weeks of running on top of the last race - so thinking I'd start out at an 8:10 didn't seem outlandish, but right off I knew I was in for it. I ended up with an 8 minute mile an 8:14, 8:30 and 8:14 - or something along those lines. It was a very frustrating day for me. I've come to realize that speed-wise I'm not improving, and if anything I can only hope for the endurance to finish the marathon in May - those thoughts will come later. That mean voice found itself again that day - I couldn't chase it away no matter what I did, and there was nothing I could do to quiet it.

Sunday was a 15 miler. I ran at Wash Park as is typical. The first four miles I wasn't in a good place - I battled my mind constantly in that time. Why was I doing this, what was it for, why didn't I pick a more aggressive plan, how could I figure in some speed work in the last half of the training plan to help me get faster - you know you have to reevaluate your goal for the marathon - qualifying for Boston just isn't going to happen. You get it. Around mile six or so I managed to shut the voices off, or at least turn them down. I felt a little twinge in my right knee - not the one I injured last time, and I thought - ok I get it, I get the message. So I just ran - and at the end of the 15 miles I felt surprisingly good. It was a 9:48 pace overall. So if anything, I'm really good at running really slow for longer periods of time. I guess that's something.

Boston Changes - Boston has decided to revamp it's qualifying standards and registration. They're taking people who 'overqualify' first, then the ones who just made it, later. So it limits ones chances of getting in, unless you've just gone above and beyond your time. In 2013 they've lowered the times by five minutes across the board. For the entire day on the 16th I was officially goal-less. What was I going to do? 3:45 is unrealistic at this point for a marathon time, and knowing they were lowering it was just one more shot. All of the sudden 3:45 was an arbitrary number with no meaning behind it. I really had no clue as to what to do. I could really try and push myself and get the 3:45 for 2012, but that was too much pressure. Then at about 9:30 at night while I was laying in bed I realized that in 2013 I would be in the older age group - so my 3:45 would still be applicable. 3:45 was no longer an arbitrary number, but what it still remains is unrealistic.

Revised Goals - I hate to think it. I hate to write it even more, because I have such high expectations for myself, and perhaps a bit too much confidence when it comes to establishing goals, but I'm going to have to revise them for the marathon in May. Really, there's no way around it. I haven't managed to run one successful marathon pace run, and none of my race times are even close to what a marathon would equal - so it's with a heavy heart that I say besides just getting to the marathon to run it at all, I no longer have the goal of qualifying for Boston. I've revised my goal to a 3:55 - and even that might be unrealistic. I might just have to go for a Sub 4 goal. This week I have a 7 mile pace run and I'll see if I can maintain what I need to maintain for a 3:55 - if I can and its easy I'll try for a 3:50 pace the next run and see where that puts me. It's also made me revise my half marathon goal for the Canyonlands Half. I'm thinking if I'm anywhere near a sub 1:50 then I'll have to be satisfied with that. I would have loved to repeat my 1:45 pace from Tucson in 2008, but that's so far gone at this point, I'm letting all of it go.

It's somewhat put a damper on the other things planned - Mt. Evans Ascent and the Firecracker 50. I was hoping that I'd build on some confidence from the marathon as well as the training to do pretty well in both those races. Running up a 14'er is nothing like a marathon, and a 50 mile bike race is nothing like a marathon either, but regardless I was hoping the training would help. Realistically I know it will, but I'm going to have to reign in what I think I'm capable of, and just hope for a finish. I'm not hoping for surprise performances or anything - this has all just been an eyeopener for me. I've reminded myself softly more than a few times that I could not be able to run at all, and I've also had to remind myself there is no time clock hanging over my head, I've got many years of doing whatever I want to train for, so I don't have to fit it all in in 2011. That piece has helped a lot.

I'm in week nine of training, and overall it's gone well. I just have to focus on that and let it be enough - more than enough even. The other options are not running at all, and that just can't happen.

Marathon Training Week Eight

2011-02-14T13:10:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm in week eight of training, yesterday was a 14 miler. It went pretty well - I averaged a 9:58 pace and that was counting not stopping my watch for a few of the stops at the car to get water and Heed. It's right around where I need to be for my long runs. I've had two marathon pace runs, and I've still not managed to hit the 8:35-8:37 consistently for either of them, so I'm slowly beginning to accept any BQ attempt is probably a stretch. I have the last 5 mile race of the series this Saturday and I'd really like to get a sub 40 because that would have me at a sub 8 minute pace, something I've never done before.

I've gone back and read my blog to see whether I've ever done a MP successfully and I don't think I have. I've come close, or I've done it on a treadmill, but seriously I don't count those as successful because it's easier to let the treadmill move than to propel yourself forward for that duration at that speed.

Then I started reading a lot of my posts about training - the first time and second time before I got injured. It's amazing to see what was happening back then, because back then I couldn't see it. I think everyone of those posts was screaming 'heading for injury' but boy you just don't see it when you are in it. I think this time around I have a much healthier mindset, which is not to say that it doesn't take a digger here and there, but overall I've remained calm and clear headed. I've also done every single one of my workouts so far except for one three miler, and that was not the case for my first round.

I am moving towards changing my goal for the marathon - I mean really, what would I do if I did qualify for Boston? I'd have to end this blog, because I will have reached where I was heading. That would be silly. I think the race this weekend will help in making a decision, if not the half in March will be the final decider. I do have to say I'm ok with how it goes either way.

I'd like to thank my previous posts for giving me the ability to see exactly where I stand, I suppose there is something to be said for blogging. For example - I am now a sensible shoe person - I don't remember the last time I wore heels. They shorten my calves and hurt my feet. Of course the bottoms of my pants are suffering for it because I truly believe I'm taller than I actually am, but who cares. I'm not angry when I run, those mean people are gone. I run, and for the most part I don't think about anything that makes me feel bad about myself - I just run.

Most of all - I'm a runner, I don't just run. Regardless of the outcomes, or where I place in the race. I'm a runner and I've always wanted to say that. But more importantly I'm a mother, a wife, friend, biker, writer, and human and those things mean far more to me than Boston. It will take over two years to come full circle with the marathon (if I get there - I'm still very aware of injury) but my circle is complete for me, which is all that really matters.

And on that note - just a short video - of a child that truly lights up the room - or at least the room that E and I are currently occupying. And he's got loads of talent when it comes to the piano.....oh and its much better with sound.

Marathon Training Week Six

2011-01-31T13:13:00.001-08:00

At least I think it's week six. It might be week five. Either way - it's been going swimmingly. Well I did actually skip the Saturday run because I was feeling a bit under the weather, but it's the one and only run I've missed so far. The 12 miler yesterday was a bit more labored than it probably would have been had I been feeling 100% but I got it done, and I was thinking of all sorts of reasons on why it would be ok if I didn't finish.

Today a bit of doubt started creeping into my head regarding the Higdon Novice training plan - not enough miles, not enough speedwork, not enough not enough, but I've since let that go. I'm running, and I'm running well, with no wiggles so that's really all I care about. I'd love to get to the marathon uninjured and surprise myself with a qualifying time to Boston, but it's not the end all be all. I've got too many other races, both running and on the bike that I want to do this year.

We've got the final race of the series coming up in three weeks, then the half marathon in March. April will be filled with no races but plenty of running and once the marathon is done we've signed up for the Mt Evans Ascent - a 14 mile race up Mt Evans. That's not going to be any picnic in the park. We've got the Firecracker 50 mountain bike race and I'd like all of this to end with a 50k in Pagosa Springs in October. In a perfect world this will all work out, right now I just want to continue to run well and happy. Right now that's enough for me.

Happy Nine Months Hoyt

2011-01-29T17:51:00.000-08:00

The picture says it all...

Frosty's Frozen Five

2011-01-17T09:51:00.000-08:00

So Saturday was the second race in the Winter Series. We did this last year - I was preggo then (and let me just say I compared the photo of last year to this year and eeeeek) anyway that's another topic.

So its the five miler - and this race was some RRCA sanctioned race or something which meant there were probably going to be a bunch more fasties than last time. As always I start mulling over my strategy at least a week in advance and then gradually descend into desperation, depression and denial. I have no idea where I am currently in fitness. The 5k didn't go as well as I would have wanted, but could that all be attributed to a fast start? My one and only pace run this training cycle ended with 8:55 average pace, did I start out too fast then too? I could just make this a pace run like it's supposed to be in training and forget anything faster than that. I could put the 38-40 minute goal out of my head. Would starting out at an 8:33 still be a fast start? How do I know? Get my drift?

Eventually I told myself 'I'll be happy with anything 43 minutes and below'. It took care of it being a pace run and anything below that was going to be icing on the cake. E has been sick - he found out he had bronchitis so he was told if he ran it to run it moderately. I thought perhaps I'd just hang behind him and let him run me in. I had all sorts of thoughts. So on the morning of the race I just told myself 43 or below - the first mile has to be the slowest. Period. If that occurred it was to be deemed a successful race. So we line up, and we're off. Oh.my.god this is slow.... I stayed behind E - I was determined to stay behind him. We were dodging some icy spots so I figured that was helping me and I was starting to get a bit too close to E, but I was doing it - I was moderating my pace for the first mile. First mile - 8:29 YEEEHAWWW! It felt so easy, it was more difficult to stay where I was then to run that pace. (oh and that's 6 seconds faster than marathon pace for a BQ attempt)

The second mile - I believe this is where I passed E. I just couldn't contain myself - I let go of the reins a little - I felt good. Second mile 8:03. HOT DIGGITY DOG!!!

The third mile - We had a turnaround so I was counting all the females for the first part and thought - I'm not doing so shabby. I was running to feel - pushing it a bit but not too much I thought. At this point I thought I should be able to hold the pace 'til the end. I see E and he's not that far behind me. Third mile 7:59 OH MYLANTA THERE'S A 7:XX MILE!!!

The fourth mile - Erg...I'm doing ok but its starting to get hard. My tummy is not feeling so good, but I'm doing what I can to hold steady. E passes me and pats me on the back...Fourth mile 8:18. I'm ok with it. I did what I could to stay with him, I wanted to really bad, but it was not happening. I'll just do what I can to keep from being passed.

The fifth mile - Ok I'm almost done with this race - I can consider it a success - It's way under marathon pace - I had a really slow first mile. I'm going to finish well under my goal - this is a successful race. I'm heading towards the finish and I see a shadow coming up behind me so I book it to the finish so I don't get passed. (its a good thing I did too because I'm pretty sure it was the woman that came in behind me in our age group) Fifth mile - 8:14 so I did speed up.

Final Time - 41:03 an 8:12 pace. 11/73 in my age group 34/340 female 119/530 overall. If I plug that into a running calculator it gives me a sub 4hour marathon, and I realize those calculators are more BS than anything, but I like to use them anyway. I've been noodling on the idea of just trying to get a sub 4 in the marathon if I get there uninjured. It would be more than a 15 minute PR, so that's quite a chunk of time, but I guess it might still be too early to start making those decisions.

I have another pace run this week so it will be interesting to see whether its the race environment that makes an 8:35 pace doable, or whether I can keep it without the incentive of passing people. I've been really good this training cycle with making all my runs and running them more slowly and I am really only in the 4th week with 14 more to go, but so far it feels good and I've had no issues that would signal I might be heading for injury so I try to just take one week at a time and celebrate the fact I've managed to complete it successfully. We have the last five mile race in February - 5 weeks away to be exact. I'd love to improve in that time but I'll take just a sub 40 at the moment. I can't make predictions until it gets closer. I'd love to see two or three miles in the 7:xx range. Again, we'll see.

On another really fun note - Hoyt is now clapping and kind of saying Yay! It's so cute - I do believe he is in full fledged teething mode right now - he had a rough day yesterday. I sure hope they come out soon so he can get a little break from the pain. I hated pulling my teeth and losing them and having them grow in - every part of it when I was a kid. I sure hope its easier for him.

Marathon Training - Weeks One and Two

2011-01-10T09:47:00.000-08:00

So its officially started - marathon training. Currently I'm at the beginning of week three and am happy to say no signs of injury. The first two weeks felt somewhat like a cutback since we had worked our long run up to ten miles and these two weeks were eight and nine miles but it was more days of running so in reality I wasn't really cutting back. I moved a few days around here and there to adjust for the weather and other things that were going on. As a habit I don't like moving things around but its nice to know that this round I'm more ok with it then I was in the past. I was always trying to follow things exactly and I think I've got a new mindset that is much more relaxed about the whole thing.

We've got the second race in the series this Saturday - a five miler - I'd put A, B and C goals down, but right now I'm still trying to figure those out. I guess the one I want to focus on the most is not starting out too fast. If I can manage that one - it will be a successful race.

I've come to realize that I need to start embracing 7:XX minute miles. My PR's have all been in the 8 minute mile range so unless I learn and acknowledge that its ok to run that pace - I won't ever get another PR. I know plenty of people whose regular pace is in that range so its not 'fast' in a lot of people's definition, but for someone who has been comfortable in the 8 range - it's something new to try and embrace.

Hoyt will be nine months this month - I really can't believe how fast its gone. Still no teeth, and not crawling yet, but he's getting around in his own way - He can also stand up and hold on to an ottoman or the couch - he might just skip crawling altogether. I'm going to make my best attempt at teaching him some sign language. The daycare says they do it, but I'm skeptical - and I think he's getting to the point now where he's easily frustrated because he knows what he wants, he just doesn't know how to tell us.

So far the New Year has been going well - work is work - I really don't enjoy it, and I think there will be some big changes this year with the group. I think I'm just going to have to wait it out and see what happens. In the meantime E and I are making a good effort in getting rid of some of the clutter around here in order to simplify our lives a bit. We do have a lot of crap.

Happy New Year

2011-01-01T09:05:00.000-08:00

2010 was a busy year in all aspects. I spent the first quarter pregnant, the second and third quarter recovering and getting accustomed to the new title of mother (oh who are we kidding, I still look at him and shock myself sometimes) and the final quarter was spent trying to compartmentalize everything and to attempt to have it all.

Hoyt is such an awesome kid - good natured, happy, smiley, inquisitive - I don't think we could have asked for a better version of the two of us. He sleeps eats and plays like a champ, and so far is very content hanging out in the Bob while we run for long stretches. He loves the dogs and I predict in the next year Chica will put on a pound or two from the dropped food.

I feel like I have the pregnancy to thank for the return to running. I've been able to run for the last half of the year consistently and I hope that continues into 2011. E and I have set goals to run another marathon, with a half in March and I'm doing everything I can to get there healthy and uninjured. Having been injured for more than a year and needing other outlets to exercise it's put a lot into perspective for me. I think I've learned to be kinder to myself - to set expectations, but to understand they don't define me. I've done my best to not compare myself to others - in the past that's what I believe got me to the injured state. If someone else was running more I needed to run more, if they were faster I should be faster. I ended up exhausted angry and of course injured. Now I've gotten to a point where goals are more than one, and I'm able to reevaluate midstream and adjust my mindset accordingly. I think the biggest achievement of this year will be to learn how to not go out too fast. That's going to be a difficult one. I think I'm overpositive on what I'm capable of doing and so I aim high :) I can't be faulted for that. At least I don't think I can.

This week was the first week of 18 weeks of Higdon - Novice 2 - to get to the Colorado Marathon in May. All in all I did fairly well. I had four runs - well a three miler I'll do and do in a bit. One of those was a marathon pace run and without having any place to start other than my last 5k I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to be shooting for. I ended up with a sub 9 minute average - with the first two miles being 8:3X's - the pace I would need to sustain to qualify for Boston. I suppose in the back of my mind that is still the goal for this marathon, but I won't be able to make a good judgement on that possibility for another two months or so. I think the Novice plan will fall a bit short of getting me there, but I believe it will keep me healthy so I'm sticking with it.

I've got a list started in my head of the races both cycling and running that I'd like to do this year, and if I can get to even half of them it will be a successful year.

I think the biggest thing 2010 has taught me is that I have a great life. I have a wonderful husband, a great kid and a lot of opportunities up until this point I may have taken for granted. I've realized even at 37 I'm still learning about myself and life and how all of that goes together. I figured I was done learning, but common sense would tell me otherwise.

As for goals - well numberwise I guess I have a few of them, but those aren't as important as just making this year a good one for all three of us, and enjoying everything along the way.

Happy Eight Months Hoyt!

2010-12-28T16:58:00.001-08:00

Today you are eight months old. You are growing like a weed and have such a good disposition. We've established a routine that works well and understanding your signs of being tired or hungry are getting easier.

Still no teeth, and you're crawling backwards, but you love sitting up and prefer that to anything. You got some blocks and a firetruck for Xmas that you have been having fun playing with. You 'talk' all the time - I only wish we knew what you were saying. You are about to enter the last quarter of your first year, and I think we will see a lot of changes over the next three months.

You're getting in a lot of miles with us in the Bob - most days you seem to enjoy it immensely but there are days you'd rather be doing something else. I hope we are teaching you to love the outdoors and to be active throughout your life. I only want the best for you - and to say of your childhood that you could never remember being unhappy.

Happy Bday Hoyt - E and I love you very much!

Merry Xmas from the Carpenters!

2010-12-25T14:45:00.001-08:00

E - Sandra and HUC!

The Final 5k

2010-12-19T07:28:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I ran the last 5k in my own three 5k challenge. Before I go into the race details I need to paint a picture of the situation so that you can go into this with everything you need.

Almost two years ago I ran a 10k in the same spot as yesterday's race. That day I ran and it sucked, I sucked - and I was angry and wanted to quit because I wasn't in the shape I wanted to be in or thought I should be in. The next day when we returned to the same spot to run (because its a nice place to run) I ended up injured in about the third mile of the run. One pair of orthotics, two MRI's, 10 weeks of PT, countless sessions of pilates, and two doctors telling me to find another sport later I was still injured. Any attempt at running was met with IT band and hip pain into the first half mile.

So I threw myself into mountain biking - did a race, peddled my ass off in order to find something to replace the running. In late August we found out I was pregnant, the day before what was to be (and still ended up being) a week long mountain biking vacation with more than 120 miles ridden in the span of four days. We were hesitant in changing anything in our lives because we had tried to get pregnant before and we thought if its going to stick, it will stick. And he did - almost 8 months old as we speak. But I'm getting off topic. Suddenly it wasn't a good idea to bike like I was, and so I made my way back to my running shoes, and miraculously enough I was able to run. I ran four or five times a week up until 34 weeks when it got too cumbersome, but I ran pain free (IT and hip wise) the entire time. After Hoyt was born I guess I half expected everything to come back - but for now it has not. Quietly in my mind I have been plotting a return to running, like running a marathon return, but again I'm way off topic.

At some point I formulated this plan to run three 5k's and see how much I could improve over that time. The first two 5k's had less than three weeks between them, so I really wasn't expecting much. The first was 27:xx, the second was a somewhat disappointing 26:xx - ok not disappointing, I was expecting miracles - I think I still am. I had 5 weeks between the second and third 5k, in that time I managed three speed sessions two or three long runs and a few runs, not as much as I'd like but E and I were sidelined with food poisoning for almost a week and that kind of threw me off, I'm also trying to figure out how to get into the swing of training again. Fortunately or unfortunately the food poisoning led to weaning, which led to less pumping which meant more time at work to fit in a run, so I switched gears.

Back to the race. E and I have run this distance series two times now I believe, or races within the series. This is to be our third. All other years it was run at Chatfield Reservoir, but this year, for reasons I still haven't figured out, they changed the place - to the place I ran and got injured. I figured out where it was (and what it was called) after we signed up, and I thought 'oh my, how fitting' - that's not all I thought, but I'm always looking for signs and this one was a sign to me. I knew that I had to keep two March's ago in my head so at any point in the race if I wasn't where I wanted to be, perspective would never be lost. The interesting thing about a 5k is that it's so short, you know pretty quickly whether it's going to go like you want it, so I'd have less time to beat myself up if I went that route.

The race started going downstream, but really not enough to notice. It had a really funky start with this dip of a hill right in the first tenth of a mile, which means you'd have to go back up that dip when you are attempting to sprint to the finish. Erg. The start was ok but I looked down and found myself at a 7 minute mile (no one needs to be surprised at this point that I started out too fast). I slowed down pretty significantly and then looked down towards the end of the mile and found myself slower than a 7:33 which is what I needed to average. The first mile was a 7:40. I was running behind a woman I figured was in my age group and thought maybe I can just stick with her - I wore my ipod, which I typically never do, and I couldn't hear myself breathing which I thought might be a good thing. I felt pretty good, but I knew at that point that a 23:30 which is what I was shooting for, was not going to happen. Right about this time someone ran by me wearing a 'Race Happy' t-shirt and I thought 'ok ok I get it I get it' and then Santa passed me. Seriously?

I ran the second mile pushing myself as hard as I could without killing myself - we had to run up to an overpass and then back down and that little incline killed me. I ended up with an 8:15 second mile. Boy I was going to have to start doing the math to see what I might be able to pull off. Into the second mile two girls passed me that I knew were in my age group, but I really just had to let them go. The last two 5k's at some point in the race I would just stop and walk - I've always felt like that was my mind giving up, so one of my goals this time was to not walk, which I didn't - so that in itself was a success.

Mile three was upstream - again really not enough to notice and we crossed three bridges. At this point I really just wanted to hang on. We were almost there. I got to the point where technically we would go up to the finish line and realized we had to go past it far enough to be annoying and make a really akward turn around. I passed E and Hoyt and gave them a small wave. I did the turn around and was all of the sudden passed by a 5 year old. Ok maybe not 5, I'm sure she wasn't five, but no older than 10 and I just had to giggle a bit. Mile 3 ended with an 8:30. I really didn't have it in me to sprint to the finish but I sped up as much as I could - I felt like I got slapped in the face with a wall trying to get up that little hill and ran through the finish.
My time - 25:27.

I got 5th in my age group out of 63 so I have to look at that as a positive. Had I gotten the 23:30 I wanted I would have gotten second, but that's splitting hairs really - woulda coulda shoulda. I knocked a minute something off the last 5k with a bit more training, so that's good. I have to take everything as a positive.

5k's hurt. The concept of how they are supposed to be run is painful. I know that 10k's suck even more but still 5k's just hurt. It's a character builder anyway. The biggest success of that race, was running it and staying positive, recognizing I need to learn to slow the heck down out of the shoot and figure out how to pace myself, but to stay positive.

On a side note E ran the 10k and got second place in his age group - WOO HOO! I think neither of us is where we want to be, but we're making the best attempt at getting there - and getting there uninjured, which for me means not getting caught up in times and miles and weeks and achievements and just getting out there to run. All that being said, we've decided to take on the challenge of another marathon. The Colorado Marathon to be exact and we've put a training plan together and we're both approaching it with restraint and caution in order to get us to the start (and finish) line. We also got in to the Canyonlands Half marathon in March which was a lottery entry - so already we feel like we've won something. It's too early to start making predictions or goals other than uninjured, so that's what we are doing. We've got 18 weeks of training to get through and we both want to make it there in one piece. When I got injured we were training for the Colorado Marathon and E got injured three weeks after I did, so its another full circle sort of thing. I think we'd both just like to see this circle come to completion.

Happy 7 Months Hoyt!

2010-11-28T15:18:00.000-08:00

Today you are seven months old! Oh my, I think it's going by pretty fast for all of us. You say MaMa and DaDa now and you do that little screechy thing I'm sure will grow in volume and duration as the days go by. You've almost tripled your weight and you can find loose skin anywhere on anyone's body and pinch it long enough to create horrendous pain. You're rolling everywhere and haven't started crawling yet, but you figure out how to get around by rocking everywhere.

Sadly, you've all but weaned yourself from me. After a horrible bout of food poisoning for both E and I - you've grown accustomed to the bottle and the speed at which the milk flows so you aren't really happy breastfeeding. I also lost a huge amount of supply so formula has become a sad fact of life right now. I'm still managing to get some, and hope it sticks around until at least nine months. I can't help but feel very sad about the whole thing, this definitely was not how I had planned the next couple of months for you. We've started to give you finger foods to play with, but it's comical how everything else you find goes into your mouth, but with food it just ends up on the floor. Still no sign of teeth, I've been told I didn't get them until around ten months, so it might be awhile. Christmas is coming and I know you won't remember a thing about it, but it's your first one - I'm sure we'll find a few presents for you.

Happy birthday Booger - we love you!

The Second 5k

2010-11-15T08:10:00.001-08:00

Erg. So - there are a few things I want to put down before I get to the actual 5k itself. While initially I think this list is a bunch of 'excuses' I'm allowing myself a little wiggle and saying that most of them are 'reasons' as to why I didn't get the time I wanted to get.

1)The first 5k in my opinion - was a bit of a sandbag. I knew my first time goal was a total sandbag and my second would push me just a bit but not all that much. So I got my second time goal.

2)The time between the two 5ks was 10 days. The thought that I could improve upon my first time by two or three minutes was kind of a stretch.

3)I ran three times in that 10 days. A seven miler and two speed sessions.

4)Rather than shoot for my first goal I decided to shoot for my faster second goal and hence probably started out too fast which isn't abnormal, but I do believe had I just looked at the slower first goal time, I might have been able to get it.

5)I was parched - I didn't drink enough water and the fact that I'm still breastfeeding definitely calls for better hydration. Because of that I took water at the second mile and promptly choked and had to walk in order to get through the coughing fit.

Ok so I think that's all the things I want to list. Believe me there are more - like the fact that this race was larger than expected and there was a HUGE GOTR group, so much they had their own packet pick up section - so there were quite a lot of little munchkins to contend with at the start. That and the lady with the Snuggie and mom jeans who wanted to start up front as well. Anyway - timewise my first and slower goal was a 25:XX, yes I know, still slow, but I do keep reminding myself that while I did run during pregnancy there was no such thing as a speed session and previous to that I had the lingering injury that wouldn't go away so I haven't run anything 'fast' in well over two years. My faster B goal was a 24:xx - shooting for a 3 minute improvement over the last 5k. so I knew I had to run just under a sub 8 minute mile.

So we're off and the first mile was spent dodging the snuggie mom jean wearer and a bunch of GOTR little ladies - which now is when I will say 'you go girl' to all of them for being out there and doing it. That is such a great organization. I had two women in front of me I decided to pick as my rabbits. One had a Pink Victoria's Secret jacket on with striped knee socks. Seriously I could have picked someone a little more dressed for the occasion, but her socks annoyed me so I at least wanted to beat her. There was one other woman that was running very smoothly so I thought I'll pick her too. After all the bobbing and weaving the first mile ended up an 8:09 which felt surprisingly good and at least three times in that mile I looked down at my Garmin and made myself slow down, so I thought sweet, we just might do this. I passed the Pink girl and I passed the other woman and I was on my way.

Mile two did not go as smoothly. E and I have run at this park so much I know it like the back of my hand. I know that in this mile there are two little inclines that if I was pushing at all I would definitely feel in the second mile. E was pushing Booger in the stroller and I had gone ahead of him in the first mile but I knew he was going to catch up to me and he did in this mile. He said I looked good, but on the first incline I started to feel it. So I watched him move ahead of me. When the second incline came, I was a sally and stopped to walk for five seconds. Then I got the water and then I choked and had to stop to walk again. That mile ended up being an 8:47. There goes my 24:XX. In this mile at some point the Pink girl passed me - christ I'm getting beat by knee socks girl.

In the third mile I started to reevaluate. Could I still get a 25, could I push myself through this mile and get in front of the two somewhat annoying guys who came up on me and were apparently struggling because they were so busy telling each other to just 'stride it out' that they probably could have improved on their time by 45 seconds if they just would have stopped talking and started running. I tried to get in front of them, but I knew that was a mistake as soon as I did it. At this time the Pink girl decided to use the restroom, she probably needed to primp - poor girl didn't know there wasn't a mirror in the bathroom. (yes, snarky) So I did end up beating her. We rounded the corner and the guy was yelling 500 yards to go so I thought I can sprint for 500 yards. The third mile ended up being an 8:54 so obviously I still have a perfect record in the positive split department, but the last tenth was at a 7:18 pace. Seriously? So I finished with a 26:43. Off both goals and not that big of an improvement from the first 5k. Now is when I will say - but it was an improvement. I do have to say that during that last tenth of a mile there is this fluid feeling - my legs feel great and everything feels so smooth and a lot 'easier' than running at a 9 minute mile pace. Unfortunately I don't have the lungs to hold that pace for longer than 500 yards. I think that's always been where I'm lacking, and it's going to have to be my focus for the next five weeks if I want to meet my goals for the last 5k, which leads me to my current dilemna. Do I keep my original goal for my last 5k which was a 22:xx. That's now 4 minutes off my current time, or do I now make the 24:xx my goal? This is where I always manage to sabotage myself. So I'm going to have to noodle on it for awhile. I'm also going to have to run a bit more than three times in two weeks. That's going to be my first goal.

Regardless of my sucky time - I'm looking at it in the context that I got 9th in my age group - out of 138, which is pretty good. I don't know how fast the overall field was, probably not that fast since the winner was a girl in the 13-19 age range, although she did win it in 18 minutes. I'm just going to chalk it up to experience. This was my second 5k, and boy even if it is just 26 minutes - that's a long time to be uncomfortable. I didn't get the glory of pushing for hours while in labor so I can't even draw upon that when I'm in the moment. I'm going to have to find something else to draw on, but in the meantime I'm just going to go run a few 400's.

A Tale of 3 5ks

2010-11-01T08:16:00.000-07:00

So I've had this ingenious plan brewing in my head for awhile now on how to gauge how my running is going. Let's be honest, if you looked at it on paper you'd see it's truly going nowhere, but in order to try and change that I had to set goals for myself so I thought, what better way then to pick three 5k's three goals and train in between each to see whether I can reach those. I do have a habit of overreaching when determining goals and that's been a bad thing for me in the past. I don't do well when I don't reach those goals so it sets me up for a lot of negative talk so I thought for this running career, I'd have more than one goal:

1) the - 'oh my god if I don't beat this time I'm pathetic' goal
2) the - 'I'd really like to get this time' goal
3) the - 'this is so unrealistic, but why the heck not' goal

Sunday was the first in the string of the three 5k's I've chosen, but first I have to say I've never raced a 5k - I've run them, while pregnant, just to support a friend, but I've never run one with a purpose. And please when I use the word race in describing this attempt, please understand - I know I have no speed at this time so for many it might be just a leisurely jog pace, but for me, well for my number 2 goal - I was pushing myself. I don't even try and give a time for the number 3 goal and for the number 1 goal - well thats a liesurely pace for me.

This was a very small race, with most people dressed up for Halloween - E and I were not and neither was Hoyt. E's plan was to pace me while pushing the stroller since I have this glorious habit of starting off to fast and to bring me in at my number 2 goal which was a 27 minute 5k. Yes, again...putt putt puttin along. I had seen a girl in arm warmers and a singlet and thought - ok she's my rabbit, but seriously I'll probably never see her.

So we started the race and being with E and the stroller we were in back a bit, so it took some time to get over the timing mat, but we did finally and we were off. Ok - so I was off. E was always close behind me, but I don't care if you've blocked my way with a dump truck, I'll find my way around it just so I can start off too fast. At one point I did turn around to see him and thought - crap I did it again. In all honesty I did try to slow down but for some reason its like Pac Man and I want to gobble up the people in front of me. E caught up to me after the first mile and we both agreed I started out too fast, but now it was just me trying to hang on to the pace. He ran with me and we realized the mile markers were off which annoys me, but I did have my Garmin. Mile one was good mile two was, meh, but I knew I had my number two goal in reach. Oh, and what is that in front of me? It's the girl with the armwarmers. E knew I had picked her out so we worked our way up to her and passed her. I knew then I might have picked the wrong rabbit, but she was behind me because I could hear her for the rest of the race. E saw someone in front of him he thought was in his age group and I told him to go for it, that I'd go the last mile alone.

I was watching my watch and I knew I'd be within my goal, and this is where I will admit I stopped and walked (twice) for ten seconds because of my 'fast start', but I heard the girl behind me and I finished in front of her - in 27:21, stupid walk breaks. Again - I hit my number two goal though so I'm not complaining. After not having run an 8:30 mile in over a year and a half, I was ok with it. E got second place in our self proclaimed stroller category - he got beat by a Chariot and some guy in a mask, but the Chariot started out in the front so that's why I'm calling foul on that one.

I beat the clowns, the blind mice, the banana's a green pepper, some grapes and a few others in there, but most of all I beat the arm warmer girl.

The next 5k is in two weeks - not a lot of time for training but I figure if I can get two speed sessions each week in I should be ok. For now I still have three goals for the next 5k, but I've adjusted the times accordingly and I will do the same for the third after I've finished the second. That one should be interesting because it's usually snowed by then and I'll have to take weather into consideration, but I'm still aiming to achieve my level 2 goal. We've also signed up for the Colorado Marathon in May - so here we go, training mode again.

Happy 6 Months Hoyt

2010-10-29T12:02:00.000-07:00

It was actually yesterday but we were returning home after a visit to grandma and grandpa's house.

You have begun rolling in order to get to where you want to go - your hair is filling in although that might not be saying much. No sign of teeth yet although you drool like the best of them.

I managed to make it to six months without having to supplement with formula, which is what I told myself I wanted to do and I said I wouldn't give myself a hard time after that. So far in my head I keep wondering whether I can continue to push out the formula timeframe, but my supply has dipped immensely and I don't think that will be possible. I also don't know how well I will do not feeling a little bad about the fact that I had to move over to formula to supplement, but I want to be sure you are getting all you need and I'd rather do it now while I have some frozen supply so its not a complete move to formula and just a supplement thing.

I'm trying to look at it in a way where I might be given a bit more freedom to have more time to train, and perhaps a bit more opportunity to sleep for a longer stretch of time - it's selfish I realize, but I have to find the bright spot in the whole thing.

Anyway - here's to six months of life and learning - and I can't wait to see what you learn in the next month!

Where Have I Been

2010-10-20T17:18:00.000-07:00

I can't believe its been almost a month since I've blogged. It's not like all of the sudden I'm spread even more thin than before, because that is not the case. I just don't know why I haven't gotten around to posting.

In that past month, we've taken Hoyt camping, he's rolling over from front to back and back to front, he's sitting for an extended period of time if there's something in front of him in which he's interested. He's discovered bananas and loves them and he's growing more and more each day.

E is still travelling, although its two weeks on one week off instead of three which has made life a lot easier. I think the schedule has gotten easier so I'm not feeling like I'm always on the brink of insanity. Breastfeeding is still going well - we've reached the six month mark, and I told myself it would be ok to move to formula at that time. My supply is definitely less and he's taking in more than I can make, but if at all possible I'd love to avoid formula altogether so I'm doing what I can to make that happen. If it doesn't, I'm trying not to beat myself up about it, it is what it is.

As for me - exercise is moderate. Long runs on Sunday, we're still sitting at 7 miles, I get one Pilates session in a week, and there's usually one other day of exercise. I definitely miss it, and if we end up going to formula it will probably give me the option to exercise when I'm at work, but right now that's not happening. Again I suppose I'd be ok with it if there was lingering weight but that's not the case. At this point quantity in calories is by far more important to me than quality, and if you saw the way I ate that would be obvious. I'll fix that when the breastfeeding ends, or it will fix me who knows. Life really is good right now, good and calm, and that I can handle.

On the Eve of Five Months

2010-09-27T15:31:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow you are five months old - my goodness. You've taken on solid foods with a vengeance and its shown up in your diapers. You have learned 'raspberries' who taught you that, I have no idea. You aren't yet sleeping through the night, but aren't we always a work in progress? I love you very much, no matter what - you're always our Booger.

And so begins the collection of embarrassing (yet oh so cute) photos we will share with anyone who wants to see them when you are a teenager...

A Perfect Day

2010-09-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

I have to say, that yesterday was just that, a perfect day. It started the night before, Hoyt went to bed at 8 and while he woke up at 11, I was able to get him back to sleep by giving him the plug. I ended up falling asleep on the floor in his room until about 1 when he woke up and I fed him. I've kind of gotten used to the floor of his room, its not the most opportune place to sleep, but I'll take anything. He then slept until after 6 and I felt so awake I got up with him and played with him on the floor. He's soooo close to sitting up - he can do it for ten seconds or so and is pushing himself up from the floor, but he's not quite there yet.

E got up and all three of us hung out on the couch for awhile - and then we got ready for our run. Sunday is our 'long run' and we wanted to get going early since it was going to be a hot one. That intention never really goes as well as we'd like it to, but we were ready to run at 10, which is pretty good for us. The run felt good until about mile 5, when I was out of water and it was about 93 degrees. So much for an early start. I'd say that was the only 'less than perfect' part of the day.

We got home and just hung out - E did some stuff around the house and Hoyt jumped in his jumperoo - he's going to fling himself out of that thing one day. We all took a nap together and then I fed him some peas (which he makes a really bad face) so I switched to carrots (less of a bad face). I could insert some silly Forrest Gump joke here, but I'll refrain.

It seems like a pretty standard day, and for the most part it was, but the small things like me being awake and Hoyt doing so well in the jogger and then never feeling like he wasn't getting enough to eat, or he was too fussy - it all just worked out. That coupled with exercise, seven miles at that - I just couldn't have asked for anything more from the day. I sure hope there are more of those around the corner, anything is possible if there are.

Scottish Highlands Festival, Shots, oatmeal and peas

2010-09-17T14:49:00.000-07:00

So a lot has happened in the past few weeks. E, Hoyt and I went to the Scottish Highlands Festival in Estes Park - I put a tartan hat on the booger and he got a lot of compliments:

The Friday before he got his shots and did amazingly well. I'm still struggling, but he's a champ. The doctor also gave us the go ahead to start introducing solids - he gobbled up the oatmeal and ate the peas, but his face was much different when he tried those. We went ahead and bought a few jars since he's still in the introduction phase, but I'm still planning on making his food.

Exercise, well - its my cutback week. Hah! We went down to the cyclocross practice field and went around twice - I'm in sad shape. Our long run is now at 6+ miles. That's it for now though, always a work in progress.

Cross Practice Take Two

2010-09-02T13:18:00.000-07:00

So last week Hoyt and I went down with my sister and her boyfriend to a cyclocross field they have available on Wednesdays to practice. In the back of my head I knew I might be pushing it because he was at daycare all day, but I fed him before we left and thought he’d be good to go – and he was – for awhile. My sister and I took turns practicing getting on and off the bike while the other jostled the BOB.
He eventually fell asleep and I thought we were going to be ok. Now mind you he doesn’t fuss when he’s laying there in the child seat but I figured it was only a matter of time before he did. It was around 6pm after all and it was really mucking with his normal routine.
My sister took off around the course with her boyfriend while I hung out and then he started to fuss. He didn’t settle down – so to make a long story short. I decided to bag it, hadn’t gone around the course, took him and my bike back to the car, broke everything down, I even fed him in the car, but he cried, all the way home, about 30 minutes. It killed me. I don’t like crying babies and I really don’t like my own crying baby.
We got home and I apologized profusely and said I wouldn’t do that to him again, and he returned the favor by waking up every two hours to feed.

So enter last night. My sister and her boyfriend were going again and asked if I wanted to come along. I was hesitant because he’s been fussy the past two nights and I think he’s teething. I didn’t want to put him (read me) through that again, so I told them I’d decide when I got to daycare to pick him up.
When I got there, he seemed fine so I decided to tempt fate, but I told him ‘If you can keep it together while I practice a little and go one time around the track, we will go home immediately after that.’ Now I realize you can’t bargain with a four month old, but I figured it never hurts to try – put it out there – maybe the Baby Be Good Gods will be listening and will shine their grace down upon me.
So we went, and I jumped on and off the bike a few times and then while my sister watched Hoyt I went around the track. I promise you, the ‘incentive’ of knowing you very well may have left your childless (and wants it that way) sister with a fussy baby is enough to tear around that track faster than normal. Now mind you, I didn’t really ‘tear’ around the track, but I did not want to dilly dally. I got back and he had done great, she ran up and down the field with him and almost had him asleep.
I looked at him and for a brief moment I thought I’d chance sticking around a bit longer, and then realized that this day was not the day I started going back on my promises to him, that would be later, guaranteed. Like when you tell them ‘just one more bad spot’, or ‘just around this corner’, and its ten more bad spots and six more corners. I’d have plenty of time to do that, but for today I was going to stand by my promise to leave, and so we left.
To be fair he started crying at about ten minutes left to get home, so I turned up the radio station on some channel where it was just snow and drove as fast as I could, but to me, it was a win for both of us. I got to do a lap and he got to keep the veins in his forehead and we both went to bed happy. He’s getting a personality that kid, laughs at fart noises and when he’s tickled and he’s willing to bargain for his happiness. He’s going to be a great kid.

I'm a Worrier

2010-08-31T19:26:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it. Having a child has made me a big worry wart, now mind you I think I worried before, but it was evenly disbursed between work, life, running, the size of my butt - now it's all been refocused and repurposed to the booger.

If I'm not concerned about my frozen milk supply and whether I can make it to six months (I'm doing well thanks to the spreadsheet) I'm worried about how he's breathing, how he's pooping, whether he's pooping, whether he's pooping too much - well you get the idea.

Tonight it was poop and whether it was normal - which always prompts a google search, what did people do before google? I can imagine pediatricians phones rang so much more before there was google. I don't know if what is going on is normal - but I'm thinking he might be teething, and so I'm thinking it might be normal, and I'm also thinking he has a doctor appointment in a week and a half and it can wait unless it happens again. He's testy at night currently, which he isn't typically - apparently he's ok during the day, so who knows. From the time he gets home to the time he falls asleep he just wants to be on my boob. I suppose that's ok for awhile, at least until I don't have a boob to speak of.

I've done everything I can to let go and just say - he's acting fine, therefore he's fine, and most times it works, but sometimes, like when its hot outside and I start wondering whether he's overheating and will soon go into a coma never to be revived I realize I've regressed. It's not easy letting go.

I don't want to be a helicopter parent - sometimes I think when he's gotten a bit bigger and more independant I'll be better. I won't know that until I get there so right now it comes down to just breathing through everything.

Right now - I'm worried about poop and I'm concerned about how to get through teething and how difficult its going to be and what I can do to make it easier for him (read..me). I think I'll always be trying to come up with ways to make things easier for everyone, or hoping I can. What I want most of all for all three of us, are years and years of discovering and happiness and laughter, and normal poop. Normal poop would be good too.

Happy 4 Months Hoyt

2010-08-29T08:29:00.001-07:00

It was actually yesterday but I didn't get the chance to post. He's four months old now and talks a lot and eats a lot and has even begun rolling over from back to front. He can sit up kind of if propped - but only for awhile and he's getting longer these days.

We purchased spoons yesterday in anticipation of starting solids and he has his four month appointment in two weeks where he gets his second round of shots. My intent is to make him most of the food he'll be trying that way I know what's going into it - I would like to think I'm still a hippie at heart somewhere.

We broke down and got him an 'activity gym' even though we've done our best to avoid plastic toys. This one had the least plastic we could find - they don't sell wooden activity gyms, I looked. I think overall with using cloth diapers and buying the majority of his clothing at second hand stores, we've helped him to reduce his carbon footprint so far.

E and I are excited to get him in the bike trailer and to be able to use the BOB without the child seat, I think we probably have another month before that happens.

The spreadsheet has helped with knowing how much I need to pump within a week - it's time consuming and sometimes a bit painful, but for me it's worth it.

Last week I took him down to the cyclocross field to practice with my sister while we took turns watching him. He generally did well at first but he'd about had it after almost two hours and the drive home was very long and painful - he was not happy. Sometimes I just have to keep repeating to myself that babies cry, because, well, they do.

Exercise is still not as easy as I thought - I manage to get to pilates and we run every Sunday, I can usually fit in one more session of something during the week, but that's about it. I'm really going to pay for it once I've stopped breastfeeding, but that's going to be awhile.

A few horribly out of focus pictures - it's hard to get a 4 month old to be still....

Different Things

2010-08-23T10:48:00.000-07:00

HUC likes to read:

But he doesn't like people watching him when he's napping:

He's going to be four months in less than a week. He seems to like daycare, although I call it school so as not to make myself feel bad. He's laughing more regularly and he loves to watch his dad. He's very interested in the dogs and when they howl he gets a kick out of it.

I'm doing ok these days, the routine of E being gone has settled in, and it feels doable. With Hoyt at daycare five days now - I have two days at home that allows me to work and even get in a work out if I choose.

I'm still concerned about the breastfeeding and running out of milk. I've put together a spreadsheet of what I use against what I pump and it will dwindle quickly if I don't stay on top of it. I regret now not pumping like a fiend before I went back to work - I guess I didn't realize he'd be eating as much as he is. I'll go kicking and screaming into formula if I have to...

No Reasons, Only Excuses

2010-08-16T09:44:00.000-07:00

At least that’s how I feel these days in regards to exercise. Where there’s a will there’s a way, I keep repeating that to myself as well. Apparently most days there’s no will. I frequent the Runner’s World forums, and lately I’ve been reading the ‘momma’s’ thread where they talk about what exercise they’ve done among other things and I happened upon a thread of a woman asking other women with kids how they did it. I have to admit there was a moment when I’d thought about asking the same thing. I read through the thread and I’m amazed, and while it was a stay at home mom thread, it was still incredible how these women went about making sure they got their exercise in. I immediately felt like whatever I’d told myself about why I hadn’t, was no longer legit.

For a very long time in my life I exercised to maintain a specific weight, and when I was pregnant I exercised to ensure the road back wouldn’t be so difficult. Now as I sit here and I weigh less than I did before I got pregnant (thank you very much breastfeeding)I wonder whether I’m not exercising more because of that. I sure don’t feel that good, and I’m pretty sure the majority of the weight loss can be attributed to muscle loss. I’m kind of a flabby mess, but still – if I were carrying an extra five pounds, would I be making more of an effort?

Enter the cyclocross bike I purchased this weekend.

Cross country mountain bike races are traditionally pretty long and the time required to do them, far exceeds the amount of time Hoyt can go without a feeding. Obviously we can always opt for a bottle, but with him taking in 25 ounces at daycare and me not being able to pump that much, I’m unwilling at this moment to surrender any expressed milk for moments when I could be feeding him myself. Yes, I’m still extremely averse to formula, for me, that’s just not what I want to do. I also had the intention of training for a marathon, but you have to carve out 18 weeks of your life to train for a marathon and I’m having a hard time doing that as well. That’s why cyclocross seemed like the most logical answer. The races are 45 minutes long no matter what – you do laps on a course so I’m never far from anything or anyone if I run into trouble and the training commitment in length is more comparable to training for a 10k. Obviously if I wanted to be a professional I’d have to have a bit more commitment, but right now I’m just trying to find something, anything, that keeps me moving. Plus it’s kind of a complete body workout since you are cycling, running and lifting the bike. Honestly we’re going to see how this goes.

Most decisions made these days seem to take me further and further away from marathon training, which is still my preference – I still have the BQ goal out there, but at least I think I’ve found something, for the moment anyway.

Gisele Bundchen #1 Enemy of Mothers Everywhere

2010-08-10T12:08:00.000-07:00

I said it a long time ago - when she said she didn't have to wear maternity clothes and labor didn't hurt a bit. I kept my mouth shut when she said her son was potty trained at six months (I'm really surprised no one latched on to that one), but now, it seems her comments about breastfeeding needing to be a law have gotten more than a few people riled up enough to say something about it. In her defense she did apparently try to explain herself, and somewhat retract her statement - although it was a pretty strong statement both about breastfeeding and about formula. I don't know whether she tried to blame it on the language barrier, but something tells me that probably wouldn't have worked.

I am a strong proponent for breastfeeding - I'm muddling through it myself, this weekend was a rough weekend and I thought just for a moment, crikey I'm done. Let's move him to formula so I can sleep for longer periods of time. I called the pediatrician this week to find out whether his symptoms possibly meant he wasn't getting enough, but right now all signs are pointing to me just having to suck it up. I'm so not good at sucking it up.

Last night he was up at 1am and I fed him, then he was up at 3am, I gave him a pacifier and he put himself back to sleep while I laid on the floor of his room and fell asleep. I woke up at 5am, tried to sneak back into our room, only to have to get up about five minutes later to go feed him. At least I got through one night waking. If I can just get him trained to skip that 3am waking for nothing - I'd be set. Apparently all of this is 'normal' and again I need to suck it up.

But back to Gisele....I don't fault the girl I guess for having strong opinions, well I do, but its more in the presentation of the opinions rather than the opinions themselves. I do bet though, if she wasn't all wrapped up in a body that society has deemed perfect and was giving these opinions - they may have been received much differently. They probably would have been ignored. It's Gisele though, and if its true about no maternity clothes and its true about no pain in labor and its true about potty training so young, no wonder mothers are looking for a reason to reprimand her for something. I jumped on that band wagon a long time ago. I'm just glad I now have some joiners....

In exercise related news - I ran on Sunday - three miles - and it didn't completely suck. I remember thinking once - I ran 18 miles and it didn't completely suck. Wow, what a difference. My incision is still sensitive, not really the incision itself but there’s definitely some pulling still on the right side. I don’t know whether it has anything to do with the past hernia, or something with when he mentioned my skin was really tight when he was sewing me up, or whether it just has to do with me sucking it up again, but recovery has not been instantaneous. But I’m sucking it up, I really am – or at least I’m doing the best I can.

Hoyt is officially laughing – an all out laugh - although mom has only heard it, dad has gotten to see it as well as the daycare. A moment of silence for the first thing I’ve missed. He holds his head up on his tummy more than he has it down now. He’s found his feet as well and looks to them for comfort when he wakes up at night. Last night somehow he had wriggled himself from the center of the crib all the way down to the bottom. I think it has to do with the sleeper I had him in and with his need to grab his toes and then slam down his feet when he’s done with them. I put the side of the crib up for good though, I don’t want him wriggling himself right off the edge. He’s a happy baby, I bet after last night he’s also a tired baby.

The End of Week Three

2010-08-05T16:39:00.000-07:00

I think a routine is starting to form. Yes it's not easy, but I know there are many women who do it every day. I could go without the shortened times between sleeping at night and the need for him to eat as soon as he sees me no matter what time his last feeding was at daycare, I get that it's more of a comfort thing. I'm doing what I can to keep up the supply with the demand but it seems this week marked a growth spurt as he's now chowing down on about 24 ounces and I'm definitely not getting that much when I pump at work. There's no room for slacking with that thing at this point.

He's doing a bit of laughing now and there's a whole lot of recognition and tummy time is going awesome. He can pretty much throw a big enough fit when he's done being on his tummy where he will rotate himself 360 degrees. If only I could speak babble to know what he's thinking when he's going on about something - I'd be one step ahead.

This week I've even managed to run 4.5 miles and go to pilates, which may explain my exhaustion and/or my inability to sleep. Apparently being lazy means better rest - who would have thought that. I think I've pretty much put to rest my 'post partum comeback'. I mean how long after you have a baby do you get to claim that? This weekend was to mark the first weekend of marathon training - or the attempt at, but without a base, I don't know how its going to go. I'm going to make the best attempt, that's really all I can do at this point.

I'm thinking about taking up cyclocross since the races are guaranteed to only go 45 minutes and you go around and around in circles so I'd never be far away from him, we'll see though - that still requires training and that's the part that is still eluding me. I had lofty goals about what I would be able to do and be able to fit into a day and now I'm feeling a bit of the letdown as well as disappointment. I can't do it all I'm realizing, but boy I'd sure like to figure out how....

Happy 3 Months Booger

2010-07-28T09:13:00.000-07:00

Oh so cute - I'm his mother, I get to say that:

Week Two

2010-07-26T17:41:00.000-07:00

It's Monday and week two of work/daycare/E travels. Last week was not good. I am a person of lists, I like to write down everything I need to get done and then gradually cross things off my list so as not to be too busy or overwhelm myself. Had I a choice, I would have taken Hoyt to daycare one week, gone back to work the next week, and had E start traveling the third week, rather than have it all occur on the same week. That was not the case, I did not have a choice, so when last week rolled around it was just me trying to maintain some sense of order and sanity. I did not do so well.

A lot of times I attach heavy importance on things, and do not have the ability to unattach them. With Hoyt it is breastfeeding, I was fearful of it from day one, afraid I wouldn't be able to, afraid he wouldn't want to, afraid I couldn't handle it - but in my mind I felt like if nothing else, if I ended up being a horrible mother and he hated me when he figured out what hatred was - I could say well at least I breastfed. Ultimately it has worked out well, but last week when I was tasked with having to pump, at work, in a shower stall, with an extension cord running on the ground from another room, it did not work out so well. And I panicked. I wanted to quit work, I wanted to leave and go home where I knew I was capable of doing it. I did not quit - but I did go down crazy street, crazy sad depressed ugh street. I couldn't find my way back. No matter what I did. I can typically get myself out of a downward spiral like that, but I was unable to do it. It only succeeded in growing. What if he decided he liked the bottle better, what if he decided he liked the daycare lady better, what if he forgot who I was? I didn't breathe for three days.

This week has started out better, I know he's doing fine there, I know they like him, he's taking a bottle, he's still taking me, and he smiles at me when I speak to him. But I still worry he'll forget me, yes I still worry about that. I suppose that will go away in time as well.

I'm looking at a new normal - the working normal, and doing the best I can to figure out how I'm going to do it all. I think this week I might get a schedule together to start running in the morning while he's still asleep, on the treadmill. I have been really averse to running on the treadmill, but I've discovered its better than not running at all, and for me and my psyche, I need to exercise, I need to run. We'll see how it goes, but that's the plan, that's the list, figure out one thing at a time and work towards that - it's all I can do.

Back to It

2010-07-20T07:59:00.000-07:00

I just dropped off Hoyt to a total stranger this morning. How's that for trusting? It's his first day of daycare, mine too - and he's probably doing better than I am. E also left today - he's back to travelling for work, so in essence I'm all by myself. I think some people might appreciate it, but its been a long time since I've been all alone and I don't know how I feel about it.

I'm pretending I'm a mother who looks forward to dropping the kid off at daycare, but it's not working all that well. He was so cute this morning and so happy, just looking around at all the new stuff, he's going to have one other baby to hang out with so I'm glad he's not alone. I really wish they had video cameras where you could watch them during the day, but I don't think that's legal.

At least I'm at home and within 10 minutes driving distance from him, tomorrow will be the true test, who am I kidding, the entire week is going to be a test. I don't know whether I'm cut out for this - a good friend sent some work at home sites, I'm going to have to start looking into them.

Last Week of Maternity Leave

2010-07-13T13:48:00.000-07:00

Oh so sad - I'm not liking the feeling of knowing I'm going back to work and he's going to daycare. It just seems too soon, he just seems too little. I'm trying to look at things in a positive light - like he'll get to build up his immune system from all the germs that are there from other kids. He'll get to socialize and perhaps they will be more diligent about directly teaching him things. So far, it's not working. I wish I was Canadian. They get a year of maternity leave and I think its paid. I'd feel much better about daycare if he were a year old. What if he starts thinking the daycare lady is his mother? What if he starts to like a bottle better, and rejects me? I'm pretty sure a lot of new moms go through this when they send their kids off to daycare so I'm not looking for any sympathy, I'm just complaining.

I also haven't been all that good at trying to put him on a nap schedule or anything, I've just let him determine when he falls asleep. I'm really starting to get nervous for the daycare lady and her reaction to him and his lack of schedule. How can you put a baby on a schedule anyway, they can't even find their hand, how are they going to know when its naptime? I kind of feel like I need to make her a list of all his quirks, but then that's probably bordering on being a helicopter mom, and I don't want to do that now do I?

On the exercise front, its getting a bit better. I ran five miles last week in god awful heat, with the stroller and didn't die. Yesterday I rode with my sister - we did over 15 miles on the mountain bikes. I'm pretty sure I'll be doing a Winterpark race at the end of the month on top of the Yeti Beti ride I'm already signed up for. I'm also supposed to start the marathon training plan in August, but again, my ramp up has not been that consistent. I'm gradually learning how to juggle everything....I think. When E isn't around, its not that easy.

HUC Had his shots Yesterday

2010-07-01T08:02:00.000-07:00

He didn’t do so bad; dad did great, and I held myself together for the most part. We opted for the normal shot schedule, so there were five of them. I’m well aware of the arguments for no immunizations, immunizations, and altered schedule of immunizations and it came down to knowing that my husband and I, along with many many (many many) people have gotten immunizations and have come out ok. I can’t say there wasn’t that little voice inside me that was worried the entire time it was happening and for the entire rest of the day yesterday, but it is what it is. I guess ultimately I don’t quite think there is a link between shots and autism, but I’m no expert.
As for exercising and getting back out there – I’m running two or three times a week, sometimes with the Bob sometimes alone and sometimes on the treadmill. I’ve been out on the mountain bike as well with my sister, and am looking at doing a few of the races in the next couple of months. At this point I’m supposed to be building a base of mileage before I attempt to try another marathon training plan, and that’s not going as smoothly as I thought it would, one because its darn hot and getting up that early in the morning to do something other than feed Hoyt is not happening, and also because the days to seem to go by so quickly. I also know I’m on borrowed time until I go back to work so I’m trying to experience as many ‘firsts’ with him as I can. So far he’s smiling and I think he’s doing a very minor version of a laugh. We’ve been attempting tummy time, but so far this is his version of tummy time – he’s really into it:

Happy 2 Months Hoyt

2010-06-28T17:30:00.001-07:00

You are two months old today - and cuter than ever....

You have more and more personality every day and weigh almost twice as much as you did when you were born. You look like a chubby baby now, rather than a wrinkly old man. It's fun to watch you experience all the new things that are coming your way. You have been a very good baby - we have been very lucky.

Happy Birthday SaraCina!!!

2010-06-23T15:14:00.000-07:00

(It's my mommies t-shirt because I'm still to little for one of my own...)

Happy One Month Hoyt

2010-05-28T12:21:00.001-07:00

Hoyt:
You are officially one month old today – we’ve made it to one month. You have been very kind and have been a very good baby thus far. You sleep in your own room, you’ve breastfed without issue, you are officially up to eight pounds and you are even starting to get your own personality. You’ve discovered you’d rather be outside of the cradle in the living room rather than in it, and you make that known – we might have to look into borrowing that swing someone offered. You smile when you sleep, when you do it for real, it will be a very cute smile. You recognize you are about to get fed and get so excited you can barely contain yourself, to the point you are shoving anything close to you in your mouth. You burp well, you definitely toot well and all your bodily functions are in working order. I can’t wait to see what month two will bring.

E:
What can I say – I’m very lucky. E has been there for us through everything. He still continues to handle the majority of the day to day things so that I can concentrate on Hoyt. I keep thinking I’ll be able to take over some of the things I used to do, but as of yet I haven’t quite figured out how to work around the countless hours of breastfeeding. I have a wonderful partner, the perfect partner.

Me:
I’m doing well. Hoyt is very easy so far, and with E’s help, I haven’t felt overburdened or stretched too thin. I’m tired, but I think that goes with the territory. Breastfeeding takes up a lot of time, although I think feeding in general does. Maybe it’s having a baby in general that takes up a lot of time. I’m anxious to get the all clear from the doctor to be able to start running so I can find out whether I will in fact be able to try and train for another marathon. At this point I’m walking which is great, but I’d rather be running, or biking, or doing pilates, or yoga. I’m kind of chomping at the bit. The thought of going back to work and leaving Hoyt with someone else, is still a hard pill to swallow. I just can’t imagine someone else witnessing his firsts instead of E or me. It’s a reality I’m going to have to deal with, but not for another 7 weeks. For the most part I try and take one day at a time with him, E and myself and the new life where we currently reside.

Three Weeks

2010-05-17T15:09:00.001-07:00

My intent was to write a birth story about Hoyt’s entrance into this world, but sleep deprivation along with time and a desire to not relive the situation means I won’t be doing that. Let’s just say after my water breaking, pitocin, almost 24 hours of contractions, an hour of a paused epidural and pushing and a not so optimum head presentation – he came to us via c-section.

I once thought I was a pretty tough cookie, but now must rethink that, because the lights of the operating room and the situation in general made me a basket case. I’d like to say it was just ‘motherly concern’ but technically he wasn’t out yet and I wasn’t a mother. The worry has crossed over since he’s appeared and that’s probably normal so I’ll cut myself some slack, but I still thought I’d be pretty cumbayah about him and his life, and so far I’m not.

He’s hit seven pounds this week and would probably sleep through the night if I wasn’t so freaked out about him losing weight so I’m still waking him up to feed. At three weeks he is a very good baby in our opinion, but what do we have to go off of really?

We’ve done more laundry in the past three weeks than in the past three years and I don’t predict that will change, and overall we’re just getting used to the new schedule of having no schedule.

My intent to take pictures like a professional photographer is not materializing as I would have liked – I’d like to blame it on the bad natural lighting of our home, but I think I need to practice a bit more.

He looks like E in my opinion, E thinks it’s too early to tell – but I’m sticking with my first thought.

Exercise-wise – I’m allowed to walk, while I’d like to ignore the six week rule of running, with my injury background I’m honoring it in order to possibly save myself from anything later on. Walking will have to be enough for right now…

How Did They Know.....

2010-05-12T07:39:00.001-07:00

He's Here

2010-05-05T13:30:00.000-07:00

Born April 28th at 2:22 am - 6 pounds 2.5 ounces 19 1/2 inches long...More to come...

39 weeks 2 Days

2010-04-25T07:18:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm still here, and yes, I'm still pregnant. I'm due in 5 days, but if it doesn't happen then they won't induce until the 6th. At this point I've lost all forward thinking and have just set myself up to be induced on the 6th - the odds of ending up with a c-section go up 44% when you are induced so I'm preparing myself for that end result. I'm entertaining the option at this point of asking for an elective c-section in order to avoid the possible 48 hours of labor to still end up with a c-section. I'm also entertaining the idea of firing the current group of doctors and scrambling to find someone that might actually listen to what I'm asking for.

As you can see my mental state right now is not in a good place. I've avoided blogging about anything in order to try and just push it under the rug, but it's starting to boil to the surface. I knew there were things going on with our current doctors office because people kept quitting - first one, then two - one of the nurses said any place would be better than there. That's probably not something you should say to a pregnant lady who is pretty close to giving birth but she did, and I heard it.

I guess when all is said and done, and if I do end up keeping this group and having a less than stellar experience that looks like it could have been avoided - they'll be mentioned. Right now I at least have some mental capacity left over to leave their names out of it. That truly is not saying much.

Ode to E

2010-04-09T10:10:00.000-07:00

For the past nine months you have babied me –
You rub my feet and put oil on my belly
You clean the pig cage
You cook dinner
You help me get over the icy patches on the way to the car

You tell me I am beautiful

You have gone to every appointment
You have witnessed every test
You have ensured I follow all instructions given

You tell me you love me

You help me get out of bed and off the couch
You clean the house
You rub my head

When I was freaking out about possibly losing my job
You let me do it but reminded me I was not alone
You let me be sad when I didn’t know why

None of this has gone unnoticed
None of this will be forgotten
I love you for all you do for me
But they are not the only reasons

I just wanted you to know all of this
Just wanted you to know that all of this has been easier
Knowing I’m going on this journey with you

My Pregnant Running Career is Over

2010-03-24T11:12:00.000-07:00

Well - I haven't jogged for about two weeks now - in fact walking is causing a bit of sharp pain so that's even been limited to about 30 minute sessions at a speed that is depressing. There's something they call symphisis pubis disfunction that I might have - although it really only happens when I'm walking a bit fast on the treadmill and random other times.

I'm 35 weeks this week - five to go - and I'm going to be loopy in the end if I can't manage some sort of exercise. Looks like I'll have to stick to yoga and pilates and 30 minute sessions if I can keep the pain at bay.

I think for the most part technically we are ready for him to make his appearance. We've got everything we need so anytime he wants to show up is really ok with me. I realize he has to bake a few more weeks so I'll try to be patient.

E has signed up for a few bike races in the months after his arrival - a 100 and a 50 miler - so we'll be 'camping' with him fairly soon after he's here. I've held back from trying to figure out how quickly I can come back from this which will probably help with any disappointment I might face if after giving birth I can magically not run again. I'd really like to give the marathon at least one more shot, so we'll see. I miss my bike too, but with the two feet of snow that fell last Friday and about the same amount that fell last night - it's not like anyone else is riding their bike either. This weather really has to cut me a break if I want to give birth somewhere other than the car or the house. We'll see what the next few weeks are going to bring.

33 Weeks

2010-03-10T09:19:00.000-08:00

Someone told E way back in the first trimester, after he mentioned to them I felt like everything was moving so slow, that things would really move slow during the last few weeks (obviously it was a woman who had gone through it). At that time I wondered whether it could even be possible, well, it is.

I think right now I’m ready to meet him, make sure he doesn’t have six legs because it sure feels like it sometimes and to start the next phase. Having kids was never really something I thought about and when you’re finally in the thick of it there are a lot of questions that start popping up. What kind of mother will I be, what kind of parents will E and I be together? Will we raise him to be kind and considerate and smart, healthy, smiling, social? Will we inspire him to go after the things in life he wants, or will necessity of life be what we teach him, dreams are after all, dreams.

I had dreams for myself that were somewhere under the day to day, and a lot of them went unrealized. Before E and I decided to try again every now and then I would wonder whether some of them could still be accomplished, if we kept our life simple, if we focused on them between the moments of bringing home a paycheck and managing our lives, perhaps a few of them would come to fruition. I wonder whether my parents did the same. I wonder whether their intent was to always support what we wanted to do, and then eventually because they wanted us to be safe, they taught practicality instead, they taught us how to survive and thrive in a world where many dreams aren’t enough to live a life that was ‘safe’.

Eventually do we all live through our children, watching them figure out their dreams, maybe pushing a few of our own onto them – after all they have our genes, wouldn’t it make sense that they would be drawn to the same things in which we’re drawn? Will E and I eventually teach practicality: get the degree, find something enjoyable that pays halfway decent, or will we stand back and allow him to do whatever he wants regardless of how simple he may have to live in order to do it?

I go back and forth with all of these thoughts – the person I want him to be and what I think needs to happen in order to achieve that, and everything else that gets in the way – the volume in which society speaks in order to make you question whether what you are doing will have some profound negative effect on him as a person and scar him for life. I think ultimately I am a good person, I’ve got significant flaws, but most times I am conscientious and I make good decisions and I think E is the same. There were times when whatever decisions my parents made regarding me and discipline I was vehemently against, but I was 15, and I’m sure I’m better for them now, I just want to know whether I’m a big enough person to make those hard decisions. I wonder whether I have it in me, I wonder if I’m capable of not making decisions and letting things decide themselves. Mostly I guess I just wonder if I’m capable.

Let's Remove Some Doubt

2010-03-03T16:57:00.000-08:00

In order to accurately represent myself in this long pregnancy journey. I thought it only appropriate to post a side view of my burgeoning belly. I've missed a few weeks of pictures so please forgive me, but for the wonderful ladies from the running forum (and anyone else) who may think I'm not showing much. I wanted to set the record straight. Here I am:

Pardon the large photo but every time I resize I either become bigger or smaller so I wanted to keep it true to life. I am showing - quite a bit actually. This morning I thought I could hear my skin stretching. It's uncomfortable. I have eight weeks left. I hesitate to ask how much bigger I can get - let's not put that out there. The front view is much more forgiving apparently.

In other news - well there isn't any - oh - I'm giving birth to Charlie Brown, how appropriate. For everyone who knows me - they know I love the Peanuts characters. I believe that everyone can relate to one character in that strip, Charles Schulz was a genius. I say I'm giving birth to Charlie Brown because his head is two weeks ahead of schedule. Previous to even knowing this, I found this onesie on the internet and bought it. Self fulfilling prophecy?

Yeah - we'll see.

Winter Running Series

2010-03-01T12:13:00.000-08:00

Well last weekend was the final race in the winter series - 5 miles. My goal was to finish in under an hour, which I did, barely - 58:XX. I don't recall what place I came in and at this point, really? I was passed by at least four of the ten mile runners so that should help with some perspective.

E switched the the five miler as well as he's been sick and hasn't been running. He did pretty well for not feeling good. I don't know where he'll end up in the Series, but I think at least top 3 in his age group. Again I'm living vicariously through him....

On all other fronts - the urchin is officially in heads down position and everything else looks great. Week 32 is here which means eight more to go. It seems to be a bit more comfortable since he's moved into this position but I'm still trying to breathe every now and then without feeling like there's a foot between my rib bones.

I've been messing with the camera I got for Xmas and hope I can figure out everything before I have to take pictures of something other than the dogs or E's feet. No one at this point is a very willing model.

Final Duathlon Series 'Race'

2010-02-22T09:09:00.000-08:00

So this weekend was the final race in the duathlon series. Obviously I didn't do the duathlon - just the run only portion. It was a balmy 24 degrees outside and E has been sick so he opted to pass on doing the race. I wanted to get out there and do it, for whatever reason, and because my temperature seems to be running a bit more warm these days the temperature didn't bother me.

I asked the girl when I was signing up how many people were registered for the run only and she said about 50. My goal was to at least come in 49th. There ended up being about 88 people and I came in 84th :)... As you can see, I've obviously slowed down a bit, I might have been able to go faster but there was ice everywhere and the entire course was covered in snow. I just did not want to chance it. My sister came out with her dog and cheered me on, and she ended up 'running' with me for the entire race. To put it in perspective she had boots on - so again I wasn't going very fast. I think I ended up with 53:xx. - four miles.... Like I said - not very fast. It's amazing these days how quickly 4 miles goes by when you are going so slow.

Here's a race picture: Apparently I was going so slow I could do it with my eyes closed.

This week is week 31 and we have another race this weekend. Five miles. I'm still hoping to finish before E finishes his ten miler - if I could do it in the same time I did the last five miler that would be great but again I'm trying to be realistic. I hate reality.

Nine more weeks to go - I made the mistake of watching Keeping up with the Kardashians last night and they showed the sister's delivery - it made me want to curl up in a ball - labor is just such an unknown. I was absolutely frightened when the doctor let her reach down and pull her baby out the rest of the way by herself. Seriously? Do they do that? I can't imagine - I wish the stork was reality.

I'm still a bit impatient, but it does feel relatively close now so I've made every attempt to settle myself down. I think for the most part everything is taken care of so all I have to do is wait. I'm excited to meet him - at this point he's either a boxer, a soccer player or a dancer because he really never stops moving. The rest of this year is going to be such a huge change of pace. The rest of our lives is going to be rewritten.

30 Weeks

2010-02-15T15:36:00.000-08:00

I don't have much to say really, I'm 30 weeks this week - 10 more to go. To say I couldn't be any more ready might not be the right way to put it. Being pregnant is hard work (insert Bush impression here). Not for any other reason than you're entire schedule and life is amended in order to accommodate someone occupying your space. I can't slouch, can't lay on my stomach, can't drink - you know the important things in life. I think my brain capacity is diminishing or the time from brain to mouth is taking a bit longer than normal - and if any of you know me - that's never been a problem, I should have hesitated more before responding throughout the majority of my life.

I'm still jogging - or wogging - the next two weekends are the final races for each series a four miler and a five miler. Five miles is about tops of what I've been doing at this point. I'll be really happy if I can make it to the end of March still jogging, that would put me around 8 1/2 months.

Let's just get these next weeks moving, I'm impatient as all get out...

Gisele Bundchen is not my Friend

2010-02-03T07:55:00.000-08:00

I’d like to start off with a few quotes from Gisele Bundchen – Victoria’s Secret model, wife of Tom Brady (can’t recall which team he plays quarterback for) and new mother. Here is the first:

It "wasn't painful, not even a little bit," the supermodel, 29, says in an interview with the Brazilian TV show Fantastico. "The whole time, my head was so focused – every contraction, the baby is closer, the baby is closer. So, it wasn't like, 'Oh, what pain.' It was, 'With every contraction, he is getting closer to me.' " Bündchen – who had a water birth on Dec. 8 at the Boston condo she shares with her husband, quarterback Tom Brady, 32, – also didn't use serious pain medication. "I wanted to be conscious and present for what was happening," she says. "I didn't want to be anesthetized. I wanted to feel."

Before I go into this let me be clear – I don’t hate Gisele because she apparently has a high threshold for pain, hate is really a strong word for someone I don’t know – I dislike Gisele Bundchen because she’s beautiful. It’s not enough that we are held to her standards of beauty when in reality she is a freak of nature, less than 1% of the population looks like her, but now pregnant women everywhere are smothered with her ‘no pain birth’ are we going to be expected to measure ourselves against this as well? I don’t want to be one of those mothers that judges other mothers period – I will do my best to honor every mothers wishes when it comes to child rearing, breastfeeding, manner teaching – whatever it is, but really when it comes to this (and I haven’t gone through it yet so I have no basis for argument) why do we need to read this? Women everywhere will just add this onto the list of things to which they can’t compete, with a woman who is blessed with thin legs, good skin and a small behind.

E told me this week he heard an interview on NPR where a woman was discussing birth and pain medication and way way back religious people believed that since the Garden of Eden episode was really all Eve’s fault we were cursed with painful birth and therefore should have to deal with the pain. Two or three decades later women were arguing for the right to use pain medication and got it and then two or three decades later they were denouncing the use of it again – for what I’d like to call ‘hippie’ reasons. It continues to go back and forth, it will always go back and forth; that is the nature of our society. Do a little research, have a strong belief, and then all of the sudden the world is expected to live by those findings or those beliefs.

Now the second quote:

"I kept myself in good shape during the whole pregnancy, eating healthily, meditating, and doing exercises," says Bündchen, who did yoga and kung-fu until November. "I put on a little weight, but kept using almost the same clothes, with small adjustments on the stomach."

This one, honestly I am on the fence. I mean really? You didn’t have to wear anything different at all? Not a bigger bra or a shirt that was longer or anything? That seems really unfair. I’m all for the eating healthily and exercising during pregnancy. I attempt on most days to do that myself – which isn’t to say I’m not eating cake or ice cream but I think it’s a balance. There’s a quote from her earlier where she says she didn’t use pregnancy as an excuse to indulge, and I have to agree with that. It really isn’t in my opinion, I think I’m just a bit miffed because she gets to prance around in her regular clothes and act as if there’s not some foreign object pressing against her ribs, or look down and pray that today is not the day your belly button decides to become an ‘outie’.

All of this goes back again to the ‘established guidelines’. I’m sure she will be lambasted for not gaining the recommended 25-30 pounds, you see it all the time, but right now – in this time – that’s what someone with strong beliefs and a little research has decided and that’s what we are currently being held to. When my mother was having kids, it was no more than two pounds a month. We all came out ok, I mean I’m a little off, well we all have a little bit of ‘offness’ to us, but we’re healthy and have no health issues. I tend to go to the side of letting my body do what it’s going to do, because in reality, unless you are doing something that isn’t healthy, your body pretty much gains the weight without your permission. I mentally fight it every day – the allowance of the weight gain, the recognizing it’s good and has to happen, it again comes down to why anyone would want to put that quote in print while on the other side doctors and nurses everywhere will rise up and say she was wrong to not gain the weight. Do they really want to cause that fight? Does she?

Really more power to her – she did it her way, she ignored all the recommendations and opinions and did what felt right to her and now she’s going to talk about it. Guidelines are guidelines there’s a lot of wiggle room in between those two lines, she can chalk it up to being foreign and perhaps Brazilians have different guidelines and recommendations for weight gain and child birth so I’ll leave her alone. I am jealous, I can say it, some might not be able to. She tiptoed through the tulips apparently with this pregnancy and birth and some aren’t that lucky. It really only comes down to that, I won’t stand on the ACOG guideline platform – I’ll just sit quietly over here looking at the Victoria’s Secret catalog coveting legs that are longer than my entire torso….

Duathlon a No Go

2010-01-24T17:38:00.000-08:00

Well I didn't end up doing the race this weekend - I think overall I trust myself and my abilities, its the people around me that I worry more about. I went down and intended to run while E raced, but after heading out and realizing I was on the race path for the first bike portion - I turned around and headed back in (I had my sisters dog with me, and I was worried he would run out in front of a biker since he pretty much runs crooked). I ended up being able to see E and cheer him on at each of the transitions which was fun - and I got to see all the other people come in and go. I'll be the first to admit its difficult to be a spectator, but it does give me perspective when it comes to seeing that all shapes and sizes can be competitive. I always figured that being short and not having a body fat percentage in the single digits meant that I'd never be able to get to the level I wish I could, but I'm noticing that view point might not be all that correct. E ended up 2nd in his age group and 15th overall in his category which puts him in the running to perhaps collect a prize in this series as well...I'm so proud.

The pregnancy front is going well - I did another 'long run' today of 6.75 miles. I'm getting slower in order to keep my heart rate where I want it, but at least I can still go the distance. I'm very aware that at some point how I'm getting my exercise will drastically change, but for now I'm happy I'm getting out there. He kicks up a storm, which can be both funny and odd depending on the day. I'm officially down to the double digits of days left - something like 97 or so. For the most part we've gotten enough taken care of that I don't feel like I'll be racing around at the last minute wishing I had more time. I'm sure I'll be racing around wishing I had more time, but it will probably be more because of sheer fear rather than not having things in line.

Other than that - not much else is going on - most of this takes up my mental capacity anyway - so it's all I can handle.

Frosty's Frozen Five

2010-01-17T15:07:00.000-08:00

Well Saturday was the second race in the Winter Series - a five miler and it went really well and felt good - although at the pace I was 'running' isn't much to brag about - the fact that I'm running five miles without pain - and pregnant - is enough for me.

I came in at 55:48 40 out of 52 in my age group - thats an 11:10 minute mile. I do think for the first time I was able to start out slower and keep a steady pace, which is something I've always had problems doing so I guess pregnancy supplies you with many things you didn't have previously. There are some heavy breathers at the back of the pack though, and that got a little unnerving. I walked a bit during the third mile when my heart rate got a little too high for my liking and I was frightened to notice I didnt lose much ground on the people around me that were running.

There was a ten mile race going on at the same time and at mile 4.3 the leader of that race came speeding by me, he ended up with a 5 minute mile pace I think and the person that finished next was 7 minutes behind him.

E got third place in his age group again - he's in line to place well in the series - right now I'm strategizing his training plan because I'm living vicariously through him. He's signed up for the middle distance series so his next race is a ten miler while I'll stay at the five mile distance. At that point I'll be just shy of eight months so that should be interesting. My goal is to finish before him....

There She Grows - There She Grows Again

2010-01-08T08:54:00.001-08:00

Well I haven't posted pictures in awhile - although they have been taken - so here I am in all my glory week 21-24:

I'm definitely getting bigger - I think a few of these pictures may have gotten elongated or something when I put them together, because I swear I'm a lot bigger than what they look like - could be my psychosis, but maybe not.

I don't really have a lot of witty things to say today - we went for our 24 week appointment and everything looks great - I've made a list (because I'm a master at lists) of everything we need to get done before the due date, now all I have to do is get them accomplished rather than touch a piece of each one without being able to mark it off.

Other than that I really don't have much to say - jogging is going well, yoga and pilates too. I have my days where mentally all of this can be challenging, but I try to keep things in perspective and just move forward. Those feelings typically only last a day or two. I suppose that makes me more normal than not.

The 5 mile race for the winter series is next weekend and the second race for the duathlon is the following weekend. I still haven't decided whether I'm going to do it, and this time they don't have just the run option. I'm stalking the weather and it will probably be a last minute decision. Oh - I almost forgot - last weekend I ran a 'long run' of 6.75 miles with no pain. I stopped twice to take off my coat and then another time to pee, but for the most part it was consistent - and consistently slow I might add, but a run is a run, and right now I appreciate them all very much.

Oh To Be A Caveman

2009-12-29T08:46:00.001-08:00

I know that women have been having children for centuries, and from the looks of the world population, they seem to be faring ok when it comes to taking care of them and getting the basics down and learning everything that goes along with trying to take care of a newborn, so why after reading one or two different books for twenty minutes can I turn myself into an absolute basket case wondering whether I’m going to be able to keep it all straight?

This entire pregnancy (so far) I’ve tried to take the Zen approach. People will ask me whether I’m going to get the epidural, or do this or do that, and I just typically say, ‘we’ll see’. I have purposely tried to not get caught up in the birth plan or how I want things to go, and like my friend Christi said – the babies don’t get a copy of the birth plan…(thanks for that gentle reminder Christi) So now I’ve realized that perhaps it’s better to just take the general stupidity approach and put the books down. I mean the cave women didn’t have books – they didn’t concern themselves with umbilical cords falling off and breast feeding every three hours and remembering which boob was the last one you used, and how to wash a baby, wipe a baby, hold a baby – they just drug it around by their arm and made sure the they weren’t eaten by a brontosaurus. Can’t I take that approach as well? It’s so much information to compartmentalize and then when you add the thought that it’s a human life you are responsible for and that’s why you have to remember all this crap – well that’s just an added stressor I can’t seem to get my head around.

I really do my best to keep my head out of the game really – I seem to do better if I just focus on one day at a time, especially with the getting bigger gaining weight thing. I’m pretty psycho when it comes to that in everyday life (I prefer disciplined, but for argument’s sake we’ll go with psycho) so when you’re truly not in control of what your body is doing, it takes a bit of detachment in order to make it ok.

I was telling E last night – its too bad they don’t have some sort of labor simulator so I can know my pain threshold or get some idea how it is going to feel – I’ve always been a planner, and the unknown is just not a good place for me to be. I like to have everything that is needed and then be able to just sit there and drive myself crazy with the waiting. It’s how I work best. But I digress.

We’ve almost hit the six month marker and so far we’re doing pretty well. Exercise is good, health is good, I tried cross country skiing this week for the first time – not so easy. In the scheme of things I think we’ll be ok – but that’s when I don’t spend too much time thinking…

Rudolph's Revenge 5k

2009-12-21T08:32:00.000-08:00

So on Saturday E and I did the first race of the Winter Racing Series we signed up for - yes we've pretty much signed up for two different series this winter - a duathlon and a running series. I'm playing the duathlon series by ear each time so I didn't sign up, but depending on the weather and route - I'll definitely run the third race, but who knows about the second.

So the running series I signed up for is the short distance - 5k/5m/5m. They give you timing chips, but only have a timing mat at the finish - not the start. E lined up in front and I lined up with him knowing its really poor taste to do so being that I'm not technically competing. I knew I'd get flanked on both sides by a ton of people, but being the ever competitive/slave to numbers person I am - I didn't want to have a time that wasn't reflective of the actual race. We took off and in my typical style - I went out way too fast. My heart rate was surprisingly low though so I just reeled myself in a bit and kept it where it was comfortable. The first mile was a 9:33 with 153 heart rate. For some reason that first mile seemed like the longest mile I've ever done. Maybe it was getting passed and feeling like I was slugging along but that mile marker didnt come soon enough. At some point I was passed by a girl in bright red foot pajamas as well as a few people with antlers - and I just had to put my head down and remind myself I'm knocked up.

Mile 2 I started settling in - except for the wind - I forced myself to slow down a bit more and not get annoyed with the wind in my face saying I'd do the turn around and it would be at my back. My heart rate was creeping up so I forced myself to walk through the water stop. That mile was a 10:11 with a 158 heart rate. In the first mile I had passed two girls running together - one with pigtails and another I can't quite remember. They passed me as I walked through the water stop so I'm leap frogging again. I also noticed in the second mile there was a woman who would pass me and then pull over to the side and stretch and then start running again and pass me. At this point, I again had to be thankful that I was not having any issues at all with my hip or my knee.

Mile 3 I caught up to the two girls and they weren't really going to move over to let people pass on the bike trail so I had to run around them in the grass. I also happened to pass them going up a hill so my heart rate spiked. I slowed down a little to try and get it to come back down and it did to a range I was ok with. For the entire 3rd mile I was running alongside an older gentlemen and I figured I'd just stick with him to the end. So I've run through the mile marker with the .1 to go and I speed up a little just because I'm almost done and its downhill - and I kid you not - my foot is two inches from crossing the timing mat - and the girl with the pigtails comes screaming by me. To say that I was slightly annoyed would be an understatement. Really? You're going to pull that? You are obviously younger than me, and why wouldn't you do the stupid sprint thing a bit further back, are you some stealth runner or something? I wanted to go up to her, grab her by her pigtails and say 'are you excited you tried to outrun someone who is 5 and a half months pregnant? Do you feel accomplished? Really? As you can see - my competitiveness has not lessened with being knocked up and apparently every now and then my hormones get the best of me... The last mile I believe was a 9:4something with a 163 heart rate.

I finished with a 30:36 on my watch - a 30:42 according to my chip. I looked at the results and sure enough - that girl and I have the same time, but they put her ahead of me, and she's in the age group thats 10 years younger than mine. I finished 14th in my age group of 41 which I thought wasn't too shabby without a whisper of pain and a halfway decent heart rate to boot.

So now for the next five mile races I'll try and build up enough to help determine whether I can stick with the 'walk through water stops' approach - or whether I might have to have a few more walk breaks within the run itself. By the second race I'll be 6 1/2 months and the third 7 1/2 - so I'm assuming I'm going to get exponentially slower. Regardless I'm having a good time and everything feels good - so I'll keep at it unless that changes....

4 Mile High

2009-12-14T11:33:00.001-08:00

So this weekend was the first race in the Chilly Cheeks Duathlon Series. There are three total. E and I were planning on participating although I left my decision open until the day of to determine whether I would do the entire duathlon or just the run part, which they offered as well. It's been below zero temps here so I had to base my decision on the conditions of the course. When we got there I asked what the roads looked like for the bike portion and they said it was 80% covered with snow and ice, so I used my better judgement and just signed up for the road race. I figured I'm closer to the ground running and it would be easier to catch myself if I did slip then it would be on a bike.

I lined up in the second wave with the Open women and runners only and we took off. My goal for this race was merely to get some exercise. I haven't run anything over four miles without walk intervals since last March or April I believe, so I was trying to be realistic and prepare myself. I also had to keep in mind that I was five months pregnant and I needed to do what I could to not try and compete with everyone around me. We started off and I felt really good - I looked down and was going way too fast - don't go changing. My heart rate was fine so I kept doing what was comfortable. E and I know the route of this race because we've done long runs in this park so I knew when there would be hills and when there would be downhill pieces. The first part of the run was on road, and there was some ice but I did what I could do stay on the melted part. E started in the wave behind me and caught up to me in mile one - said hello and kept on running. The first mile was a 9:36 I believe. I suppose in retrospect its not 'way too fast' but considering I've kept my jogs at an 11 minute mile I was going a lot faster than usual.

Mile two I still felt great - told myself to slow down a bit but my heart rate was steady so I just went with it. They had one water stop as soon as you got off the road and onto the trail, and knowing there was an uphill pitch coming I walked through the water stop. I started up again and kept it to a slow jog and then walked to get my heart rate down. There was a slight downhill after this so I knew I could start running again soon. The second mile ended up being a 10:41, still faster than what I've been running - but probably more in line with what I should have been doing.

Mile three was a lot of uphill with a few downhill reliefs so I walked a bit more this time. Since about mile 2 I'd been leapfrogging with one girl and felt really bad about it because I know I get annoyed, so I just figured she was as well. This mile ended up being my slowest 11:13, but I still felt good. It was in this mile that I started getting those competitive feelings - and had to remind myself I was A)5 months pregnant and B) running without pain so I better enjoy it. I slowed myself down and let myself smile a bit. Technically no, I wasn't running four miles straight through, but my walk breaks were shorter and there was no pain whatsoever. My fears of being on uneven terrain and a slow pace on top of running a bit tensed because of the snow were unfounded. Everything was going great!

Mile four came up and I got a little excited - I was about to be finished and everything went great! The girl I was leapfrogging passed me with about a half mile to go and I got a little miffed and sped up and then again, had to remind myself it wasn't a competition. Regardless this mile ended up being a 10 minute mile - apparently I couldn't slow myself all the way down. I ran over the timing rugs and kept running because everyone else was. I looked down at my watch and it was over four miles but I just kept following the people in front of me wondering where I was supposed to stop. It took me a tenth of a mile to realize that they were all probably doing the duathlon so of course they were running to the transition area. I stopped my garmin at 4.12 miles with a time of 42:47. I'm not winning any awards for that time, but I'm definitely not complaining.

I waited for E to finish his race and then we headed home. I think I might have been able to do the duathlon in the Fat Tire category, but I'm glad I decided not to. I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Sunday we got up somewhat early and went out to the Buffalo Creek area and cut down our Christmas tree - no, I didn't get any pictures. I should have though, and this morning was our halfway point checkup. Everything looks great - all ten fingers and toes and everything else where it should be, we got a few shots with the 3D ultrasound, who knows who he looks like...It's been a really good three days I would say, I have nothing to complain about.

20 Weeks - and Life

2009-12-08T08:29:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I'm 20 weeks - the halfway point. I'll be the first to say that this baking a baby process is going by so slowly for me. I mean I'm not in a huge rush to have a newborn and the responsibilities that go along with it, but its like the visiting guests that you are ready to have leave so you can have your home back. My body has become a hostel for this growing thing and it's really a lot of surrendering my control.

For the most part I really don't have any complaints - besides the huge chest - its been fairly easy. I have discovered the round ligament pain while running and that was both painful and scary, but now that I know what it is - I just dial it back and I'm fine. Speaking of wogging/jogging/running - I'm up to two miles with no pain - I've actually run three consecutive miles without pain so I'm relieved and excited - I still do walk breaks, but I think that is both injury and pregnancy related. I'm also nowhere near the paces I was doing while training for the marathon. I keep my heart rate in the 140-150 range - its my pseudo Hadd training. I know its ok to go above that but I figured why not try and get some of that in while I have the patience to run slowly.

We've planned a trip to Scottsdale for NYE - a kind of vacation from the cold here - we're talking sub zero's this week. If its warm enough I'll work on my tan - hahahahha. I'm going to do my best to embrace the gut while its here - but it truly is a day to day process.

We've started taking belly photos. Here are the three we've taken:

I did the first photo myself so pardon the bad color/blurry photo - I cant quite figure out the settings in order to be able to take a self portrait and not have it look like that. It looks like from the most recent photo my trough sized pelvis has finally run out of room and now everything is growing outward instead of upward.

On more truly sad news - my sister's dog Jenna was put down last night. She had her for 13 years. She had cancer and started to go downhill really fast. She was with us at Thanksgiving in New Mexico so she got the opportunity to run around with all of us one last time - I also got the opportunity to hang with her for 20 minutes on Saturday between Xmas shopping trips. I have never had a pet for 13 years - I can't even imagine, I really don't want to.... E and I went down and I hung out with her while they put her to sleep and it really was ok to see her just calmly go - she was having such a hard time breathing - and I know my sister made the right choice.

It's been a weird late 2009 at this point - let's bring on 2010. I've already started planning my running schedule and a possible 2nd marathon attempt. I'm just praying that everything is fixed permanently and that this time I'll do things a bit more intelligently so that this doesn't happen again....

18 weeks

2009-11-23T08:19:00.000-08:00

There's not really much to report on the pregnancy front - I mean I'm still pregnant, but that's about it. Last week was stressful for many other reasons so on the one hand it sort of allows you to not think about being pregnant on the other, I ended up taking one more day off of exercise than I would have liked.

I got a migraine on Thursday - I don't know if it was the H1N1 shot or drawing blood that brought it on or the fact that my nephew was admitted to childrens hospital with Kawasaki's disease. I managed to still walk/jog five miles anyway, but afterwards I somewhat regretted it. I stayed home on Friday because the headache had managed to remain and spent a lot of time checking in with my brother to find out how my nephew is doing.

Kawasaki's disease is somewhat an unknown to doctors as they have not figured out what actually causes it, but its pretty straightforward when it comes to treating it. Unfortunately that is not the case so far with my nephew. He went through to rounds of IVIG with no success so they have kept him in the hospital - its now been a week of a temp ranging from 102-104, it goes down initially after the IVIG treatments but would go back up again as the day wore on. Last night they moved on to a new form of treatment - some sort of rheumatoid arthritis drug. They'll keep him for another 24 hours to see whether any of the tests are unchanged, and if this doesn't work - I think they will then move on to some sort of steroid treatment. We watched my niece on Saturday so that my sister in law could be in the hospital with my brother and nephew - it was a 'trial by fire' for me - this is one of two or three times when I've been solely responsible for an infant. It actually wasn't that bad, but damn they get heavy after awhile.

My headache left by Sunday so E and I went to the gym - another 5 miles walk/jogging and some upper body weights to prepare myself for the eternal 6-25 pound weight I'll be carrying around for some time. The running intervals are going really well, I'm still doing a mile and a fourth but now there is no pain whatsoever. I'll probably add another 1/4 mile this week and then next week I'll lower the walk break to a 1/4 of a mile. I'm hoping that before Xmas I can manage a 3 mile run with no pain so that we can do the winter race series they have here. It's easier for me to motivate myself when I know something is coming up that I have to 'prepare' for. I'm not trying to break any records, but I'd like to know I can at least get through the whole thing pain free.

We're headed to my parents house in New Mexico for Thanksgiving barring anything with my nephew - we'll be there for about four days. It will be nice to get out of town for awhile - and have someone else fix the turkey being that I still haven't quite figured out the high altitude cooking thing.

I hope everyone has a good holiday!

1 1/4

2009-11-18T08:03:00.000-08:00

So Sunday and Tuesday I was able to run 1 1/4 mile intervals without pain. It's not much - but for me its a new milestone - I was beginning to think I would never get over a mile. It's still at a snails pace, but I actually think if I was running faster it might hurt less. It's a toss up at this point because I try and keep a 'conversational pace' since I'm knocked up. Of course the only person I can talk to while running is myself and so its usually whispering under my breath so people don't think I'm a whack job - I also find that if I sort of murmur along to whatever music I'm listening to, my heart rate seems to lower. Could it possibly be that I literally forget to breathe? That probably won't bode well for labor....

On the pregnant front - not a lot to report - Im 17 weeks this week - E says it looks like I haven't gone to the bathroom in a few days, I know TMI, we really need to start taking pictures or something but I'd rather wait until I look a little pregnant rather than stopped up. We have a doctor's appointment this morning - I've finally broken and will be getting the H1N1 shot. I'm not at all psyched about doing this, and really would prefer not to, but everyone is pushing me to do it, so I'm gonna go ahead and get it...I've always trusted in my own immune system, and yes, I know the argument of having a compromised immune system when you are pregnant, but still. I prefer blind faith when it comes to getting sick - oh that and denial.

Next week is Thanksgiving and we are going to my parents, along with my sister, her boyfriend, and my brother and his family are coming to surprise everyone. Well my parents, obviously we know. My dad is the only one that doesn't know at this point - I'm going to just walk around and see whether he figures it out or whether he says I'm getting chubby....

Scratch the Record

2009-11-09T13:52:00.000-08:00

Last week E and I outed ourselves to everyone - we're knocked up. We've known since the day before we went on vacation back in August, but we've kept it to ourselves since we've had a few upsets in the past. We are officially four months along this week. It's a boy - I'm too old for surprises so I figured its better to find out now. Looks like the meaning behind the 'B' in my blog title is once again changing - Boston/Bikes/Bambinos....

On the one hand - the timing is convenient - most of it will occur outside of the mountain biking season and snowshoeing and cross country skiing are safe activities to do while pregnant, but it does put off attempting the Leadville race (at least for me) for another year. My professional career is now delayed....

I've also started researching this whole 'relaxin' thing on ligaments and praying some of it goes to my IT band so that I will automatically be cured to never worry again once I do give birth. I live in a rosey colored world.

We've begun the myriad of purchases - jogging stroller, bike trailer etc., we've got our priorities apparently. To say that I'm not scared out of my wits would be an understatement. I'm not all that good dealing with the unknown - pain threshold, terrible two's, that sort of thing, but I won't be the first person on the planet who is faced with all of this stuff, definitely won't be the last.

It's an interesting spot to be at our ages - first kid, first everything but I'd wager to say we'll do ok. For me the biggest challenge is surrendering my body to the process - letting nature take its course with weight gain and things spreading and growing and moving and, well you get the picture. There are days when its extremely difficult for me to breathe through it, and other days where I believe in myself enough that it will all be ok and I will bounce back from it quickly. Again its the unknown with which I'm dealing. At this point I've been very consistent with exercise and nutrition so things are going well.

This is a completely different chapter in our lives, one that we're excited for and scared of all at the same time, but its good to know we are going through it together, I can't imagine going through it with anyone else.

The First Snowshoe of the Season

2009-11-02T12:42:00.000-08:00

Well after the 42 inches we got last week over two days - we headed out for our first snowshoe. If I were nifty I would have taken pictures but I have currently misplaced my camera. I forgot how heavy those things make your feet feel - but on the upside when you take them off you feel like you are walking on air. I felt my left IT band a little during both the uphill and downhill but nothing that would stop me from doing it.

This weekend we also stopped by the running store so they could analyze my gait with the orthotics and the neutral shoe. She said I wasn't pronating at all so I can mark that off of the reasons why I might still be having IT band pain. She was also a bit surprised when I told her the shoe I used to be running in, apparently they over corrected me or something. That's two people now who said I was in way too much shoe.

I've run a couple of times since my last post - still with the walk intervals - and still with pain towards the end of the mile jog interval. I'm going to just plug ahead and mix up biking with pilates with running in hopes that it never gets to the level of pain where it was initially.

I watched the NYC marathon this weekend - well the last three to five miles of both the mens and womens portion. I have to say its just amazing to watch people with that level of talent. I would have loved to see Radcliffe move to third and Hall move to third, but overall it was a great showing. Meb was very emotional and its great to see someone at that level still appreciate what they have just accomplished - its something that I need to keep in mind for myself....

A Mile In My Shoes

2009-10-23T13:49:00.000-07:00

Wednesday I ran two miles - one mile sandwiched between half mile walk breaks. By the second mile I could feel my knee - for whatever reason nothing has really improved and I can't for the life of me figure out why. The walk breaks helped the nagging disappear, but I guess I just figured I wouldn't feel a thing. I plan on trying it one more time to see whether it was just the day but for some reason I think I already know the answer to that one. I'll keep trying....

My Bike

2009-10-13T07:54:00.000-07:00

For the two lovely ladies who I miss 'chatting' with in the BQ forum - almost as much as I miss running - you asked for a picture of my bike. This is the mountain bike, a Yeti 575 - I loved the orange color and it was WAY too much bike for me when I started riding it - eventually it just became 'too much' bike for me. Someday I believe the bike and I will be evenly matched. The components on this bike aren't the same as mine - when I went to the Yeti website I discovered they are no longer doing the 575 in orange. My frame is a year old - maybe 2, but you get the idea.

Currently my road bike (a Scott) is collecting dust in the garage - although I will agree watching the Ironman (although I only got to see the end) does inspire you to try and do something crazy and completely outside yourself. (What about that second place woman? She was hauling tail on the marathon portion) If I can get up to 3 miles running I might just think about doing one some day.

In regards to running - I'm up to 3/4 of a mile in between half mile walk breaks - at a heartbreaking pace - its really still only a jog. If I can get a few days of that distance under my belt this week I might try and do a mile next week between walk breaks. It's a slippery slope.

The weather isn't making riding all that palpable at the moment so I've started spinning on my own with some audio tapes, so far its working pretty well although its not outside and its not on a trail, I'll take it until I can whip out the snowshoes or cross country skis. I do think if I'm ever able to run any sort of distance, that it won't be the one thing that I do - I think my hips just aren't able to keep any sort of strength if I am only running. Who knows - it might work to my advantage.

I Miss Running

2009-10-07T08:05:00.000-07:00

I miss training, I miss looking at my huge laminated calendar on the wall and seeing what I have to do that day - I kept that calendar up for six months after my injury - I don't know why, I just did.

I've been wogging a few times - still only a half mile jog at a time sandwiched between walking spurts. It's depressing to feel that everything that was there before is still there, even after breaks and pilates and everything else. The idea of running 5k's isn't appealing to me, although I'd take three miles at this point. There is a part of me that is tempted to put away the orthotics and go out and buy a pair of shoes - any shoe - not a stability shoe, not a neutral shoe, just any shoe that appeals to me and attempt to run in them to see whether I've 'overfixed' whatever is broken. There's also a nagging thought in the back of my mind that is begging for a second or even third opinion, someone to tell me that everyone I've gone to has missed a key thing that could fix whatever it is that is broken. I miss running.

Catching Up

2009-09-25T09:21:00.000-07:00

Well I seem to have gotten a bit sidetracked lately. I'm still here though.

We went on vacation in September - Park City and Crested Butte - rode six days with a total of 120 miles. I have pictures I'll post later. It was really fun, and tiring - 30+ mile days. I may be suffering from a bit of mountain bike burnout.

I've started 'wogging' - basically its running a 1/4 or a 1/2 of a mile in between walking spells. My thought was I could work up to a three mile threshhold and run 5ks but sadly my knees (both of them now interestingly enough) and my left hip are still there - just whispering "I know what you're doing, I know what you're trying to do, watch it!" I can't believe after Pilates and not running and yoga and staying on a bike that it's all still hanging around. I miss running, the long runs especially, it's still heartbreaking to think about.

We had our first (and second) snow, on the last day of summer, and the day after. Living at 8500 feet is always a bigger wake up call sooner than 5000 feet. I believe we got a total of five inches, and it looked and felt like Christmas. We're looking at a 70 degree weekend though, so obviously its not here to stay. Makes me think the snowshoes and cross country skis are going to come out sooner than I thought.

Plenty more is going on, but I don't have the imagination to make it interesting at the moment. Try me again later.

Leadville

2009-08-21T08:11:00.000-07:00

This one is a little late coming – Lance beat Dave Wiens at the Leadville 100. Honestly no one probably finds that a surprise, but there was that piece of me that was just praying it would be a fight to the finish – and that didn’t even happen. Lance beat him by 28 minutes on a flat back tire. Here’s a picture of him coming to the finish. If you look really closely at the right side of the photo you can see his head coming into the frame:

I was really rooting for the local guy – call me a traditionalist, it would have been his seventh win – like Lance’s seven wins, I have to believe that didn’t go unnoticed by Lance, but perhaps it did.

While I appreciate Lance as an athlete – there will forever be a doubt as to whether he truly is clean. Is that there because of the stories given by people that have been involved with him, yes, but in all honesty they are also there because can anyone really be that good? Usain Bolt comes to mind, and I have to say I have some doubt in my mind that he’s perfectly clean as well. I hate to tarnish the accomplishments of either athlete if they are clean, but still, there’s some lingering doubt that prevents me from getting on the ‘Armstrong Train’.

I’ll be the first to admit that I tuned in to the Tour this year religiously, because he came out of retirement. It wasn’t to see him win, I wasn’t rooting for him to win, it was to see him, and to see whether all the years and all of his experiences would give him some humility – and there were moments I saw that in him. Those again were immediately tarnished by the idea there were ‘peleton conversations’ going on with himself and other riders as sort of a recruiting tactic for next years’ race. People he knows will pull for him to win, Leipheimer and Hincapie as two examples, and true to form they’ve signed up. This year he didn’t have that luxury – would the result have been any different if he had? Perhaps.

Which all comes back to Leadville – and the advantage he has with the best coaching, nutritionists and the added bonus of getting two of his teammates in the race to help him. This seemed like an unfair advantage of sorts, but I suppose that goes with the sport, or any sport for that matter. Wein’s relies on his training and his legs and his experience, Armstrong, well it’s a little different for him.

He says he’ll be back next year to defend his title – I don’t doubt that, I imagine he’s spent some time thinking about how much time he could cut without having to ride on a flat tire. I imagine next year he’ll probably best his current time and then that will forever sit in the record books until some new young amazing rider comes along to beat it. It’s the nature of the game I guess. One that not many are blind to so none of this is a surprise.

On a side note – I really want to do Leadville – it’s a stretch a 100 mile stretch, but watching the mortals come in and realizing what an accomplishment that would be when you are all done, really makes me latch on to the idea of doing it. Apparently they really encourage women to sign up, so maybe I have an in. I’ve got a year to train – which means endless winter hours on a trainer – that’s not too appealing, but I think I can do it. I think I’ll put in my application and see whether they allow me to try. E’s going to do it as well- he’s done it before so for him it will be a reunion. Apparently we’ve found something to train for.

May The Force Be With You

2009-08-10T08:02:00.001-07:00

This weekend my husband and I drove up to the Winterpark/Mary Jane resort to pre-ride the next race in the series to see whether we wanted to do it or not. On the drive up we had pretty much decided that we would rather ‘watch’ the Leadville 100 – I mean you can’t really watch it, you can maybe spot a few people here and there and see the start and finish but that’s really all. Our idea is to get up there do a ride and then watch the finish. Lance Armstrong just did the Blast the Mass ride this past weekend and blew everyone out of the water so I’m getting a bit nervous for the local guy – I think it’s going to be a nail biter.

Anyway – we get to the resort and this race is to start at the top of Winter Park and finish at Mary Jane – its touted as ‘the longest descent race of the series’, so in my head I’m thinking they are going to plant you on a ski run and watch you try and get down. For some reason this sounds fun to me. Well, let’s just say this wasn’t the case, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

So the directions of the course say to either buy a lift ticket up the mountain or you can choose to get up to the top via an access road on the Mary Jane side. The lift tickets ended up being 48 dollars for the both of us, we didn’t have enough cash on us and had left everything else in the car so we decided to ride up to the top, and I thought, ‘how bad can it be?’ – ok the next time I think this, someone really needs to slap me. How bad can it be? Well let me break it down for you. We start at 9100 feet, and we have to ride up to 12000 feet – on a dirt road – in less than five miles – I mean if I did the equation it would be something like 3000/5280x4=too freaking much. In reality it probably isn’t that high of a grade – but it’s a grind. If you stop, you’re done – it’s hard to get started again.

So we’re riding up and we get passed by this group of four – two guys, two girls, one girl ends up getting dropped by the others, the other girl could have probably gotten up that hill in two minutes flat if she could have managed to shut her mouth for five seconds and pedal, she was a talker, and not something I wanted to be near for the next four miles. Let’s just say that I didn’t ride up that entire mountain, and pushed my bike up a lot of it, all the while having a stern talking to myself about how I needed to just get over it, the end would be there soon enough. And there it was, the end, although it wasn’t the end of the ascent, it was the end of the road. What greeted us was ‘singletrack’ for the rest of the ride up. I say singletrack in quotes because there are designations for trails. We have your standard dirt road, we have jeep road that most call doubletrack, we have trails that are referred to as single track, but this trail was so unused – I began wondering whether there was anything called half-track. But here we go, we’re going up and up. I didn’t ride much of this either, you could get a hundred feet before you were greeted with some rock that one would need more momentum to get over, but being that I never got any, I’d clip out. The trail was bad, and it was steep. But we kept ‘riding’. I could see the girl the three others had dropped and she wasn’t doing much better. E and I had figured they were preriding the race as well so I knew I would see them again somewhere.

We get to the top – 12000 feet, at this point I am sweaty, tired and annoyed and picturing all the ways I could spend the 48 dollars that we didn’t use to get lift tickets. The foursome was right there, looking at the same map, trying to figure out where to go. This is where double frustration kicks in. The bike trails are completely separate from the ski trails – obviously, but the signage isn’t always there for the bike trails. So you’re looking at a printed map of the bike trails, but all you see are the ski run signs so what seems like the right way inevitably ends up in you having to back track, which is what we did once or twice – always passing the foursome that was doing the same thing.

We figured out where to go and I mentally tried to erase the last two hours from my head in order to get a feel for the race and decide whether I liked it or wanted to do it. This wasn’t entirely possible. We got on the first single track and it looked like this: root root rock root root rock root then rock two rocks with four inches between to ride through, root root root rock rock. For.get. it. Oh and did I mention it wasn’t downhill? Where was the glorious downhill I was hearing so much about? Ok, my mind is made up, I’m not doing the race. But we kept going. We hit some downhill finally and then all of the sudden you are surrounded with people who are covered in exoskeletons made of plastic, covered almost head to toe in padding, with helmets that resemble Darth Vader – and I’ll be the first to tell you this always makes you think twice about what you’re doing all dressed up in a sleeveless shirt with a helmet and bare legs. We got to the bottom of this portion of downhill – albeit very slowly for moi, and sat on a bunch of cut down trees and I said to E, ‘I’m looking very forward to not doing this race.’

We watched a few downhillers come out of the shoot and then we jumped back on our bikes to some more uphill, yes I said it, uphill. We get to the top of this lift to be greeted by many more chopped down trees and what they called double track. Meh. There was a bit of downhill but mostly it was this: root root rock root root rock root then rock two rocks with four inches between to ride through, root root root rock rock. On a nice leisurely ride these trails would be ok, but in the back of my head I’m constantly trying to remind myself that on race day you have to go fast, and that makes this no fun. We went a bit downhill and then all of the sudden we are climbing again – WTF? I’m done – I’m walking my bike through a lot of it, with no energy left from everything previous I didn’t have the right mindset or attitude to be able to ride this trail and that typically means a wreck is close on the horizon, so I played it smart and got off my bike. We get to the crossroads in the trail where you are – you guessed it – supposed to go uphill to get to the final loop and I said to E – I’m done. I felt like a big baby and we looked over the map to figure out how to get down or whether we should ride the route to the end and we were there long enough to meet up with one of the foursome – a guy this time, who rode past us, stopped, and asked if we’d figured out where the next turn was. We told him it was up, and he lightly mentions to us that he just did that loop in 23:42. Excuse me? Get away from me because I wanted to crush him like a bug. So we decided to just get down.

We rode on some road on some single track that was actually pretty fun. They have these bank turns and you can get going pretty fast and ride up the bank – well I could – most people already knew this and were doing it so it wasn’t much of an accomplishment to them. We meet up at some point with a father son duo. The kid – maybe 8. The father was relatively slow so we didn’t necessarily want to get behind him, but the kid was tearing down the mountain like he needed a bathroom. I would let him go and then we would be greeted by them when we got down that portion of the trail. I hate that. You know at some point you are going to have to stop and let him go. So we head down a part of the trail before the father/son and I’m going down what I consider fairly fast and then I hear him behind me – only there’s no request to pass, this is what he does and this is what I hear. I’m riding riding and then I hear him EEERRRRRRRRRR, there are his brakes, then its silent and I’m riding riding and then EEERRRRRRRRR, there are his brakes, and this happens three times before I turn around and say – SERIOUSLY – and I let him pass. See the attitude issue? I do. So I’m just doing what I can at this point to get down the hill and try and enjoy myself and then I hear them – downhillers – they are always the same, they have the same WOOOOO HOOOOO every time. All I can picture are a bunch of padding covered, Darth Vader helmet wearing bikers, only this time they have capes, and they are coming fast and I’m fearing for my life. I got down fast enough that I was greeted by them about ten seconds later so I was unscathed – oh and they weren’t really wearing capes – that was just my overgrown imagination.

So we’re down and we’re done – this is way too long. We aren’t doing the race – I’m ok with that. We’ll go watch a race this weekend.